Someone Like You
by caro1414
Summary: What if Mellie and Olivia weren't adversaries, but best friends? When Fitz loses his wife, who can he count on to help him and his children? Rated T for Language
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have never written Scandal fiction before, and I don't know if I should even try, but this kind of came to me and I felt like I needed to give it a try. Ultimately this will be Olivia/Fitz, but we will have to wait for that. I enjoyed the part of the show where Mellie and Olivia weren't enemies, and I am going to have fun with flushing that storyline out, this is obviously a/u and some of the characters are well, a little bit out of character, but isn't that what makes it fun? Eventually we will be introduced to a few more people from the show.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal**

**Chapter 1 - Goodbye to a Friend**

"Fitz you need to let her go" Olivia gently put her hand on his shoulder, they had known each other for years, they had been friends for years. As she adjusted her white lab coat with her free hand, she could feel his firm shoulders relax under her hand. "This isn't what Mellie wanted, you and I both know that"

"She's my wife, Liv" Fitzgerald Grant, president of the United States looked up and over his shoulder at his old friend, his wife's doctor, "What if it were Jake? Would you want to hear this about Jake?"

"Fitz we aren't talking about Jake" Olivia sat beside him, keeping her hand where it was, "This is Mel we are talking about, she is fierce and fiery, and she's very, very sick. You know that, we have been over this, we have talked about the plan with Mellie, you know what the plan is"

"Fuck the plan!" Fitz growled at her, his eyes a searing, dark, grey, "I want my wife back" he practically shouted as tears fell from his eyes, staining his dress shirt.

"Tom, Hal" Olivia nodded to his Secret Service detail, "Can you give us a minute?" she asked, the two men nodded and left her office. Olivia took a deep breath, Mellie Grant had been her best friend for a long time, they had known each other since they were infants, they had gone to college together, and when Olivia had gone to med school, and eventually settled on a career in Washington, Mellie had promised that one day they would live near each other again, when Fitz was in the White House. It had only been a year since he had found himself in office, but Olivia had received a call before that from her friend, while Mellie and Fitz were on the campaign trail she had called Olivia, terrified. Olivia remembered the conversation well, Mellie had found a lump in her breast, and she needed to have a biopsy done as soon as possible. Just weeks before the election, the tests had come back positive, and what was even more terrifying than the fact that she had cancer, was how rapidly the cancer had spread. Mellie had simply thought she was tired from the campaign, that was why she hadn't been feeling well, but all the while, the disease had spread through her body. "You need to be strong" Olivia moved from beside him to in front of him, she got on her knees, placing her hands on his face, "Fitzgerald Grant you need to be strong, if not for yourself, then for your kids. You have 3 beautiful children who need a Dad, because no matter how much we sit here and fight, and no matter how much you do not want me to tell you this, she is dying" Olivia continued, not even realizing the tears had started to fall from her own eyes, "And I hate having to tell you that, because Mellie has been my best friend for far longer than she has been your wife. But we have to try to be strong, and to hold it together, because Mel would kill both of us if we ever fell apart and hurt the kids"

"Liv I don't know how to do this without her" he began to silently sob as Olivia kept her hands on his cheeks, "She was the strong one. I ran the country, she did the hard stuff"

"I know" Olivia pulled him forward, embracing him as she took a moment to allow herself to think about the fact that she was losing her best friend.

_"Livvy! Liv!" Mellie squealed as they stood in her bedroom at her parents summer home in the Hamptons. "I need a smoke" she laughed as her best friend walked towards her._

_"Mel, we are at your wedding. You cannot have a smoke!" Olivia chastised her as she fiddled with her peach coloured strapless dress._

_"What kind of a maid of honor are you?" Mellie protested, her dark hair was loose in curls, much to her mothers chagrin, she had made today about her, her and Fitz. The only thing her parents had gotten a say in was the location, Mellie had chosen her dress and the decor and the food and it was all about Fitz._

_"The kind that doesn't want you to have yellowing teeth and a husband who doesn't want to kiss you" Olivia retorted quickly before taking a moment to gaze at her friend, "Mel, you look beautiful" she smiled, "I mean, seriously, knock out beautiful"_

_"Don't get sappy on me, Pope" Mellie laughed, "We have to be in this together" she took her friends hand, "Promise me you'll always have my back"_

_"I will always have your back" Olivia assured her friend with a smile. "And because I will always have your back, here" Olivia handed her a cigarette and a lighter, "Get into the bathroom, and open the window" she continued, "And this is a terrible habit"_

_"Thank you Livvy! I just need to calm my nerves" Mellie grinned as she skipped towards the bathroom, leaving the door open a crack behind her._

_"Mel" Olivia told her from the other side of the door, Olivia couldn't stand the smell of smoke, "You are marrying the most wonderful man in the world. He is gentle, and he is kind, and he loves you more than anything else in the world. You are going to live the most amazing life together. I promise"_

Olivia stood from where she was, "I'm going to go talk to her. You take a few minutes, compose yourself, and then come see her. She doesn't like it when we get upset, it scares her, she needs to know that we have this, that it is handled"

Fitz could only nod as Olivia walked out of the room, he knew she was going to Mellie's hospital room.

xxxx

"Hey Mellie" Olivia smiled as she entered the room, she could see her 3 god children being ushered down the hall, having just left with a nanny. "Teddy sure is getting big" she managed to smile.

"He's almost 4" Mellie managed to smile slightly at her old friend, closing her eyes as Olivia took Mellie's hand, "Make sure he has a nice birthday"

"I need you to tell me Mel, if you have any more fight in you. If you think you can hold on a bit longer, let me know. Otherwise, it's time"

"Take care of them" Mellie told her, her breaths slow as Olivia held tightly onto her hand.

"I love you Mellie Grant, you have been the best friend I could ever ask for" Olivia tried to keep her composure, she knew these would be the last moments they would share alone together. Next Fitz would come in and say his goodbyes, and then she would bring their kids back, and they would all stay together until it was over.

"Promise me, Liv" Mellie breathed once more.

"I promise to take care of them" Olivia kissed her forehead, "You just stay awake for a few more minutes, I'm going to get Fitz"

"He needs you" Mellie whispered as Olivia let go of her hand.

"No" Olivia shook her head, "He needs you" she told her as she quickly left the room and went back to her office where Fitz was just starting to pull himself together, "It's time" she boomed, forcing him to compose himself, "You go, say your goodbye's, I will get the kids, and Jake, and we will do this together"

Fitz stood silently, he took long strides towards the door as he knew the end was near. He had spent nearly 20 years with this woman, he had loved her with everything he had, and now she was almost gone.

As Olivia watched Fitz enter Mellie's room, followed by Tom and Hal, she walked down the corridor, she knew the kids would be in a private waiting room with their nanny, and her husband, Jake. "Hey" Olivia tried to smile as she entered the room, "It's time" she looked at her husband for support as she took Mellie's youngest son, Teddy into her arms, "Come on kids, take Uncle Jake's hand"

"Is Mom dying?" 13 year old Karen asked quietly.

"Yes honey" Olivia told her honestly, that was another promise she had made to Mellie. She would not sugar coat things, she would be honest, with everyone, and when it was time to go, they would all be together, as a family, and they would recover together, as a family. "She is going to die, but we are going to be okay, because your mom will be watching us from up in heaven"

"I wish she would stay here" Karen told her as tears welled in her eyes.

"Come on" Jake Ballard, Olivia's husband of nearly 18 years took her hand, "Let's go see her"

"Are you alright Ger?" Olivia asked Mellie's oldest son, Fitzgerald Grant III, or Gerry as he was known to his friends and family.

"I will be" Gerry nodded, he was the most like his mother. He didn't show fear, or emotion, he was strong, and stoic, he would be around to support his sister and his young brother, and he would be strong, just like Mellie had always been. Karen on the other hand was more like Fitz, more prone to falling apart and to letting her emotions get the best of her.

"Ger you can be sad" Olivia told him as she walked down the hall, holding Teddy close to her chest, "You get to be sad, Aunt Liv can worry about being strong" she told him as they walked into the room, Fitz gently kissing his wife as she laughed quietly about whatever anecdote he had just told.

"No tears" Mellie looked at her children as Fitz took Teddy from Olivia, "Just promise me" she whispered as she waved for Gerry and Karen to come closer to her, each of them clasping her hand as Olivia leaned back against Jake who was leaning against the door, Jake holding her tight. "You have big shoes to fill, and you are to listen to your Dad and Aunty Liv" Mellie breathed, her breaths becoming more tired with every moment that went by, "You need to do your homework, and study, and be respectful because I might not be here, but I am watching you" she told them, her voice quieter than before, "And I love you kids more than anything" she finished, "Now give me a kiss, and hold my hand"

"Mom" Karen kissed her mother softly, tears falling from her eyes after Mellie's had closed, "I love you Mom"

"It's okay" Gerry kissed her forehead, whispering quietly into her ear, "You can go now Mom, we're all going to be alright"

"Liv" Fitz nodded to her, causing her eyes to jump up from their spot on the floor, "She said you need to say bye again. She said you would understand"

Olivia did understand, as she stepped forward and to the other side of the bed, opposite from the children, the side where all of the machines were keeping her alive. They had already completed the paperwork, signed the forms, she would go peacefully, with her family surrounding her. Olivia knelt forward, brushing her hand on Mellie's, "It's handled" she told her before standing up and switching off the machines which were keeping her alive. Olivia could practically feel her heart breaking as she could see Mellie's breaths becoming more and more shallow. She stroked her forehead as she watched Fitz move towards his children, wrapping his free arm around Karen as she began to sob.

Olivia could see the pain in Gerry's eyes, she quickly walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, he was almost taller than her, even though she was wearing heels, but she held him close, and she smiled when she felt her husbands hand rest on her shoulder. Olivia knew they had made the right choice, she knew that it was time, medically at least, even if it broke her heart to be saying goodbye to her best friend. The worst part though, was when Mellie's laboured breaths finally ceased, Olivia let out a tiny gasp when she stopped seeing her chest rise and fall, and Karen let out a loud sob as Fitz held her tightly.

"It's done" Olivia whispered, barely audible as Gerry turned around and embraced her, she hadn't noticed that he had started crying, and she could feel his body heave into hers as he cried. She held him tight, just like she had since he was a little boy and he had broken his arm when he had visited Olivia and Jake in D.C when he was 6 years old, and Olivia had thought at that time that the two of them would never experience anything worse, but holding him like this, as he sobbed, it was far worse.

xxx

"I first met Mellie when I was 4 years old" she began, taking a deep breath as she stared at the sea of people in front of her. She had been given the task of giving Mellie's eulogy, Mellie hadn't wanted the kids to speak at the funeral, and she knew that Fitz wouldn't be able to do it. So Mellie had asked her dear friend if she would take on the task of eulogizing her. "And although if you asked me now, I would say that I loved Mellie like a sister, it hasn't always been that way. Our mothers were friends, and so we became one of those friendships that some people viewed as forced, and one day, we were playing out front while our mother's enjoyed sweet tea and gossip, Mellie and I decided to go for a ride in the wagon, and when it was my turn, Mellie pushed me down the driveway with so much force that the wagon tipped over" Olivia smiled at the vague memory, "As you can imagine, I was convinced she had done it on purpose" she laughed, along with some of the audience, "Well, anyone who knew Mellie, knew that she certainly was a force to be reckoned with. So after I fell, I remember running back up the house, crying, of course, and saying to my mother 'Mama, Mellie pushed me', and my mom told me to wipe off my dress and stop crying, because it was important to have friends who would push me to be stronger" Olivia could see her knuckles turning white as she gripped the podium. "When I made it back down to where Mellie was standing, her hair perfect like it always was, and her hand on her hip, she told me, 'You can't go crying to your Mom whenever you're scared. Sometimes you need to be strong all by yourself'" Olivia couldn't help but laugh, "So let me tell you, at just 4 years old, Mellie was the smartest girl I would ever meet. I remember the day she met Fitz, we were all attending Harvard together, and she had seen him at a party. Of course, she was dating someone else then, but the second she saw Fitzgerald Grant, she knew he was the one. She said to me, 'Liv, go hit on him' and I thought she was nuts, but there was an aura about Mellie and when she said I should do something, I almost always did. So I walked over, and tried to be charming" she smiled, her eyes locking with Fitz.

Fitz was doing his best not to cry. He was biting his bottom lip as it quivered, and he held his youngest son on his lap, while his other two children were on either side of him, he held each of their hands as he nodded at Olivia, as if telling her that it was alright to continue. On the other side of Karen was Jake who was holding her other hand, and on the other side of Gerry was his maternal grandmother, his only surviving grandparent, Mellie's mother, her namesake, Millicent.

"So I walk over and I say, 'Hey, are you here alone, or can you buy me a drink?', and Fitz seemed to jump, like he had barely noticed me, but I did notice that his eyes were fixed on Mellie's, so as he fumbled around with what to say to me, I looked at him and with attitude like Mellie would have had I said, 'if you ever think you're going to get her, you better learn how to buy a lady a drink'" Olivia's smile grew and her eyes lit up as she continued. "From that moment on, we were all inseparable. Mellie and Fitz fell in love, and it was the most amazing thing to watch. So when Mellie told me a few years later that she was pregnant, I remember we laughed, and we cried, and we were scared together. Mellie was like my big sister, who always did the scary stuff first, paving the way so that when I went to do it, it wouldn't seem so scary and foreign because Mellie would be there to guide me"

Olivia took a moment to relax, she exhaled deeply as she looked at the audience, most of these people were strangers, but she knew that she was speaking for the people who knew Mellie, her kids, her family, and her close friends who knew her. Olivia wasn't telling these stories for the dignitaries, or the press, she was telling these stories for everyone else in the room who had loved Mellie as much as she had.

"When Mellie had Gerry, it was like she had finally met her match, you were like two peas in a beautiful, brunette pod" Olivia looked straight towards Gerry as she spoke, "When you cried, she was the only one who could soothe you. Your dad certainly couldn't, and it meant so many sleepless nights for those first few months, but she loved being with you Ger" Olivia continued, seeing a small smile from the young man, "And then when she had Karen, she loved having someone to protect. So when Fitz came to her and said that he wanted to run for president, you better believe she laid down some rules. Mellie Grant was not about to let the presidency overshadow her young family. I remember she called me, and she said 'Livvy, we are coming to Washington', and I thought it was great, they could stay with my husband and I, and we could have a great time while they were on vacation. But then she corrected me, she told me, quite simply, that her family would be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and then she told me, that I would be required to come for a weekly dinner, every Tuesday night would be family dinner as she called it. That had been her condition, even before Fitz would announce that he would run for the Republican nomination, she had demanded that we have our Tuesday night dinner. That is the kind of person Mellie was, she was a mother, and a friend, and a wife, it was only after all of those things were settled, and safe, that she would be First Lady. So today, we are here, and we need to remember her as being those things, because Mellie Grant was the best friend I could ever have asked for"

xxxxx

"You were amazing" Cyrus Beane, Fitz's chief of staff smiled as he walked towards Olivia.

"Thank you, Cy" Olivia exhaled, she was glad that the _reception, _if you could even call it that, had been friends and family only. She enjoyed being able to laugh, and cry, without a bunch of strangers staring at her. She could only imagine how hard it must have been for the kids to sit through it. "How are you holding up?"

"It's difficult" Cyrus admitted, even though he and Mellie hadn't always seen eye to eye, they both wanted what was best for Fitz, there had been a running joke in the office for as long as Cyrus and Mellie had known each other, "All roads lead to Fitz" Cyrus muttered, he knew that was going to be what kept him going through the difficult months ahead. "We hired a new team of nannies" he told her.

"That was quick" Olivia crossed her arms in front of her, it had only been 4 days since she had died, but it felt like an eternity. It felt like years since she had heard her friend laugh, or since they had cried together.

"She wanted you to approve them" Cy continued, "I mean, we have hired them, but she said you would need to talk to them, because you would know if they were good or not"

"Of course" Olivia nodded, smiling as she saw Jake bringing her a glass of wine, "Thank you" she smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"You look like you could use it" Captain Jake Ballard told her, "Hello Cyrus"

"Jake, it's good to see you" Cyrus told him, they had all known each other for a very long time, and if anyone had asked 5 years earlier, they would have assumed that the only time they would come together for a funeral, it would be Cyrus', or maybe Verna, another old friend, but never in a million years did they think it would be Mellie.

"I'm going to go check on the kids" Olivia interrupted the two men, "Thank you for the wine baby" she kissed Jake gently on the cheek, "Cy I will make an appointment to see you tomorrow?"

"No appointment necessary" Cyrus told her.

xxx

"I thought I would find you here" Olivia sighed as she walked into Fitz and Mellie's bedroom in the residence.

"I just needed a few minutes" Fitz told her as she sat down beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder as she did. "Thank you" he whispered.

"She was so proud of everything you did" Olivia told him honestly.

"Do you ever wonder how different it could have been?" he asked her quietly as he thought back on all of the years they had spent together. "If when you walked up to me at that party, it had really been the first time we had met?"

"Fitz" Olivia warned him quietly, knowing exactly what path he was going down. They had only been down this road a handful of times over the years, and each time was more painful than the time before.

_"Can I buy you a drink?" Fitzgerald Grant smiled as he extended his arm to Olivia Pope, they were barely 19 years old._

_"I...I am waiting for a friend" Olivia smiled as she drank in the figure in front of her, he certainly was good looking. His hair was wavy, but not too long, his eyes were dark and his cheekbones were defined and strong. She was waiting for her friend, Mellie, who had basically demanded that they go to the party, but sure enough, she was late, Mellie was probably running around with her boyfriend. Leaving Olivia in heels that were much too high, and a black dress that was much too short to fend for herself._

_"So am I" Fitz told her, "I'm Fitz Grant" _

_"I know who you are" Olivia told him as he handed her a glass of red wine, "Thank you" she smiled politely, "Olivia"_

_"Olivia" he repeated, "Well, Olivia, it is a pleasure to meet you"_

_"You too" Olivia could feel herself flushing as another partygoer pushed by them, pushing her towards him. The chemistry in that moment was electric. "What are you taking?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper because they were so close together._

_"Pre-law" Fitz told her, not taking advantage of the moment to put some space between them. "How about yourself?"_

_"Pre-med" Olivia told him, "I want to be an oncologist"_

_"And I want to be a lawyer" Fitz responded, "Want to get out of here?"_

It had been about a week before Mellie had seen him at that party, they had enjoyed one night together, she remembered how they had stayed out until dawn, wandering campus, and she would never forget the way he had kissed her, pushing her body against a solid tree behind some of the faculty buildings. They had made love under the stars in a way that as an adult, Olivia thought would be uncomfortable and dirty, but as a teenager, it had been the most amazing thing she had ever experienced, all that was between them was passion, and need, and she remembered how at the time she had thought that maybe they could work out. Maybe she had finally found her match. They had spent one magical night together, but when Mellie had laid eyes on him the next weekend, Olivia knew that she couldn't tell her friend the truth, that she had been with him just days before.

"That was the only lie I ever told her" Olivia sighed as they sat together, "I never regretted it though"

"Which part? The lie? Or us?"

"Both" Olivia told him before standing up, "I'm going to go check on the kids"

"Thank you, Liv"

"You can't be sad forever" she told him, "Eventually you need to stop being sad, and hold it together for your kids. But until then, I'll be strong, and you can be sad" she quietly walked out of the room, and continued through the hallways of the residence until she found the playroom. When they had lived at the Governors Mansion in California, the playroom had been less or a playroom, but at the White House, and once Teddy was born, toys had taken over, and his older brother and sister seemed to be okay with it, as long as they still had a television and the internet. "Hey guys"

"Hi Aunt Liv" Karen smiled, "What you said about Mom was really nice"

"It was all true" Olivia walked towards her, kissing her head, "How are you two doing? Honestly"

"I miss her" Karen sighed, she had changed into a pair of yoga pants and an oversized sweater that Olivia knew was Mellie's.

"I wish I could tell you that would go away" Olivia told her as she picked up Teddy, "But you will miss her every day, and I will miss her everyday, but eventually it will become easier, and eventually the pain won't be so bad" she kissed Teddy's head, "But we always have each other, to talk about her. We will never forget about your mom" she continued, "Fitzgerald are you listening to me?" she looked towards him, he put his cellphone down and nodded, "So whenever you want to talk about her, or cry about her, or look through her old things, you call me if you want to, and we can remember her together"

"Cyrus said we are getting new nannies?" Karen asked her.

"You are" Olivia nodded, "So they can be with you full time...now...now that Mom is gone"

"She's dead" Gerry corrected her, "Saying she is gone makes it sound like she's coming back. She didn't just go on vacation, Mom is dead, she wouldn't want us to pretend that she is coming back"

"You're right" Olivia agreed, taking a deep breath, she missed when these two were too young to understand, too young to talk back, she loved that Teddy wouldn't remember all of this, even though her heart broke that he would never know his mother, she was glad he wouldn't face the same kind of pain.

xxxx

"That was the worst day of my life" Olivia let out a long sigh as she unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor beside her, "You were a rock today"

"You were running around all day" Jake told her as he passed her a hanger to hang her dress on. "How are the kids?"

"Awful" Olivia told him simply, "I'm worried about Fitz though, I don't know if he can really do this on his own"

"He is stronger than you give him credit for" Jake told her, "He will be alright, and if he isn't, we can help him"

"I know" Olivia poured herself into her luxurious bed, "Who was that call from while we were waiting for the car?" she asked, referring to the moments before they had left the White House that evening.

"It was about work" Jake told her, "It can wait until the morning. Right now, I just want to hold you, because this experience has taught me how quickly this can all go away"

"I love you Jake" Olivia smiled at him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I love you too Livvy" Jake kept his arms firmly around her, "Do you think we should have brought Lynsey home for this?" he asked, referring to their 13 year old daughter who was fortunately away at boarding school, the same boarding school that Karen and Gerry normally attended in California.

"No" Olivia shook her head, "Lyn is too emotional, she would have been upset, and I talked to her about it, she was fine staying at school"

"Well you were great with Karen and Ger, it's good that Fitz and everyone is so close" he continued.

"Jake what was the call about" Olivia pressed him, she could tell by the way he was talking that something was up.

"Liv, we can talk about it in the morning, today has been such a long day" he tried to change the subject by kissing her sweetly.

"Jacob Ballard" Olivia warned him, "You tell me the truth and you tell me now"

"I'm being deployed Liv, I have to go back to Iraq at the end of next week" he told her quietly, he knew she would be angry.

"No" Olivia shook her head, "You have an office job. You are friends with the president for christ's sake!" she found herself shouting, "Jake you promised me you wouldn't go back"

"This isn't my choice Liv, you know I wouldn't go back if I didn't have to" Jake tried to calm her, "Olivia it will be fine"

"Don't go" Olivia begged him, "I will call Fitz, I will tell him we need you here. You cannot go"

"Liv" Jake kissed her gently, "I know you hate this, and I hate this too, but this is my job, this is what I signed up for. It is just 9 months, we will be fine, I will be fine, I promise you"


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n - Thank you very much for all of the kind likes/follows/favourites! I think that Mellie and Olivia had a lot in common, they were both driven and smart, so I love them as friends. Now, this chapter moves things forward a little bit quickly so that we can start moving towards Fitz/Olivia (although I do LOVE Jake & Olivia, but that is not the endgame here). Olivia is a little bit more broken in this chapter, but eventually she will get back into the swing of things, it just takes her some time. I am posting this chapter so soon to try to get a feel for whether or not this is a story I should continue, so please let me know what you think of where this is headed.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal**

**Chapter 2 - Misery Loves Company**

"Olivia Pope!" Jake shouted from their bed with a hearty laugh, "You either get back in bed or I am coming to bring you back here"

"You'd have to catch me first" Olivia called back, she was in the kitchen pouring herself a coffee. They hadn't done much but stay in bed for the last 2 days. Soon they would be leaving for California so that Jake could say goodbye to Lynsey, but today was just another lazy day in bed.

"That sounds like a challenge" Jake laughed to himself as he got out of bed and headed towards the kitchen, "Liv, we don't need coffee" he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I'm tired" Olivia told him, turning around in his arms so that they were facing each other. She took a moment to drink in his frame, "One thing I have to admit Captain Ballard" Olivia put emphasis on _Captain _as she spoke, "You have not let yourself go. You are so incredibly sexy" she smiled sweetly as she saw an even larger grin spread over Jake's face.

"Is that so?" Jake kissed her neck gently, eliciting a small laugh from Olivia, as his kisses trailed their way up her neck towards her chin, "I love you Liv"

"I love you too" Olivia smiled as his lips made their way to hers. They truly were a perfect match, almost anyone could see that. Not only were they a beautiful couple but they balanced each other out, Jake managed to calm Olivia who was always focused on work, whereas Olivia challenged Jake to want to do more, and want the best for his own career, and for his family.

xxx

"Don't go" Olivia begged for what felt like the thousandth time.

The week they had spent together had gone must too quickly, she had spontaneously taken the week off, so they were able to spend the time in bed, having fun, being lazy, and they had flown to California with Fitz and the kids in order for Karen and Gerry to visit some of their old friends. They wouldn't go back to school in California, not yet at least, they would continue their school year in Washington.

"Liv, I love you" Jake told her with a smile, wiping her tears as they stained her cheeks, "You are barely even going to notice that I am gone. There will be no one around to call you home from the hospital, so you can be the workaholic that we all know you love to be, and you won't have to deal with my picky eating habits, and you won't have to open a beer for a whole 9 months, I know how you hate beers"

Olivia let out a laugh as she leaned her head against his chest, taking a moment to inhale his scent, "Promise me you will be safe"

"I promise" Jake told her, kissing her forehead as he held her body beside his, "And you make sure you take care of yourself. Don't focus too much on Fitz and the kids, I know you love them, but you need to think about you too"

"I will spend the next 9 months waiting for you to come home" Olivia told him, knowing that he needed to leave soon.

"Don't spoil Lynsey too much for her birthday" Jake warned.

"No promises. But if you stay, if you stay I promise not to" Olivia tried one last time.

"I love you Olivia" Jake kissed her passionately, the same way he had been kissing her for 18 years of marriage, and their 3 year courtship before that, "I'll love you forever and always"

xxxx

"Come on kids" Olivia shouted through the halls of the residence, "It's time for dinner"

"Cyrus said Dad is out of town" Karen retorted as she walked into the dining room where they had spent countless nights having dinner.

"He is" Olivia nodded in agreement as Gerry walked in holding Teddy's hand, "But it is Tuesday, and Uncle Jake is in Iraq, and so even though your Dad had to be gone tonight, we are still having family dinner"

"How long is Uncle Jake gone?" Karen asked as she took a seat at the table.

"9 months" Olivia told her, he had only been gone for 2 days, but it certainly felt like eternity. "So I think we are having tacos tonight, which obviously we can only do because your Dad is not here" Olivia changed the subject, "So come on, let's eat" she smiled as Gerry put Teddy in his booster seat. "How was school?" she tried to encourage conversation.

"It sucked" Gerry shrugged.

"We do not say sucked at dinner, or in front of your brother" Olivia chastised him, sometimes she felt like she was taking a mothering role with them, but then she remembered that it was the same role she had always taken with them, only now their mother was gone, and she was the closest thing they had left.

"It was unpleasant" Gerry corrected himself, "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yes" Olivia nodded, when Fitz had asked her, she had said yes without hesitation, she had no desire to go home to an empty house, her house was too big to be empty. When they had bought it, Lynsey was just a baby, and they had planned to have more children, but as their careers caught up with them, they had decided that one child was more than enough, but they had both fallen in love with that house, and by the time they had decided not to have any more kids, Lynsey had made so many memories in the house, they couldn't imagine selling it. "I'll be here until your Dad comes back on Thursday"

"Can you help me with my science homework?" Gerry asked, he almost always asked Olivia for help with science, any of the arts, or history, his parents would help him with, but not science, science was Olivia's domain.

"Of course" Olivia agreed, "Pass the cheese please?" she looked at Karen who passed it to her quietly, "Do you need any help?"

"No thanks" Karen shook her head as they continued to eat. "I forgot how good tacos are"

"I know" Olivia laughed, they normally had junk food, or just food that was more fun when Mellie and Fitz were out of town, normally Lynsey was with them too, but in this case it was just the 3 of them. "Make sure you don't tell Dad"

"We won't" Gerry assured her as he watched Teddy eat some shredded cheese.

"Do you guys want to watch a movie tonight?" Olivia asked, hoping that she would get more than a couple of words in response.

"I think I just want to go to bed" Karen shrugged.

"Me too"

"Alright" Olivia nodded, recognizing that she was fighting an uphill battle, "If you need me just come get me. You can go whenever you're done" she told them, knowing they would likely immediately get up.

"Thanks for dinner Aunt Liv" Gerry stood up first, walking over to her chair to kiss her cheek, "Thank you for coming over and staying"

"Anytime" Olivia smiled as Karen stood up as well, "I guess its just me and you, Teddy" Olivia stood up as Karen gave her a hug. "I'll come check on you later Kar"

"Thanks Aunty"

xxxx

"I feel like they hate me" Olivia sighed into the phone as she nursed her red wine shortly after putting Teddy to bed. She had gladly taken the responsibility of watching the kids, because she knew they needed structure, and nannies would not give them the kind of structure that Mellie had wanted for them.

"They don't hate you" Abby Finch assured her friend, "This is just different for them, you know how much they loved Mellie"

"We all loved Mellie" Olivia told her. "How are you and Stephen? I haven't seen you since the funeral"

"Well you've been at the White House, and out of town with Jake" Abby told her, "Are you free for lunch tomorrow?"

"Of course" Olivia agreed, "But I have Teddy, so he will be with us"

"That sounds perfect" Abby smiled, "You can pick me up with your Secret Service detail"

"Thanks Abby, I'll talk to you later. Give Stephen my love"

"I will, night Liv, try to relax" Abby told her, as though she could read her mind.

When Olivia went to bed that night, she found herself staring at the ceiling. Something about this was wrong, she knew that something about all of this was wrong. With every moment that went by, she was more and more sure that something was wrong.

When the alarm went off at 5:30, Olivia had slept approximately 2 hours that night, and she was exhausted. The smell of coffee was a welcome scent as she made her way to the kitchen while the kids were still sleeping. Whenever she spent the night, she always got up early for coffee, and to shower before the kids were up.

"Fitz?" Olivia was surprised to see him standing in the kitchen.

"Hey Liv" Fitz smiled as he handed her a coffee, "I got in late, I didn't want to wake you"

"How was Ottawa?" Olivia asked, referring to his trip to meet the Canadian Prime Minister.

"Cold" Fitz smirked, "How were the kids?"

"They were good" Olivia smiled as she sipped the coffee, "I told Gerry I would help him with his homework today, and Teddy and I were supposed to have lunch with Abby"

"You should take him" Fitz told her, "It's important that he does normal things"

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asked him, knowing that something about her friend seemed off.

"I'm just tired Liv" Fitz told her, "It's been a long few weeks, between loosing Mel, and still being president, and trying to be a Dad, it can be a little bit hard"

"Are you sure?" Olivia pressed him a little bit further.

"It's fine Liv" Fitz told her quickly, "I'll be in the Oval, if you need me"

"Of course" Olivia nodded as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving her with her cup of coffee.

xxx

"I don't even know how to deal with all of this" Olivia sighed as she talked with her longtime friend Harrison.

"Liv, it isn't supposed to be easy" he told her honestly, "I mean, I have known you, and Mellie for a long time. Raising her kids was never going to be easy"

"I just can't believe she's gone" Olivia sipped her wine, "But it's nice, to be here, not at the White House, I mean, I'm happy to help, but being at work for these last few days, and not being with the kids, it's been nice"

"You need to live your own life too. How is Lyns doing?"

"Really well" Olivia smiled, "We skyped last night, she is excited to come home for the summer"

"Isn't the summer still a couple of months away?"

"She's still 13, she is always looking forward to summer" Olivia laughed, "How are you doing? Have you met anyone? You haven't dated in forever"

"Thanks for rubbing it in" Harrison laughed, "I'm happy doing what I'm doing"

"And what exactly are you doing?"

"Working" Harrison told her, "Currently defending the hospital you work at from a half dozen or so lawsuits"

"Someone is always suing" Olivia laughed, "I should have listened to Mellie, become a lawyer, then I wouldn't have to tell people their loved ones were dead, instead I could sue after it happened"

"You would hate being a lawyer, Liv" Harrison told her as there was a knock at the door. "Are you expecting anyone?"

Olivia shook her head as she stood up from the couch and walked towards the door, Harrison following behind her. "Fitz" she breathed as she saw him standing in front of her, a solemn look on her face. Before he had the chance to speak she knew what was happening, "No" she shook her head as she took a step back into Harrison, allowing him to grasp her shoulders tightly, "No, Fitz, NO!" she shouted.

"On behalf of the Government of the United States of America, I regret to inform you that Captain Jacob Ballard has been missing in action for 3 days" he breathed as he tried to step towards her, tried to embrace her, "The Government of the United States of America unfortunately believes he is a casualty of the war, and thanks him for his service. He will be buried with full military honours for his years of service, and dedication to his country" Fitz finished his speech, his lips closing in a firm line as he made the speech.

"No" Olivia shook her head, her fists balled up beside her as she shook violently.

"I've got it" Fitz stepped forward and took her shoulders, pulling her out of Harrison's grasp, "Livvy" he prodded as he pulled her body close to his, "I'm so sorry Livvy"

"Why? Why are you here! Why are YOU telling me this?" Olivia spat, trying to push him away.

"Because Liv, I couldn't send someone else to tell you this" Fitz tried to keep her calm against his muscular frame, "Olivia I'm sorry"

It was a blur to Olivia, she couldn't remember the words that he had said, she couldn't remember what she was wearing, all she could feel was the ground falling out from underneath her.

"Liv you need to talk to me" Fitz practically begged her as she sobbed violently against his chest, "Olivia please"

"Go!" Olivia shouted, pushing him away from her. "You need to go, and don't come back. Don't come back unless you are coming back to tell me that you were wrong. That you are going to go deliver this news to someone else. So GET OUT of my house until you can give me some good news"

"Liv" Fitz looked at her, his eyes pleading, "Don't push me away"

"Go" Olivia repeated.

"Look, man" Harrison finally spoke up, shocking himself when he called the President of the United States _man, _"Maybe you should just go, I've got this, I'll call you, Fitz"

"Olivia" Fitz looked beyond Harrison, hoping to catch a glimmer of the woman he knew.

"Go" Olivia repeated.

"Please call me, Liv" Fitz sighed, defeated, "He was your husband Liv, and he was my best friend" he continued, "Do not push me away, I know you are hurting, I know what you are feeling right now, and I know how much it sucks, I know how it feels to lose the love of your life, and you know how it feels to lose a best friend. Do not push me away, I need you, my kids need you"

"You need me?" Olivia glared at him, "I need Jake! Jake needed me! Lynsey needs her father! You should know that, you watched your kids lose their mother, but you! You SENT my husband to die! How could you send him there? How could you take him away from me?!" Olivia sobbed, she knew rationally that she wasn't angry at him, but she couldn't help but feel like he was somehow responsible, and having someone to blame, someone to hate for taking him away from her, that was easier.

"Here" Fitz extended his hand toward hers, using his other hand to open hers, he silently placed Jake's dog tags into her hand.

"Liv" Harrison cautiously wrapped his arms around his old friend, "Liv come on" he pled with her, wishing that just for a moment she would relax, but she was frigid, cold, straight, upright, she was broken. "Livvy come on" he sighed, "I'm so sorry Livvy"

"I need to sit" Olivia told him, straightening herself up while tears continued to stream down her face, "Get me a glass of wine"

"Of course" Harrison agreed, walking into the kitchen while he grabbed his cellphone, quickly texting Abby and Stephen to tell them about the situation. He poured a large glass of red wine and walked back into the living room where Olivia was still perched, stoically in her seat. "Liv" he handed her the glass, "Liv please talk to me"

"He's gone" Olivia stated simply, "I had a feeling...a feeling that something was going to go wrong, I begged him not to go. Do you know what it means when they give you dog tags? Like this" she held up the chain.

"It means that his remains weren't recovered, but they can only assume that something horrific happened. Something horrific happened to Jake, Harrison. My Jake. The man who got me ice cream all through my pregnancy, and the man who stayed up every night with our daughter when she had chicken pox, the man who would always surprise me with gifts, and flowers, just because. Jake is gone"

"Liv?" Abby shouted as she let herself into the house with the key she had for emergencies, "Liv where are you?" she shouted as she made her way into the living room, "Oh my god Olivia" Abby immediately embraced her friend, "Liv talk to me"

"I can't" Olivia whispered as she saw wisps of red hair in her eyes, and she began to sob once more.

xxxx

When Olivia woke her surroundings were unfamiliar, she wasn't sure where she was as she sat up. Hoping that this was all a bad dream, that the past 12 hours, she looked at the clock, 15 hours had never happened. She looked around the room, it was decorated in ivories, and luxurious bedding.

"I'm sorry" Fitz's voice came from the room.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia shot up and looked around, then realizing exactly where she was, "How did I get here?"

"After you fell asleep, I waited outside, we brought you here" he told her, handing her a cup of coffee as he sat next to her on the bed, she couldn't help but notice that the other half of the bed had clearly been slept in. "I didn't want you to be alone. You forced Harrison, Abby, and Stephen to leave"

"I want to go home" Olivia gritted her teeth. She needed to be angry, she couldn't believe that this was somehow just a mistake, someone needed to be held responsible for this.

"You can't go home" Fitz told her, "We're flying to California and getting Lynsey, and then we are coming home. When you get home, we are going to have a state funeral for Jake. I am going to speak because he was like a brother to me, and I know what you are going through Liv. You can't be angry, you need to stop being angry for a minute and try to let me help"

"I want to go home" Olivia repeated as tears once again began to fall down her cheeks.

"Liv" Fitz took a moment and put his arms around her, pulling her towards him, "Come on"

It took her a moment but Olivia took a deep breath in and felt a calm come over her. "Let's go" she stood up, noticing that she was in the same outfit she had been in the night before, "We need to get Lynsey"

"Liv" Fitz was immediately concerned, she was too calm, he knew all too well what it was like to lose a spouse, and he knew that Olivia was not dealing with this, not in a way that was healthy.

"I think I have a suit in the room I stayed in a couple weeks ago" Olivia stood up, "I'll have a shower, we can leave in an hour?"

Fitz knew he had to pick his battles, "I'll meet you in the Oval" he agreed as he tried to reach out to touch her arm, "Livvy please do not shut me out"

As Olivia walked quickly to the bedroom she normally stayed in, she let all of the memories wash over her. She would do anything for this not to be happening to her, just the same way she would gave given anything to not have had to watch her best friend die just a month before.

_"We're having a sleepover, in the White House" Jake laughed as he kissed her bare shoulder._

_"I don't even know where the kitchen is" Olivia giggled as she kept her sheet wrapped tightly around her petite frame._

_"Liv" Jake grabbed her arm and kissed her passionately, ravaging her lips as she smiled against him._

_"I love you" she smiled as he pulled away from her, kissing her once more on the lips._

_"I guess this is what being a grown up is?" Olivia laughed as they finally made their way into the kitchen, "Now where is the ice cream?" she laughed as they walked towards the fridge, "You find the spoons"_

_"What on earth are you two doing in here?" Mellie was laughing as she and Fitz also stumbled into the kitchen in various states of undress._

_"Ice cream!" Olivia squealed as she pulled a tub of ice cream from the freezer and Jake tossed them each a spoon._

_"Ice cream!" Mellie laughed, "And why are we naked?" _

_"Because we were screwing" Jake winked at his friends, "In the White House"_

_"It's fun isn't it!?" Mellie laughed, just like she had when they were in college and they would tell each other about all of the dates they had._

Olivia shook her head, trying to rid herself of the memory as she walked down the familiar hallways.

"Aunt Liv?" the voice came from behind her, surprising her.

"Gerry" Olivia smiled as she turned around, "Hi"

"Dad told me" he walked towards her, "About Uncle Jake"

"Oh" Olivia nodded, trying to hold back her tears through a smile.

"I'm really sorry" Gerry told her quietly, "I always loved Uncle Jake"

"He loved you too" Olivia smiled.

"Are you going to get Lynsey?" Gerry asked.

"Yes" Olivia nodded, "She needs to come home so we can deal with this, and we can all help her"

"We will" Gerry promised her before walking forward to embrace her in a hug, "I love you Aunt Liv"

"I love you too Gerry" Olivia hugged him tightly, "Thank you"

xxx

The plane ride home from California was virtually silent. Olivia had spent a few hours at the school telling Lynsey exactly what had happened. Explaining that her father wasn't coming home, and that Uncle Fitz was here to take her home. Lynsey had been remarkably calm, just like Jake would have been in the same situation, Jake was the strong one. She had cried for a moment, she had grieved, and she had hugged her Uncle Fitz and believed him when he said that everything was going to be okay.

"Liv" Fitz sat down in front of her, "Do you want a drink?"

"No" Olivia shook her head.

"Do you want to have a nap or something?" Fitz asked her, "Lynsey has gone to bed for a little while"

"I'm fine" Olivia told him. "We'll be fine"

"You're staying at the White House" Fitz told her.

"No" Olivia shook her head, "I'm not staying there"

"Liv we can help each other, you know we can help each other. Why won't you let me help you?"

"I don't need help" Olivia told him, "My husband died, I didn't. I can do this on my own. I am strong, Mellie and Jake taught me how to be strong, so no, I can do this on my own"

"Fine" Fitz agreed, "But you are still moving in" he told her, "You move in because I need help, because my kids need you. You promised Mellie you would make sure they were alright, and this is how you can do that. They need someone to be consistent in their lives"

"So be consistent" Olivia spat, "Step down, be consistent and be a father to them"

Fitz sighed, he knew the argument was futile, he knew that she was broken and upset, but she didn't know how to deal with it.

"Mommy?" Lynsey Pope-Ballard called.

"Hey beautiful" Olivia stood up to embrace her daughter, "How are you doing baby?"

"It was real?" Lynsey sighed, the disappointment clear in her voice.

"Yes" Olivia stroked her hair, "I'm sorry baby" she sighed, holding Lynsey by the shoulders and drinking the sight of her in, she looked a lot more like Jake than she did Olivia, she had darker skin, but her hair and her eyes were the spitting image of her father. "But Daddy loved you, he still loves you, and now he is in heaven with Aunty Mel, and they are looking down over us to make sure we are safe"

"Why did he have to go to Iraq?" Lynsey asked.

"I don't know" Olivia sighed, averting her eyes to back to Fitz.

"He went because it was his job" Fitz interjected as Lynsey and Olivia both made their way back to the seats, "Because your Dad loved protecting people, and he was going to Iraq to help people, to make it so that little girls like you could go to school all over the world, he did it so that they could have a life just like you" Fitz told her with a smile, "So no matter what, you remember that your Dad died a hero"

"Can I play with Karen when we get back to Washington?" Lynsey asked quietly.

"Of course" Fitz agreed as Olivia stared out the window absently, "And you are going to stay at the White House for a little bit"

"Why can't we stay at our house?"

"Because I think we all need to be together" Fitz explained, "We need to be strong together, and your Mom is going to help with Teddy, because he's so little, sometimes he needs help"

xxx

"She isn't talking" Abby stared at her best friend as she paced around the funeral home.

"She's scared" Harrison told her. "We can't relate to this"

"I can" Fitz interjected, he had shocked everyone by showing up, but they were all there to help Olivia as best they could.

"I'll go" Stephen told them, shooting a knowing glance at Fitz, he was the only one who knew of their history. "Someone go check on Lynsey and the kids. Fitzgerald you should go run the country, the tax payers don't want to think that you are off dicking around all day"

"I'll check on Lynsey" Abby volunteered, "Fitz I can go back with you?"

"Of course" Fitz nodded before taking one last glance at Olivia, the shell of the woman she had been just a week earlier.

"Olivia Pope-Ballard" Stephen walked into the office where Olivia was staring at a group of coffins.

"You never call me that" Olivia sighed, "No one ever calls me that"

"But its your name" Stephen told her.

"Not anymore" Olivia shook her head as she picked a mahogany coffin, "This one" she told the funeral director, "My name is Olivia Pope"

"Olivia" Stephen sighed as he walked to her side, "Olivia Pope-Ballard. That man, Jacob Ballard was the love of your life, and you do not get to pretend that he never existed. He existed, you were together for 21 years, and you cannot pretend that never happened. You cannot make it go away, even though it hurts, you need to remember exactly why you loved him, and you can remember the good, and remember the bad, because he wasn't always great, but remember everything about him"

"Remembering him hurts" Olivia admitted quietly.

"I know" Stephen put his hand on her back, "But you have Lynsey, and you need to remember him for her, because she is going to need that love, and she is going to need the stories about her Dad, and she is going to need to make a future with her Mom"

"Can you help me?" Olivia asked him quietly as she pulled him into a hug.

"Of course I will" Stephen held her tight, glad that for the first time, she was beginning to deal with her loss, to feel the pain.

"So what do I do next?" Olivia sighed.

"I think that it is about time that you admit that he's gone, and take a moment and deal with that" Stephen told her boldly.

"You're probably right" Olivia admitted, "But what if dealing with it hurts more than not dealing with it?"

"It probably will...at least for a little bit" Stephen told her, "But eventually it will get better"

"I need to pick up an outfit...for the funeral"

"We can do that tomorrow" Stephen told her before he led her towards the lobby, keeping a tight grasp on her hand.

xxx

"So what are we watching?" Fitz asked as he walked into the media room and took a seat on the couch beside Olivia. She had been up for almost a full 24 hours, and during that time she had gone through a full range of emotions, from anger, to laughter, to sadness.

"House hunters" Olivia told him as she took another sip of wine. "I should move to Spain, start over, be a teacher or something"

"Mellie used to say she wanted to move to Europe" Fitz smiled as he put his feat up on the ottoman in front of them.

"I know" Olivia laughed, "She used to say that we could go and spend our days and our nights drinking wine"

"Sometimes I think that would have been better than all of this" he laughed, taking a long swig of his scotch.

"And how exactly is being President going?" Olivia asked him, knowing that he had been stressed out with work, and she knew she was only adding to his problems.

"Well, it's hard" Fitz tossed back his scotch, "And now that I sleep in an empty bed, all by myself because my wife is dead, and I can't call my best friend anymore because he is dead too, I find myself wanting to spend a lot more time in my office, because it is way better than being alone. And then I think to myself that Mellie would kill me if I just buried myself in work, and I want to be a better man for her, because Mellie made me who I am"

"I didn't think I would find someone" Olivia admitted, "All those years ago, I thought I would be alone forever, and then I met him" she smiled, a tear staining her cheek, "And you, and Mellie, and Jake, you were the best family I could have asked for. So when I introduced you to Mel, and you introduced me to Jake, maybe it was the best thing that ever happened to me. He loved me in a way that I didn't really think was possible"

"He loved you from the first time he saw you" Fitz grinned, "We went to that party because you and Mellie would be there, and he had a crush" he continued, it was a story Olivia had never heard, they never talked about all of the things that had happened, usually because it would mean admitting that they had slept together all those years earlier. "I didn't tell him, obviously, just like you never told Mellie, but he saw you, and he just knew you were special"

"You never told me that before" Olivia sipped her wine once more.

"We don't talk about that" Fitz shrugged, "Want another drink?"

"Something stronger" Olivia nodded.

"It gets better. I mean I've heard it gets better, from where I'm sitting, it still sucks, but everyone keeps telling me that it gets way better, or easier, something like that"

"Thank you" Olivia smiled as he handed her the drink, "For all of this"

"You did the same for me Liv" Fitz told her, "And now, we have kids to raise"

"Alone" Olivia sighed, she was exhausted, if anything her relationship with Jake had taught her how to feel more, and in these moments, she hated it, she wished she could feel nothing and just stare at the television screen in front of her.

"We aren't alone Olivia" Fitz told her calmly, "Mellie and Jake would never want us to be alone. We have each other, we are going to do this together"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Again, I really appreciate all of the kind reviews, they are so sweet and make me want to keep writing this so keep them coming. Literally, reading those reviews keeps me wanting to write. Now, something I should have mentioned that I am sure you all picked up on is that the ****_italics _****are flashbacks. So we will have a lot of flashbacks throughout the story which is what allows me to show us the friendships between Olivia/Mellie, Fitz/Jake and the relationships as well between Mellie/Fitz and Olivia/Jake because I do think they are both great couples. In this chapter we see Olivia kind of getting out of her funk, which is good. Also, I have updated the rating to T because I don't know what I was thinking when I said M.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal**

**Chapter 3 - Rock Bottom**

"You have to come Olivia" Harrison cringed as he tried to take her hand from the casket.

"It's empty" she managed to whisper, her voice shaking as she spoke, "He's not in here, it's empty. We will probably never have his remains"

"You can't stay here" Harrison tried once more, it had been hours since the service, and the internment would be the next morning, it would be private, for family and friends only. "Jake wouldn't want this"

"Jake wouldn't want to be dead" Olivia told him. She had always had a sharp tongue, never one to hold back, and when she was upset, this remained true.

"Fine" Harrison conceded, taking a step back, "I'll be back here, waiting. When you are ready to go, we will go"

Olivia closed her eyes, she could only hope that he had gone quickly, that it hadn't been painful, she couldn't imagine such a kind, generous person suffering.

_"Jake?" Olivia called as she walked into the apartment they had shared for 3 months since moving to Washington, even though it had been 3 months, some things were still unpacked, but they managed to get by, they were both just so busy with work, "Jacob?" she called once more as she climbed over a box._

_"Dammit" she heard his voice in the kitchen and she followed it. He looked up when he saw her, "Hi"_

_"Hi yourself" Olivia smiled as she saw that he was trying to cook, he was not particularly well known for his culinary skills. "You're making dinner? I thought we were ordering in?"_

_"I wanted to surprise you" Jake shrugged, he was wearing an apron, and had somehow managed to get pasta sauce on his cheek, it was adorable._

_"Well I am surprised'" Olivia laughed, "Can I help?" she crossed over into the kitchen._

_"No" Jake told her, turning to face her and reaching into his pocket. He quickly dropped to his knee, "Olivia Pope, the reason that I royally screwed up this meal, more than usual, is because I want to marry you" he stumbled over the words as he spoke, and Olivia couldn't help but smile as her hand covered her mouth, "And so here I am, in the kitchen, covered in tomato sauce, asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. Will you marry me, Olivia?"_

_"Oh my god" Olivia laughed, "Of course! Yes!" she pulled him to his feet and kissed him passionately._

The memory was fresh, like maybe it had just happened, Olivia knew that it was a memory that was 20 years old, but she also knew that Jake would hate her for doing this, and so she straightened herself up, and placed a single kiss on the empty casket.

"I'm ready" she nodded sadly to Harrison who immediately stood up and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Do you want to go home?" Harrison asked her quietly as they walked, he knew that there were throngs of reporters outside, but unfortunately there was no way to avoid it.

"Take me to the White House. That's where Lynsey is, right?"

"Yeah" Harrison nodded as he pulled her closer to him while the reporters shouted questions and took photos of her, "It's going to be okay, I promise" he whispered in her ear as they moved through the crowds.

xxxx

Olivia's life was a blur in the weeks that followed Jake's funeral. She remembered bits and pieces, but all in all, she was broken. She tried to do things with Lynsey, but everything hurt just a little bit too much. Olivia Pope was a shell of the strong, courageous woman that she normally was. She had moments where she was strong and fun, and back to being what seemed like her usual self, but then there were moments when she would crumble, and all she would want to do is cry when the realization hit her once more that her husband wasn't coming home.

"Did she get back safe?" Olivia looked up from her spot in bed as Fitz walked into her bedroom.

"Yes" Fitz nodded, he had flown Lynsey back to school, at Lynsey's request because her mother had been too sad. "She says she loves you, and she can't wait to see you soon"

"That sounds like a load of bullshit" Olivia almost laughed but stopped herself quickly, she didn't laugh anymore, nothing was funny without Jake.

"She knows this is hard" Fitz took a moment to walk towards her, he took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Don't you have a country to run?"

"You quit your job" Fitz sighed.

"Who told you?"

"Cyrus" Fitz answered her, "Not that it matters who told me. You love being a doctor"

"I watched my best friend die, I couldn't save her. You should hate me for that, and then, my husband died, I think I just need to take a step back from everything"

"Livvy" Fitz put his arm around her shoulder, "You're allowed to be sad, it doesn't make any of this your fault"

"I wish I could trade places with them. Either of them, I would give anything to have Jake be back, and Mellie be here, I don't know how to do any of this without them" she admitted, even though Olivia was strong, Mellie pushed her to always be more, Mellie made Olivia fight hard for what she believed in, and Jake, he mellowed her out, he made Olivia more human.

"I'm glad you're here" Fitz told her, "But you're right, I have a country to run, and you need to get out of bed today. The staff needs to change your sheets, and clean the room, and you need to eat. Wine isn't a food group"

xxxx

"Aunt Liv?" Karen cautiously walked into the media room where Olivia was watching daytime television.

"Yes?" Olivia did her best to plaster a smile onto her face as she looked towards her niece, "What can I do for you?"

"Well...I have my parent teacher conference tomorrow" Karen began, "Gerry has his too. And mom usually goes, but well...this is the first one that Mom will be gone for, and Dad isn't good at these things, and he's busy with work. Do you think that you could go?"

"You want me to go to your parent teacher conference?" Olivia felt a small smile creeping over her lips.

"Well, otherwise they just send the nanny, or someone from the staff...you know us Aunt Liv" Karen explained, "If you don't want to, or if you can't, it's okay, you don't have to"

"No" Olivia shook her head as she stood up, "I would love to go. What time?"

"7" Karen told her.

"Well, maybe we can go out for dinner afterwards, and talk about it. Does Gerry want me to go to his too?"

"I think so" Karen nodded before cautiously stepping towards Olivia. The kids had realized that Olivia had been a shell of who she used to be since losing Jake, but slowly she was coming back to life, "Thank you" she smiled before she wrapped Olivia in a tight hug. "Lynsey called earlier, she said she misses you"

"I miss her too" Olivia smiled as she hugged Karen tightly.

"How long are you going to stay here?" Karen asked, "Not that I don't like it, I really like it. Having just Dad around here stinks, he doesn't know anything about shopping, or makeup"

"I don't know yet" Olivia told her, "But no matter where I am living, I am only a phone call away, so whatever you need, you call me"

"Alright, so if we're going to be there for 7, we should probably leave at 6:30" Karen told her, "School is hard to get to with all the traffic and the motorcade"

"We'll break a couple of rules tomorrow" Olivia told her, "No motorcade, we will take my car, and I will fight with your Dad about it later. You'll be fine"

"Thanks Aunt Liv" Karen smiled, Olivia knew how she hated all of dramatics it took to get out of the house, most of the time Mellie had been convinced that they would be safer driving around in an ordinary car that didn't draw nearly as much attention to them.

xxx

"I'm going to parent teacher conferences with your kids" Olivia stood at the door to the Oval.

"So I have been told" Fitz barely looked up from the papers in front of him, "Thank you, I really appreciate it"

"I need to do something" Olivia shrugged, "Do I look ok?" she asked, "I mean, I know Mellie used to freak out for days about what to wear to these things"

"You look beautiful" Fitz told her as he looked up from the paperwork, Olivia was wearing a tasteful grey suit, her hair was done and she was wearing makeup, for the first time since Jake died, she looked like Olivia.

"Thank you" Olivia smiled cautiously, "I guess throwing myself into being a mother is probably the best bet. For all of them, I was hoping I might head to see Lynsey over the weekend, I can't stand the way I let her go"

Fitz stood up, smiling, it was like a light had switched back on, she was back to being Olivia, _Livvy, _the woman he had known for years, the woman who had always been there whenever they had needed anything. "You're amazing" Fitz told her as he wrapped his strong arms around her.

"They need us" Olivia stated simply, placing her arms on his muscular back as he hugged her, "We don't get to be sad, they need us"

"I know" he whispered as he kissed the top of her hair, "We can do this Liv" he smiled as he thought back to all of the times he had some version of this conversation with Mellie, "When does the motorcade leave?" he asked her.

"Oh...about that" Olivia tried to smile as sweetly as possible, in hopes that he wouldn't be too angry with her, "I told the kids no motorcade" she explained, "Secret service detail, yes, a decoy car, yes, but just me, driving in my car..." she trailed off but realize quickly that she shouldn't give Fitz any opportunity to interject, "They just want to feel normal, if only for a few minutes, they don't want to shut down streets, they just want to be kids"

"Fine" Fitz agreed, one of the other things being married to Mellie had taught him was when to pick his battles, and he knew that this was a losing battle, "Are you going out for dinner after?" he asked, getting a quick nod in response, "Any chance I can convince you to come back here? We can all have dinner together? You can tell me how it went?"

"Sure" Olivia agreed before turning towards the door, "I'll text you, when we are on our way back"

xxx

"Hello, you must be Mrs. Pope" the teacher stood to shake her hand, "My name is Rachel Gates, I'm Karen's english teacher"

"It's a pleasure to meet you" Olivia smiled, "Obviously you know I am not Karen's mother, but Karen asked me to come, her father is well...busy running the country"

"Of course" Rachel nodded, "Well, Karen is a joy to have in class, she is polite, and punctual, my only concern is her work recently" Olivia nodded as she listened to the words coming out of this woman's mouth, "Lately her work has been a little bit dark, and I understand she has been through a troubling time, but I want to be sure she has someone to talk to at home, as you have said, her father can be rather busy"

"Yes" Olivia tried to fake a smile, this woman was annoying her, to say the least, it was no wonder that Mellie had always hated these things. "Well, I am Karen's godmother, I have known her family for my entire life, and I am actually staying with the kids now, to help their father while we try to move forward. Karen always has someone to talk to, probably too many people if you ask her" Olivia let out a slightly awkward laugh before realizing that the teacher was not amused, "Look, Rachel, Karen has been through more in these past few months than most kids go through in 50 years. She lost a parent, and she lost a man who was an Uncle to her, and so she is allowed to be dark and twisty and scared, all you need to know is that she has support at home, and anything she needs, her father and I will be there to help her with"

"Well, I suppose you have that covered" the teacher, Rachel, moved awkwardly in her seat.

"Did you ever meet Mellie?" Olivia asked, trying to soften the tone of the conversation, Rachel shook her head in response, "Mellie was amazing, Mellie was a gifted, smart woman who loved her kids, and before she died she made me promise that I would take care of her family. So if you have a real concern, beyond worrying that a child is struggling with handling the tragedy that her life has become, please let me know, because I will do anything to keep that promise to my best friend" Olivia told her, channeling her inner Mellie as she spoke.

"I think our time is up here Mrs. Pope, like I said, Karen is a wonderful student"

"Thank you" Olivia stood up and shook her hand before walking out of the room where the kids were waiting with their security detail.

"How'd it go?" Karen asked eagerly as she stood up straight from her position of leaning against the lockers.

"That woman is a moron" Olivia quipped before she could stop herself.

"I know! Right!?" Karen couldn't help but giggle as they walked towards the next classroom.

"I shouldn't have said that" Olivia corrected herself as they walked, "She just...you guys are allowed to mourn, you are allowed to be sad for a little while. No matter what anyone else says, you kids can be sad" she told them, taking a moment to lock glances with both of the kids, "Now who is next"

"Mr. Rosen" Gerry told her.

"Mr. Rosen?" Olivia smiled, "David Rosen?"

"I don't know" Gerry shrugged, "He's my politics teacher, which is slightly redundant if you ask me"

"Sometimes you are too much like your mother, you know that, right?" Olivia smiled, "I'll be out in a few" she told them as she entered the room.

"Olivia Pope" David stood up to hug his old friend.

"David, how are you? I had no idea you were teaching here"

"I've been here for a few years now, how are you doing? I'm so sorry about Jake, I came to the funeral...I just kind of snuck into the back" he told her. David had been married to Abby for 3 years, they had met after Abby had finished school, just after Abby and Stephen had broken up for a short time. David was a great guy, he had been good to Abby, just what she had needed, but unfortunately he wasn't Stephen, and that would be his downfall.

"Thank you" Olivia smiled, "That would mean a lot to him. It was...sudden"

"I can imagine. Liv, seriously, I know everyone is probably asking you this, and I know that you have Abby, and I am just her ex husband, but are you alright?"

"I'm getting there" Olivia told him honestly, "But it is one day at a time. And please, never think of yourself as being just Abby's ex husband, you are a friend" she smiled, "Now, Gerry, the reason we are here"

"Gerry excels in politics, which shouldn't be surprising to anyone, he comes from a dynasty. Truthfully Liv, he is a great kid, his parents should be very proud. He seems to have adjusted well given all that has happened, which would be hard for anyone, but he really is on track"

"That is good to hear" Olivia smiled, "Are there any major things we should be aware of coming up? I mean, I don't know if the kids will be staying here next year, or if they will be heading back to boarding school in California, but there don't seem to be as many things going on as there were back in California"

"Well, I would strongly suggest that Gerry join the debate team" David told her, "I have suggested this to him before, but he hasn't seemed interested. I think he could really excel, and it would be a challenge for him. Sports, they seem to come easily to Gerry, but I think that if he were to have something else to push him, intellectually, it would be good for him"

"I will have to tell his father that" Olivia promised.

"Do you have any other questions?"

"No" Olivia shook her head as she looked over some of Gerry's grades and papers, "But, I am having a cocktail party, with everyone, Abby and Stephen included, you remember it, its my birthday party. I would like you to come, it won't be awkward, we all used to be friends, there is no reason we cannot be grown ups" she smiled, "The school has me as emergency contact for the kids. So look me up, text me"

"It was good to see you, Liv" David told her as they both stood up.

xxxx

"Did you know that David freakin Rosen is one of Gerry's teachers?" Olivia squealed into the phone as she checked her watch, she had 10 minutes until dinner.

"You're kidding me?" Abby sounded shocked, "I haven't heard from him in forever"

"You divorced him Abby, what did you expect? A Christmas card?" Olivia laughed.

"You went to the kids parent teacher interviews?" Abby asked, recognizing that this was progress for her friend, and any progress was good at this point.

"It was nice, to get out, be normal, see David" Olivia purposely enunciated his name, "I invited him to the party"

"You're still having it?" Abby was shocked, it was the annual party Olivia held on her birthday, it was big and expensive, and it was a chance for every one of their friends to get together and everyone got absolutely drunk on over priced booze and tiny finger foods were all that was served. Olivia and Jake had always made it like their date night, he would buy a new designer suit, and Olivia would buy a dress that was to die for. Abby wouldn't have been surprised if Olivia had cancelled it, but she was glad to hear that the party was still on.

"I think we all need something to celebrate" Olivia told her, Abby could tell that she was smiling through the phone, "We've been through a lot, all of us, and I know it will be different, but I still want to have the party"

"Of course, Liv" Abby told her, "Well, I will have to tell Stephen that I need to go shopping. We should go together"

"Absolutely" Olivia agreed, "But I have to go, I'm supposed to have dinner with Fitz and the kids, let him know what is going on at school, and tomorrow I leave for California. I want to fix things with Lynsey, I shouldn't have let her go like I did"

"Olivia, you know she loves you, and she knows how hard this has been for you. But I'm sure she will love seeing you too" Abby told her, "Night Liv"

"Night Abby" Olivia smiled as she hung up the phone and walked towards the residence, she was used to navigating the halls of the White House, she would go and see Cyrus, or when she and Mellie would have a few glasses of wine too many and try to find Fitz and bring him out of his office when he was working too late. She made her way to the dining room, and she had to admit she was shocked when no one was there and the table wasn't set to eat.

"They're in the media room" Cyrus' voice came from the other side of the room.

"Oh" Olivia nodded, "Thanks Cy"

"How are you doing?" Cyrus asked her.

"I'm getting there" Olivia nodded, "I quit my job, which was a little bit compulsive and irrational, but I can sort that out later" she told him, she hadn't really discussed quitting her job with anyone, but in the moment that she did it, it was right for her, it was what she needed to do. She knew she would be able to return to work, or start her own practice, or work as a consultant. "So now I focus on me, and Lynsey, and Karen and Gerry, and Teddy"

"Well make sure there is enough time for you" Cyrus warned her, he had known her for years, he had known her since he had first met Fitz when they started planning his road to the presidency nearly a decade before he had taken office. When he had first met her, Cyrus had been worried that she was going to be a problem, that there was a skeleton in her closet that was going to come out, and it would hurt Fitz and Mellie, but she had turned out to be just the opposite. Something about the way the four of them would always be seen together, laughing, at kids soccer games, or away on trips, it made Fitz seem more accessible, Jake and Olivia brought Fitz and Mellie back down to earth.

"Thanks Cy" Olivia nodded, "Are you and James coming...to my birthday?" she asked him timidly.

"We wouldn't miss it" Cyrus assured her, "Now go, Fitz ordered Chinese, which is pretty much unheard of in this house, so if you don't go have some soon, it will all be gone"

Olivia nodded as she turned on her heels and headed towards the media room, she could hear laughter and noise coming from the room which was such a treat given everything that had gone on. "Hey" she smiled as she walked in and took an empty seat on the couch with Fitz and Teddy.

"Hey yourself" Fitz smiled at her, "The kids tell me you had some choice words about one of Karen's teachers?"

"Well I should preface all of this by saying that your kids are great, that is the consensus from all of the staff, but, one of Karen's teachers, Ms. Gates believes that Karen needs more support at home dealing with her loss" Olivia looked to Karen, "Honey, if you need anything, you will let me know, right?"

"I'm fine Aunt Liv, some days are just...hard" she shrugged as she ate some rice with her chopsticks.

"That's what I thought" Olivia nodded, "But the kids are doing great, they have good grades, they are respectful, Fitzgerald over here" she pointed to Gerry, "Needs to join the debate team at the request of Mr. Rosen"

"Mr. Rosen?" Fitz nodded at Olivia suspiciously.

"Yes, _that _Mr. Rosen" Olivia laughed, "But seriously Ger, why don't you join? He says you would be great"

"Debate team is for dorks" Gerry shrugged, "And I'm so busy with soccer, and swimming, and water polo, I don't have time for anything else"

"I was on the debate team" Fitz countered quickly, "Ger you need to be versatile, you need to do different things, you can't just fit into a mold, you aren't _just _a jock, you can be more than one thing. Just tell me you'll think about it?"

"Fine" Gerry agreed, "I'll think about it"

"So" Olivia interrupted, turning her attention to Fitz, "I know that you normally don't come to this event, especially not since you started running the free world, but my birthday party" she began.

"I wouldn't miss it" Fitz assured her, "I'm glad you're still having it"

"What goes on at this party?" Karen piped in, "Mom used to talk about it for months before and after it happened"

"It's just a grown up party" Olivia explained, "Your mom and I always had a lot of fun planning it, and picking out our clothes, it was a fun time" she told them, her voice softening slightly as she spoke.

"And I haven't been to this party in nearly 5 years, so you better believe I will be there" Fitz smiled, "Although that does mean your house will be overflowing with members of the Secret Service"

Olivia shrugged, as though that was simply the price to pay for having her friend attend her birthday, "Teddy, how was your day?" Olivia looked at the little boy who was patiently eating his food while the others talked around him.

"Good" Teddy smiled at her, he had dark hair, just like Mellie's, and big rosy cheeks, which also reminded Olivia of Mellie when they had been younger, "Aunty Wiv" he smiled as he stood up and walked over to her, cautiously maneuvering himself on to the couch.

"Yes sweetheart?" Olivia smiled as she lifted him onto her lap.

"I love you" he told her sweetly as he gave her a hug. Fitz smiled, he loved seeing Teddy as a normal child, it was so hard to know what to say or how to act with him, simply because he was so young.

"I love you too Teddy" Olivia kissed his head as she held him close. "Do you have big plans tomorrow?" she asked the little boy as she tickled his stomach.

"No" Teddy laughed, "Aunty Wiv, stop it!" he continued to giggle as Olivia stopped tickling him.

"Well, why don't you come with me on an airplane, and we can go see Lynsey" Olivia suggested, looking quickly at Fitz who nodded as if to say it was alright.

"On a plane!?" Teddy was clearly excited.

"And you can see Lynsey, you love playing with her" Olivia smiled.

"That sounds like so much fun" Fitz smiled at his son, "Come over here Teddy" he asked as his son moved from Olivia's lap onto Fitz's. "If you go with Aunty Liv, you have to promise to be on your best behaviour. You have to be a big boy"

"Daddy" Teddy crossed his arms with an attitude he only could have gotten from his teenaged sister, "I am always a big boy"

"Of course" Fitz nodded with a laugh.

"Aunt Liv?" Karen interrupted the moment, "Do you think...well...I have my spring dance coming up, and Mom had said I could go this year, could you take me shopping for a dress?"

"Why do you need to go out shopping?" Fitz interjected while he played with Teddy on the couch.

"Because...?" Karen rolled her eyes at her father as though she was making the most obvious statement in the world.

"You can have the designers come to you, just set up a little boutique in the residence and you can pick something" Fitz shrugged, "Your mother did it all the time"

"Fitz" Olivia smiled at Karen, "Can we talk for a minute? Outside?"

"Sure" Fitz nodded, removing Teddy from his lap while he stood up, "Ger, Karen, watch your brother please" he told them, receiving a grunt from Gerry and a promising nod from Karen, "What's up?" he looked at Olivia as they entered the hall.

"Karen is a kid, she wants to go to the mall, and do normal things because so much of her life isn't normal" Olivia explained, "And so I know that most women would love to have a designer boutique set up in their houses, but Karen just wants to go to the mall like a regular kid"

"Liv, it's not as easy as just going to the mall like a regular kid, you know that" Fitz ran his hands through his hair.

"I do know that" Olivia nodded, "But we need to make it work because she wants to experience things like a normal teenager would. And if you say no" she continued before he could interject, "Her response is going to be something to the effect of 'if Mom were still here, she would let me' and she would be right, because Mellie wouldn't deprive her of this, and if she were in California, we would just make sure she had a solid detail, and send her on her way" Olivia finished making her point in what seemed like one giant breath.

"Why does she want to go to a mall so bad? They are busy and dirty and grosse"

"Because they have boys, and soft pretzels and Starbucks, malls have everything teenaged girls love" Olivia laughed, "Fitz, come on, trust me"

"Can we at least shut down the stores they want to go to?"

"No" Olivia shook her head, "Unless you want to raise a Barbie who thinks the world revolves around her, you need to expose her to normal things. She can go with her friends and their parents, and a security detail, it will be safe, I promise you, or I can take her if she still wants that, and take some of her friends too. You can give her a budget and she can pick something she wants. I think that would mean a lot to her"

"I will have to have someone draw up the logistics, so we will tell her maybe" Fitz agreed.

Olivia chuckled to herself as she walked into the room, "Alright Kar, when I get back from California we can go, you can invite 2 friends, and you can get some new things. Gerry, if you want to come you can come too, or I can take you another night, or whatever you want"

"I can order online" Gerry shrugged.

"Oh my god! Really?!" Karen squealed.

"Yes" Olivia smiled.

"Daddy?" Karen turned to her father.

"Yes" Fitz nodded, glad to see that she finally seemed to be excited about something, he could see the sparkle in her normally grey eyes, "Do I get a hug at least for that?"

"OH MY GOD!" Karen squealed again as she practically launched towards her father, "Abigail will never even believe it when I invite her"

"Don't get too carried away" Fitz warned as he embraced her warmly, "There will be a budget for this shopping trip"

xxx

"Mom?" Lynsey looked at her mother with shock as she opened her dorm room door.

"Hi" Olivia smiled as she awkwardly balanced Teddy on her hip.

"Lynsey!" Teddy grinned as he saw her.

"Teddy" Lynsey smiled, "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well" Olivia explained, "Can I come in and I will tell you?"

"Of course" Lynsey nodded, stepping aside to let her into the room, "My roommate, Cassie is gone for the weekend"

"Well soon you will be too" Olivia smiled, "I felt badly" she explained as she put Teddy down on the floor, "Don't touch anything Teddy" she warned him, "Sorry, I felt badly for not bringing you back, and for how out of sorts I have been lately, and I thought I should come here, and we could spend the weekend together, and we can laugh, and talk, and cry, and mourn Daddy if you need to. It's been tough, between Aunt Mellie and Dad, it has been nearly impossible for me, so I can only imagine what it was like for you, and not having your Mom be there for it, that must have been impossible"

"It's ok" Lynsey tried to assure her mother as she watched Teddy look curiously at all of her books.

"So we can go to the ranch" she explained, referring to Fitz's remaining property in Santa Barbara, "And its just us, and Teddy, and the Secret Service" Olivia smiled, "We can shop, we can swim, we can do our nails or just eat junk food"

"Mom" Lynsey smiled as she looked at her mother who nodded for her to continue, "Thank you" she hugged her.

"Baby I'm so sorry I wasn't around like I should have been, I know I should have been the grown up"

xxx

"So are you going to stay at the White House forever?" Lynsey asked as Olivia delicately painted her toenails while Teddy napped in his bedroom.

"I don't know" Olivia answered honestly, "Obviously I will keep the house, but right now Uncle Fitz needs help and its easiest to help if I stay there. Karen and Gerry don't need a lot unless Fitz is out of town, but Teddy, he can't just have a nanny taking care of him"

"What would Aunt Mellie want?" Lynsey asked again, she always referred to Mellie, and to Jake in the present tense, even though she knew rationally that they were gone.

"Well, I think if the situation were reversed, Mellie would do whatever it took to take care of you, so I think I need to do the same for Teddy"

"Mom can I ask you something?" Lynsey sighed, taking a long sip of her water while Olivia looked up from the task at hand.

"Shoot" Olivia nodded.

"Do you ever think Dad is coming back? I mean...they didn't find his body, isn't that a good sign? Doesn't that mean he could just be captured, or hurt? I mean, what if he's alive out there? Is Uncle Fitz even looking for him?"

"Lyns" Olivia sighed, looking at her daughter, "You're right, they didn't find a body, but when they tell us that Daddy is gone, it means that they looked really hard. So I would love to hang on to a hope that maybe he is still alive, but we need to mourn and move on, because that is what Dad would have wanted. You can't spend your life hoping for a what if"

"I just wish he wasn't gone" Lynsey admitted softly.

"I know, we both do" Olivia gave her a small smile, "But we have each other, and we are going to be ok"

"When did you and Dad first come here?" Lynsey asked, referring to Fitz and Mellie's sprawling estate.

"Dad came here before me" Olivia explained, "He met Uncle Fitz when they first started school, and this is the Grant family estate, so they used to come here for spring break and things like that. I first came here to visit Aunt Mellie just after she had been married, when your Dad and I were just dating"

_"I cannot believe that Fitz and Mellie live here" Olivia laughed as the massive gates to the property swung open as Jake punched in an entrance code._

_"It's the Grant estate" Jake shrugged, "This is who Fitz was destined to be, well that, and leader of the free world if you ask his father"_

_"I guess Mellie hit the jackpot then" Olivia laughed as they drove up the long gravel driveway, it was lined with trees and she could see that the lawn and the rest of the grounds were impeccably manicured and well kept. _

_"You can't get this in the city" Jake told her, referring to their plan to move to downtown Washington to start their lives. "You can't walk to get pizza, or Chinese, you don't know your neighbours" he continued as if to try to dissuade Olivia from getting it stuck in her head that they should live in a place like that._

_"I know" Olivia smiled at him, tucking her hair behind her ear as the car came to a stop in front of the massive home, "But hey, at least we get all the benefits, without paying the taxes" she laughed as they got out of the car._

_"That's the right attitude" Jake laughed as he went to grab his bags from the back._

_"LIV!" Mellie squealed as she ran out of the front door to hug her best friend, practically knocking her over in the process, "Oh my god you're here!"_

_"Mellie" Olivia laughed hugging her tightly, it had been almost a full month since they had seen each other at the wedding, Fitz and Mellie had gone on a 3 week mediterranean honeymoon immediately after, and then they had moved into the house. "This place is amazing"_

_"It's insane" Mellie laughed, even though she came from money, old money, her family had never been much for ostentatious shows of their wealth, their wealth was more subtle, the Grant estate, the Grant wealth, it hit you like a bowling ball._

_"You belong here Mellie" Olivia told her as she snaked their arms together._

_"I'm showing her around!" Mellie shouted to Jake as they began to walk around the house, "Fitz is inside" _

_"Thanks" Jake laughed as he grabbed the last bag and made the familiar walk into the house, "Fitz?" he called as he walked in._

_"Jake, hey" Fitz smiled casually as he grabbed a bag from his friend, "Welcome back"_

_"It's different now" Jake lamented, "I mean, now that its yours"_

_"Yeah" Fitz looked up at the high ceilings, "I guess we're supposed to fill this place with kids"_

_"Enjoy it first" Jake told him as they walked into the kitchen, "This place could use a remodel" he laughed, noting that it was the exact same as it had been when they were younger, "Make it yours, enjoy Mellie, have sex on the table and in the hot tub, then worry about kids"_

_"You're probably right" Fitz nodded, "Where's Olivia?"_

_"Mel is showing her the grounds" Jake explained, "I was asked to bring the bags in"_

_"Ever the gentleman" Fitz smirked, "Why don't we all go for a swim"_

_"They will kill us" Jake stated simply, knowing exactly what his best friend was thinking._

_"They'll be upset for a minute" Fitz shrugged nonchalantly, "Come on, just because I'm married and have a house doesn't mean Mellie and I have changed, we're all the same people we were 6 months ago at school" he laughed, beginning to walk out towards the patio. "Ladies" he shouted at Olivia and Mellie who were looking at the gardens._

_"Hi" Olivia smiled as she turned and walked towards the men, embracing Fitz when she got to him, "Some house you've got here, Grant" _

_"I forgot you haven't been" Fitz told her, kissing her gently on the cheek, trying to ignore the electricity that was always between them._

_"Well I've been missing out" she laughed as she moved towards Jake while Mellie approached her husband, "Mellie says you're going to gut the place?"_

_"Absolutely" Fitz agreed, "Whatever Mel wants" he told them bringing her close to his side. "But first" Fitz laughed as he picked Mellie up and walked quickly towards the pool, Jake following suit as he picked Olivia up, both of the women knew them well enough to know that they were going in the pool._

_"Just hold onto him Liv!" Mellie shouted, obviously she had done this before, and knew that by holding on, they would bring the men down with them._

_"Livvia let go" Jake warned as he dangled her over the pool, but instead she simply tugged back slightly on her arms which she had strategically placed around his neck, causing them both to stumble into the pool._

_There were splashes, followed by laughter, and then more splashes as Fitz and Mellie tumbled into the pool as well._

_"It's cold!" Olivia chastised Jake as she kept her arms tightly snaked around his body as they found the bottom of the pool to settle themselves._

_"Then why'd you drag me in with you?" Jake smirked, "Trying to give me hypothermia too?" he laughed before giving her a gentle kiss._

"Did you and Daddy always love each other like that?" Lynsey asked quietly, she knew both of her parents would light up when they talked about their past, when they talked about their great love.

"Always" Olivia nodded.

"Can I come home, for school?" Lynsey asked.

"I thought you loved it here?" Olivia looked at her daughter, her brow wrinkling with concern.

"I do, but now...with Daddy gone, I kind of want to be home" Lynsey shrugged, "And Karen and Gerry are here...wouldn't it just be easier? If I were home, I mean?"

"Honey if you want to come home, all you have to do is say so, and you can finish out the semester here, and then we can bring you back to Washington"

"I want to come home" Lynsey nodded.

"Alright" Olivia smiled, "I'll start the paperwork as soon as I am back in DC. But right now" Olivia looked at her watch, "I need to get Teddy up, and you need to go make us some popcorn for a movie"

**A/N 2: So I know it seems like Olivia is kind of stepping in with the kids, and she is, so we will have some things coming up. A) Backstory - why is liv just stepping in, and B) Revolt. But who will be revolting? The kids? Fitz? Lynsey? Olivia? Cyrus? We will probably spend a few chapters making 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, also I'm trying to write long chapters but I feel like I might be spoiling you guys ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well again i thank you all for the reviews, you are all so kind and make me want to keep writing this. Like I said, we will see lots of flashbacks that highlight the issues and joys of all of the different relationships in the show. **

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal.**

**Chapter 4 - Electric**

"Go see Daddy" Olivia smiled as she set Teddy on the ground at the door to the Oval.

"Hey there little man" Fitz stood up from his papers as his son wandered towards him, "Did you have a good time with Aunt Olivia and Lynsey?" he asked as he picked Teddy up and hugged him.

"We went swimming" Teddy told him triumphantly. Teddy hadn't spent much time at the ranch considering he was more or less born on the campaign trail, but he always loved to play outside when he was there, "And Lynsey come home!" he babbled.

"Oh?" Fitz looked towards Olivia for confirmation.

"At the end of the year" Olivia nodded, "She wants to go to school here, with Karen and Gerry"

"I guess that makes sense" Fitz agreed, "You seem happy" he told her honestly.

"I am" Olivia smiled, "I mean, as happy as I can be with a dead husband and a dead best friend"

"No kidding" Fitz laughed.

"How's saving the world?" Olivia asked, taking a seat on the couch as Teddy requested to be left to play with his toys. Fitz complied and put him on the ground happily before returning to his desk.

"Hard" Fitz winked picking up another stack of papers, "But there is actually something I want you to read. It's about healthcare reform"

"Fitz" Olivia gave him a knowing look, "I don't know much about healthcare reform"

"No" Fitz agreed, "You don't, but you do know about the healthcare system from working in it, and I need someone to look over this who isn't going to kiss my ass about it, or fight it just because I'm a Republican" he explained, hoping that Teddy hadn't noticed his choice of words.

"Fine" Olivia agreed, standing up and taking the papers. "When do you need them back?"

"As soon as possible" Fitz told her, smiling knowingly when she had turned her back.

"I'll go read these in the residence" Olivia called, halfway out the door as she read the documents.

xxx

"Hospitals need more government funding" Olivia stated simply as she dropped the papers down on Fitz's desk, much to his and her shock. "This plan" she began pacing in a circle, "This plan is great, I mean, in theory it all makes perfect sense, but without funding, how can hospitals help these people?"

"How much?" Fitz asked her sternly, he was different when he was in president mode versus friend mode, he was a challenge, and Olivia loved a challenge.

"I don't know" Olivia admitted, "You would need accountants to work with a hospital administration for that. I'm a doctor not a bank teller" Olivia told him, "But even though you are changing the name of the problem" she explained, referring to the concept of 'universal health care' as it had been deemed in the brief she was reading, "You still have the same problem, people in areas that have a lower standard of living, and lower wages, they still can't afford healthcare, they can't afford to pay their taxes to support the system, so without an infusion of cash from somewhere, these hospitals can't function with this plan. Money needs to come from somewhere"

"I don't have a printing press for cash" Fitz told her simply, "I can't just give away money"

"Fitz, you asked for my help, this is my professional opinion" Olivia told him, "Not as an accountant or a financial person, but as a doctor. And as a doctor, I am telling you that to help more people we need more money, end of story"

"Thank you" Fitz smiled as she finished. "I'll have some financial analysts look at this" he nodded to her brief, "And see what we can do"

"You remember that my party is on Saturday, right?" Olivia asked, suddenly feeling like a teenager afraid of rejection

"Don't worry" Fitz assured her, "I'll be there. In fact, I believe my security detail is going to need to scope the place out, so if you don't mind going over with them?"

"Of course" Olivia nodded.

xxx

"God, sometimes I forget that you and Jake were loaded" Abby rolled her eyes as they looked through the racks at Neiman Marcus.

"Because you and Stephen are so destitute?" Olivia rolled her eyes as she continued looking for dresses.

"Ok, maybe you're right" Abby agreed, "So who is coming to this thing?"

"Everyone" Olivia stated as though it were a fact, "I mean, David is coming, and Fitz says he is making an appearance this year"

"The President is coming to your birthday party?" Abby laughed simply at the way it sounded.

"My longtime friend is coming to my birthday party" Olivia corrected her, "He hasn't been in years, he and Mellie used to come to Washington for the weekend, just to attend this party"

"I remember" Abby smiled, "So what are you wanting to wear?"

"Something that doesn't scream 'hey I have a dead husband and have to be celibate for my remaining years'" Olivia told her with a laugh.

"Are you ready...I mean, to move on?" Abby asked her.

"I don't know" Olivia admitted, "I mean, it hasn't been long, I know that, and I'm not saying I want a boyfriend at this very moment, but sometimes...I mean, all I do is hang out with Fitz and his kids, and then occasionally I get out with you and Stephen, or Harrison, but its hard. And you guys are all busy with your own lives, you don't have time to take care of me" she continued as her fingers stopped moving on a dress, "This is it" Olivia grabbed the strapless leather dress from the rack. It was a black Badgley Mischka dress that Olivia never would have ordinarily worn, but it was tight and just what she needed for her birthday.

"You certainly cannot be having a fat day in that" Abby smirked.

"I need to try it on" Olivia stated as she marched off towards the fitting rooms, Abby following a few steps behind.

"You know who would have loved that dress" Abby called as Olivia changed in the fitting room.

"Jake" Olivia answered quickly, "He was always trying to get me to try on things that were a little more...risque"

"Well, he would be impressed" Abby laughed.

"You ready?" Olivia asked somewhat nervously from the changing room.

"Just come out" Abby rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest, "We haven't even started looking for me"

"I mean, I'm going to have to get a new pair of shoes, and obviously more dress appropriate underwear" Olivia stated as she stepped out of the dressing room in the impeccably fitted dress.

"Olivia freakin Pope" Abby grinned, "You are a knock out"

"You don't think that... I don't know, I'm a Mom, I'm a wif-" she began without thinking, "widow" she corrected herself quickly.

"I think it is perfect, and I am going to have to keep my husband away from you" Abby laughed, "Thank god the Secret Service will be there!"

"I guess this is it" Olivia agreed, putting her hands over her flat stomach, "So shoes first or your dress"

"My dress" Abby told her as Olivia got back into the changing room to remove the dress, "Just because your husband died doesn't mean the world revolves around you" she joked, she liked that they could joke again, that even though things weren't really back to normal, they could talk and move forward, Jake wasn't taboo, they just had to move through it.

xxxx

After countless stores and countless pairs of shoes, Olivia was relieved to have arrived back at her house, with her own car, and no security detail. She quickly realized though that she hadn't really been alone at her house since she had found out about Jake. Thankfully the cleaning lady had come in and cleaned the place, so the evidence of her meltdown had long since been cleaned up, but the house looked exactly as it had when Jake had left it. It looked as though he was supposed to come back. His keychain on the hook, his jacket in the closet, his shoes by the garage door. When he had left for Iraq she had left all of his things where they belonged, because she knew he would be coming back to claim them, but he wasn't coming back anymore. Olivia knew she would need to clean it, but she wasn't really sure how she could, how could she pack him up into neat little boxes and throw him away?

As she walked further into the house, she smiled at the picture from their wedding. Unlike Fitz and Mellie's elaborate wedding, Jake and Olivia had been married barefoot on the beach in St. Lucia in front of about 30 family and friends. They had exchanged vows as the sun set over the water and partied and danced until the wee hours of the morning with their loved ones.

Olivia tried to wash away the memories as she took a seat on the couch, trying to remember what it was like to be alone, something she hadn't been in a long time. She smiled as she felt her cellphone vibrate in her pocket.

"Hi" she smiled into the phone.

"You went back to your house?"

"You're having me followed?" Olivia laughed.

"I put a detail on you. Someone I trust" Fitz told her, "I should have told you, but I worry about you. You know that"

"Is he outside?" Olivia stood up and peered out the window of her charming two story house, charming probably wasn't the appropriate word to describe it given that it was nearly 5,000 square feet plus a basement. She smiled as she noticed a dark sedan parked about 5 doors up.

"His name is Huck" Fitz told her, "Can I send him in to meet you? You'll like him, he worked with Jake years ago, so he knows about you, and he is a good guy"

"Is he my security detail or my next husband?" Olivia rolled her eyes, she could tell Fitz had been caught off guard by her comment, "I'm kidding, you don't need to pitch him _Mr. President_" she laughed.

"Are you coming back tonight?" Fitz asked her.

Olivia took a moment to pause and think about it, she really hadn't been alone here since Jake had died, she would have to face it eventually, "No" she answered quietly, "I need to do this, and I have to do it alone, so I guess I will stay here"

"If you need me, just call, ok?"

"Thank you"

xxxx

It was 3am and Olivia couldn't sleep. Instead she found herself sitting on the floor of her massive walk in closet, clutching one of Jake's suit jackets, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't be in that house, not alone, not tonight. She could only think that this was all a cruel joke as she wrapped one of the jackets to his dress uniform around her shoulders, inhaling what was left of the smell of his cologne. She knew it really smelt like dry cleaning, but she had to pretend she could smell him, that she could hold onto him. She had brought up a bottle of red wine, she was trying to remove him from the closet, to remove him from her life, but instead, every item she pulled out she just let the memories wash over her.

_"Jake, we can't" Olivia laughed as he kissed her gently._

_"We're at a friends house. We have sex in the closet at friends houses all the time" Jake laughed, "And this dress is way too sexy to not take advantage" he kissed her again, smiling when he could tell she was accepting his advances._

_"We are at a state dinner" Olivia murmured against his lips as his hands found their way quickly to the hem of her dress._

_"Do our friends not live here?" Jake laughed, pushing them both against the door to block anyone else's entrance, he knew she would protest, but when her hands found their way to his belt buckle, he knew that her protests were simply an illusion, so that if they got caught she could pretend that it was spur of the moment._

_"Jacob Ballard" Olivia laughed as she unfastened his belt and then moved to his shirt, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt and loosened his tie to gain access to his neck, she gently kissed it as she knew he was ticklish._

_Their tryst in the closet of the residence had been quick, it had been fun, and it had been exactly what they needed. The spontaneity was something they would never lose, and something they both loved._

_"Where were you two?" Mellie smirked as she hugged Olivia while they 'met' in the reception line._

_"No where" Olivia felt herself flushing._

_"I swear to god, this is not a brothel!" Mellie leaned in and joked, causing both women to erupt into a fit of laughter._

_"Thank you for inviting us Mellie" Olivia changed the subject quickly, "You look beautiful" she told her before moving to Fitz, "Hey good looking" she laughed as he kissed her cheek._

_"You look...satisfied" Fitz smirked, knowing the conversation he had just had with Jake._

_"You two boys are disgusting" Olivia whispered with a laugh, "The things you discuss"_

_"You look amazing, as always" Fitz told her, "Save a dance for me" he suggested as she began to move away, "We both know Jake has two left feet" he joked._

_"Are you sure you're not talking about yourself Fitzgerald?" Olivia laughed, knowing that Fitz was a terrible dancer._

"Do you need some help?" his deep voice nearly made her jump out of her skin as she turned to see her new security detail stalking behind her, hunched over with his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jeans.

"Oh" Olivia exhaled with relief when she saw who it was, "You scared me, how did you know I was up?"

"You left the light on" Huck told her simply, "I figured given that your husband died and you hadn't spent much time alone since then, you were probably moping, and I was just sitting out in the car so I let myself in"

"You broke in" Olivia repeated before addressing the other portion of his comment, "You aren't really one for subtlety, are you?"

"It's true" Huck stated once more, "Isn't it? You're up, because you miss your husband, and you think that by being around his things you will feel less alone?" Olivia nodded silently, "And I didn't break in, I have a key"

"Would you like some wine?" Olivia raised the bottle to her newfound friend, she knew that the two of them would get along, he was what she needed, a swift kick in the ass.

"I can't drink, I'm on the job" Huck told her, "But we can watch tv, or I can sit here, while you sleep...so you'll feel less alone"

"You knew him?" Olivia asked, referring to what Fitz had told her earlier.

Huck nodded, "He was a good man" he told her, "And he loved you, and your daughter"

"I know" Olivia gave him a half smile, "That's what makes this so much harder. If he was a bad husband, or a bad father, or even if he were just an okay husband and father, maybe him being gone would be easier. But he was a great husband and a great father, so I miss him, I miss him so much it hurts, and I am pretty sure I can feel my heart breaking"

"We did a tour together in Afghanistan" Huck sat on the floor cross legged beside her, "In 2002, I guess it was his first tour for this war" he continued, "And he told me once that he wasn't afraid of dying" Olivia nodded in response, her brow creasing as she tried to decipher what that statement could have meant. Was Jake not happy? "He said that he didn't have to worry about dying, because he had lived a full life, and it was full of love and he had a wife and daughter who had given him the best life possible. Jake didn't want to die, and he didn't want to leave you, or your daughter, but he knew that if he did die, he would have lived a life full of love" Huck continued, "And that is because of you. I wish he hadn't died, and you probably do too, but at least he lived a life that he loved"

"Thank you" Olivia managed to choke out as she hugged his jacket closely around her body.

"You can't just sit here" Huck told her, "You can sit here for 15 more minutes, or we can actually start cleaning, but if you are just going to sit here and be sad, then you can do it in bed, and try to get some sleep. Nothing will happen, when I'm here, you are safe" he told her simply, all she could do was nod, because she trusted him.

xxx

"Are you going to install the dance floor?" Abby asked as the two women sat with their arms crossed staring out at the backyard.

"It's unseasonably warm" Olivia stated, referring to the insane weather they were having, even though it was only March.

"Well, you had a dance floor last year" Abby told her, "And the dancing is fun"

"I had a husband last year too" Olivia quipped quickly, she didn't mean to be so harsh, but sometimes it was just a fact. Having a dance floor was a lot more fun when you had someone to dance with.

"I..." Abby began to stammer for an apology, "Liv, I'm sorry, I just...you know you're so good most of the time"

"I know" Olivia agreed with a nod, "I'm good, until I'm not" she shrugged.

"So the perimeter is safe" Huck appeared from the bushes, "Why is your fence so tall?"

"Who is this?" Abby looked oddly between the stranger and her friend.

"Abby this is Huck, Huck you probably already know who Abby is if you've been following me" Olivia gestured between the two of them, "Huck is my Secret Service detail courtesy of Fitz" she explained, "As for the fence, it is something you install once your best friend becomes First Lady in case she ever wants to come over for wine. My windows are all bullet proof too...it'll be quite the selling feature" she laughed.

"Well the rest of the detail, Tom and Hal will be here tomorrow to check it out. I will be plain clothes tomorrow" Huck told them, "I'm going to go find out where the snipers are going to be"

"There are going to be snipers at your birthday?" Abby scoffed.

"Abby, there have always been snipers at my birthday, at least since Fitz became Governor of California and used to come"

"I guess I really did miss the little world you and Mellie lived in" Abby smirked, noticing how Olivia was glancing absently at the space where the dance floor had been placed the year before.

_"Mellie come on, dance with me" Jake grabbed her by the hand and gently lured her onto the dance floor, "We both know Fitz has 2 left feet, so he isn't even missing anything right now"_

_"He would hate to hear the way you talk about him" Mellie laughed as she allowed herself to be pulled into his arms, settling one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand, "No funny business"_

_"No one ever needs to know about the funny business" Jake joked as they happily danced to the music, "Are you having a fun time?" he whispered in her ear as his eyes connected with Olivia who was enjoy conversation and a drink with Stephen and Harrison._

_"I love this party" Mellie laughed as Jake twirled her around on the dance floor, "This is the one day a year that I don't feel like First Lady, I just feel like me"_

_"Well you look amazing" Jake laughed as the song slowed and the dance came to an end._

_"Thank you" Mellie smiled, "You always know how to make a girl feel good" she told him as she grasped his hand and they marched off towards Olivia, "I'm stealing your husband" she laughed as she grabbed a glass of champagne with her free arm from a passing waiter._

_"No fair" Olivia protested as she kissed Jake gently on the lips, "Your husband has 2 left feet, why would I give up my dancing machine for a guy who can't even handle karaoke?!"_

_"Well ladies, I'm glad to know that I am in such demand" Jake smirked, releasing Mellie's hand and wrapping his arms firmly around Olivia, "But I don't think I can woo Fitz's wife when he isn't even here to put up a fight, and we all know that he would be willing to take those 2 left feet out for a challenge"_

_"You know" Stephen interrupted with his thick accent that he knew made all of the women swoon, "I believe Mrs. Grant owes me a dance, I mean if we really want to know who the best dancer is, she'll have to compare"_

_"Stephen does drive a hard bargain" Mellie laughed as she downed her champagne and took his hand, "Make me an offer I can't refuse Stephen" she laughed as he brought her onto the dance floor._

_"Darling I have made you so many of those offers and you always say no" Stephen joked as the next song started playing._

_"Olivia" Jake extended his hand to his wife._

_"Jake" Olivia smiled as she took it and followed him onto the dance floor. _

_"Are you having fun?" he asked her, his breath hot against her ear._

_"This is probably the best birthday yet" Olivia told him, "Thank you, for everything"_

_"You deserve it, and if you don't deserve it, Mel deserves it" Jake told her quietly, "She just needs a night where no one is eavesdropping, there is no press, she can get stupid drunk, and at the end of the night, we all love her just the same"_

_"She does" Olivia agreed, "And I need my birthday" she laughed, resting her head against his shoulder, "No naked twister this year though" she warned sternly, even though he could tell that a smile was playing on her lips._

_"You loved it the year we played naked twister" Jake laughed, referring to the year the party had been held in Santa Barbara._

_"Excuse me" a voice came from behind them, it was Mellie's Secret Service detail, "You have a call Mrs. Pope-Ballard"_

_"She goes by Pope" Jake corrected them as Olivia took the phone and rolled her eyes, obviously knowing who was on the other end._

_"You didn't even pretend you'd come this year" she stated, the annoyance in her tone carrying through to full effect, "I guess that is a step up from last year. So to what do I owe this pleasure?"_

_"Livvy" Fitz smiled into the phone, he was at the White House, working, even though he had always loved these parties, he hadn't been to one since just before he announced his candidacy. "Happy birthday beautiful"_

_"Thank you Mr. President" Olivia smiled, "What world issues are you solving tonight"_

_"I'm picking your birthday gift" he laughed, "I wish I could come Liv, you know that"_

_"I know" Olivia smiled, "Maybe we can have dinner"_

_"Of course we can have dinner" Fitz corrected her, "Is someone making sure my gorgeous wife gets drunk?" _

_Olivia quickly scanned the party where she saw that Stephen and Mellie were no longer dancing but instead they were taking shots with Harrison and Abby. "Yes" she answered with a laugh, "Mellie is having a great time"_

_"Keep her happy" Fitz smiled, "I'm sorry I couldn't be there, make sure Mellie has a great time, and I love you Liv, you know that, right?"_

_"Love you too, Fitz" Olivia smiled as she hung up the phone and returned it to Mellie's detail._

_"He sends his regrets?" Jake knew the story, the same one he had given her for the past few years, and each year it disappointed her just a little bit, because it took away from the time they had always spent together._

_"We'll have dinner" Olivia shrugged, "But in the meantime, we should go have another drink"_

_"No" Jake took her arm gently as she started to walk away, instead pulling her back into his arms, kissing her passionately on the lips, and bringing his mouth right next to her ear, "In the meantime, I love you"_

"Earth to Olivia" Abby snapped her fingers, "Did you even hear what I said?"

"Oh? What? Sorry, I was...I was thinking about last year" Olivia shook her head, "I mean how to set up the bar and everything. It was really warm last year too"

"Uh huh" Abby nodded before glancing at her watch, "Anyway Liv, it's 3:45, I need to go get the dry cleaning and I should probably be seen at the office today for a little bit, put in some billable hours after dinner while Stephen plays poker"

"It's 3:45!?" Olivia's eyes shot up.

"Yes, shit Olivia, you should start paying some attention"

"Crap, crap, crap" Olivia ran quickly inside, "Lock up please!" she shouted as Abby trailed behind her, "I'm sorry, I love you, I'll see you on the weekend!" she told her as she fumbled to get her keys in her car and quickly dialed a number on her cellphone.

"You forgot" Karen stated simply when she picked up the call.

"I'm just running 15 minutes behind" Olivia told her, "I'm so sorry, are you girls ready?"

"Yes Aunt Liv, we're ready" Karen told her, Olivia could practically see her rolling her eyes as she spoke.

"Ok, I'm really sorry, be ready, I'll be there in no time flat, and I will buy the first round of Starbucks" she promised.

xxx

"This is where you want to start?" Olivia looked at the three girls as they all stood with their drinks outside of BCBG, "You know what your budget is...right?"

"Yes Liv" Karen rolled her eyes, leading the girls into the store.

Olivia couldn't help but notice how Karen had dropped the _Aunt _portion before getting in the car, "Alright, well, go wild, but I don't want to see your butt, your boobs or anything else"

"We know" Karen told her sarcastically as the girls began to shop.

Olivia enjoyed watching them shop, she imagined this would be what the outside world would have seen of her and Mellie when they were younger, although it was the 80s so everything would have been poofier and more neon. Olivia knew as well as anyone else the importance of having good friends, and she was glad that Karen seemed to have made some, despite only having been at the school for the semester. She couldn't quite decipher if the fact that she was rich, and her dad was President had anything to do with that popularity, but regardless, Karen seemed happy.

"Aunt Liv?" Karen whispered as she showed her a strapless black high-low dress, "What do you think?"

"It looks great" Olivia smiled, "But try it on, that's half the fun" she smiled as Karen ran off to re-join her friends. Thankfully the girls either hadn't noticed or didn't care that there were at least 6 Secret Service agents around them, not in their way, but keeping a close distance at all times.

_"Liv" Mellie shouted, causing Olivia to nearly jump out of her skin, "What are you even thinking about?" she asked as they sat down on the couch of their off campus apartment to eat popcorn and watch movies._

_"Nothing" Olivia lied, she was thinking about _**_him, _**_she had slept with Fitzgerald Grant the night before, and she couldn't quite get it out of her head._

_"Did you meet someone?" Mellie asked her, obviously excited by the prospect._

_"Kind of" Olivia told her, Olivia knew full well that Mellie had been eyeing Fitzgerald Grant, she didn't know exactly how interested she was, but Olivia knew better than to have slept with him._

_"Well tell me about it?" Mellie grinned, tucking a lose dark curl behind her ear as she curled her legs underneath her body, "Who was it?"_

_"I don't even know his name" Olivia lied, "I was drunk", which was true, "We just...we walked around campus, and we held hands, and Mel, kissing him was like the most amazing thing, he just...it was like having the wind knocked out of you"_

_"Sounds amazing" Mellie eagerly awaited more information, "How did you not get his name?"_

_"I don't know" Olivia shook her head, "And the sex" Olivia continued, "Oh my god the sex, we were on the lawn, behind the science faculty building"_

_"Wait, wait, wait!" Mellie interrupted her with an eruption of giggles, "You had sex...on the lawn?"_

_"I don't know" Olivia laughed, "Yes, I just...we got so caught up in it" she continued._

_"Well he must have been great, for you to still be this giddy about it. You need to find him!" Mellie told her._

_"You're right" Olivia agreed, "Something about it Mel, it was just electric"_

"Aunt Liv" Karen interrupted her thoughts, "We're ready for the next store"

"Oh, yeah" Olivia nodded, "Are you getting the dresses?" she asked her.

"Yeah" Karen nodded, handing the dress to her, "I'll need some shoes too" she told her.

"Of course" Olivia smiled, taking the dress to the checkouts, "If you take your sidekicks" Olivia nodded to the Secret Service, "You can go ahead while I pay"

"Really?" Karen grinned, "We're going to get another Starbucks and then to Nordstrom's"

"I'll meet you in shoes" Olivia agreed as she watched the girls walk away, only to be followed a few steps behind by a group of Secret Service agents.

xxxx

"Girls, it's nearly time for the mall to close" Olivia sighed as they sat in Sephora trying on various different products, she turned to look at Karen, "Kar your Dad wants you to come home"

"Come on Aunt Liv, just a few more minutes" Karen begged.

"Karen, no" Olivia told her sternly, "We need to get home"

"Are you going back to your own house or are you going to be at the residence _again" _Karen asked rudely, putting emphasis on her obvious desire to show off to her friends.

"Excuse me?" Olivia looked at the teenager she had watched grow up, "Do not take that tone with me Karen" she warned, "Let's go, buy what you want and let's go"

"Whatever" Karen rolled her eyes.

Olivia let out a long sigh, she knew that the battle had begun. Karen was a teenager, things were not going to be easy for any of them, just like they wouldn't have been easy had Mellie been alive, but at least had Mellie lived, she would have been a mother. On the trip to drive her friends home, Karen had continued to make equally rude comments to Olivia, about anything and everything that she could.

xxx

"Karen Grant!" Olivia shouted as the two got into the residence, Karen walking a few paces ahead of Olivia while she walked with her bags. "Karen!" she boomed once more.

"WHAT?!" Karen turned to Olivia and glared, making it clear that she was ready to put up a fight.

"Karen you do not get to be rude to me in public, you do not get to ignore what I say" Olivia told her sternly.

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Karen screamed, "STOP IT! JUST STOP YOU AREN'T MY MOTHER YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME ANYTHING!"

"You're right" Olivia answered calmly, "I am not your mother. But your mother was my best friend, and when she died she asked me to take care of you. Your Mom wasn't afraid of dying" she continued, "But she was afraid for you, and for Gerry, and for Teddy, she wanted you to have support, so that is why I fought your Dad to take you to the mall with your friends. You do not get to speak to me in that tone"

"I hate you!" Karen spat before a familiar voice interrupted them.

"Karen do not speak to your Aunt that way" Fitz told her sternly. "Go to your room. You are grounded, we are returning everything you bought, and I will talk to you later. Go to your room NOW" he told her before she had a chance to say anything in response.

"I'm sorry" Olivia ran her hand through her hair as Karen stormed off towards her room, "We just...we needed to go and she kept flipping me this attitude" Olivia explained.

"Liv" Fitz walked towards her, putting both hands on her shoulder, knowing that she would look up at him, "She's a kid" he told her as he could see her eyes beginning to water, "Someone needs to tell her no, and it was you, so she is upset. You didn't do anything wrong, she can't talk to anyone like that, much less you. I'm sorry that you went through that" he told her as the tears began to fall from her eyes and down her cheeks.

"I'm just trying to keep my promise to Mellie, she wanted them to be safe, and normal, and well adjusted" Olivia told him.

"You're doing great" Fitz pulled her into a tight hug, "I love you Liv, and my kids love you, this is just difficult for them"

Olivia sighed deeply, her arms clinging to his strong shoulders as she continued to cry. She inhaled his scent and smiled briefly at its familiarity. There was one thing though that she couldn't deny as she stood in his arms, the electricity that had been there decades earlier, was still there. It was different, it had changed over the years, but Olivia still knew she was safe in his arms.

**a/n 2: I am going to try to have the next chapter up tomorrow, it will probably be a long one, but might give us a little bit of Olitz! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Well don't I just have the best readers. You guys are seriously great. So, we see a little bit of Olitz today. YAY! But, one step forward, 2 steps back, neither Olivia or Fitz are quite ready to move on yet so it is going to be difficult. Keep reading, I am trying to move it forward without completely ignoring the fact that they were both married, and widowed, and they have children to raise. They can't just jump into a relationship, can they? Also, for those of you wondering about Jake and Mellie, there was nothing going on there. They were just all good friends, and trying to stay true to Jake on the actual show, the man is a charmer, so he just has a flirtatious/fun relationship with women.**

**Chapter 5 - Birthday Wish**

"Happy birthday beautiful" Harrison smiled and brought breakfast in bed into Olivia's room.

"Thank you" Olivia smiled as she sat up and took the tray, noting her favourites were on the tray, waffles, a fruit salad and yogurt. "This looks amazing"

"Well you know me, I am a culinary genius" Harrison laughed, taking a seat beside her on the bed, "Now, I have a present for you" he told her.

"You didn't have to get me anything" Olivia told him, taking a sip of coffee.

"It isn't from me" Harrison sighed as he pulled out a small blue box from his breast pocket.

Olivia let out a long breath, she knew immediately who it was from. Jake never would have left over her birthday without having something planned. He never would have left and not planned something for her birthday, "Have you looked?" she asked, taking the box from his hand.

Harrison shook his head, "Do you want me to give you a few minutes?" he asked her.

"No" Olivia told him, putting the box down on the tray and beginning to eat her breakfast, "I'll open it later" she assured him, "So, are you bringing a date tonight?"

"I think so" Harrison agreed.

"Oh really?" Olivia grinned as she took a bite of her fruit salad, "Who is she?"

"She's from work" Harrison tried to answer nonchalantly, but the smile spreading on his lips was something she couldn't ignore.

"You've been seeing her for a while" Olivia stated simply, "I know it"

"No I haven't" Harrison lied.

"How long?" Olivia laughed, she was genuinely excited for her friend, she knew how much he had been trying to help her since Jake died, but it was important that he meet someone and live his own life.

"About a week before Mellie died" Harrison told her, "That's when we first started dating, but with Jake and Mellie, I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it" he explained himself.

"Harrison" Olivia looked at him, "You are my friend. I always want you to be happy, so you can always tell me about things that make you happy...even if I'm having a rough time"

"Eat your breakfast" Harrison leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "I love you Liv"

"Thank you" Olivia smiled as she continued to eat her meal.

xxx

Olivia spent the entire day trying to ignore the tiny blue box that she had put on her bedside table. She knew that Jake probably did something wonderful, something to show her what a great husband he was, and how much he loved her, even though he was overseas. He had probably planned to make a video call to wish her a happy birthday, but none of that would be happening anymore because he was dead now.

She had ordered the party planner around and gone to get her hair, nails and makeup done with Abby. Normally this was a tradition she spent with Mellie. Olivia could remember every single year that they had gone to the salon together to get ready.

_"Mellie are you sure you're up for it?" Olivia looked at her friend as they sat in the chair at the salon._

_"Liv" Mellie looked at her, she was pale, and tired, that much was evident just by looking at her. The chemo and radiation had taken its toll on her, but she was still determined to make it to her best friends birthday, "This will probably be the last time we do this" she told her simply, "And I would like it to be great"_

_"Mellie you will be here for more parties" Olivia lied, as a doctor she knew that Mellie probably wouldn't be alive another year, but as her friend, Olivia wanted to believe that there would be some medical miracle and that everything would be alright._

_"Olivia" Mellie looked at her, "In about an hour, I will look made up, and happy, and like my old self and you will not mention the word cancer tonight. You will not look at me like I am sick, we will have this night where we have the most amazing time, and celebrate you, because you are an amazing person" Mellie told her with a smile, "But I do have one request"_

_"Anything" Olivia told her as she could feel the heat from the flat iron straightening her hair._

_"You take care of my kids. You make sure they don't turn into society brats, they are to do well in school and be respectful. I wish we didn't have to have this conversation, but we do, and I need you to to be their friend, and their confidante, but also a parent because sometimes they are assholes, and they need a kick in the butt"_

_Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Mellie had just referred to her own children as assholes, but unfortunately it was true of almost any child sometimes, "I promise Mel, I will take care of them"_

_"And Fitz" Mellie wiped the tear that was escaping her eyes, "Take care of him, sometimes he needs someone to tell him to stop working, and focus on the important things. You promise me to take care of my family?"_

_"You're not going anywhere today Mellie" Olivia tried not to cry, "Today we are going to have fun, because it's my birthday, and today is about us"_

"Alright ladies" the makeup artist broke Olivia from her thoughts, "You two are all set for your night"

"Thank you" Olivia smiled, handing her credit card to cover the cost and taking a look at herself in the mirror.

"You look great" Abby told her.

"Thanks" Olivia nodded, "So do you"

"This must be hard" Abby told her quietly, "I mean, your husband is gone, and Mellie is gone, and I know today is normally a thing you do with her. I guess...I'm sorry that you're stuck with me"

"Abby" Olivia sighed, trying to give her a smile, "You're right, this is really hard, but I am lucky to be here with you. I am not stuck with you as a friend, I am fortunate to have you as a friend"

Abby gave her a small smile as they both slipped out of the chairs, heading to the counter for Olivia to sign for the services on her credit card.

"Have you talked to Lynsey today?" Abby asked as they walked out to the black limousine which was waiting for them. It was another tradition that no one be driving on Olivia's birthday, it meant they could have wine and mimosa's and cocktails all day long without having to worry about have a designated driver.

"She called after breakfast" Olivia told her, "She has a dance this weekend"

"That's fun" Abby smiled, "She's growing up"

"I know, it's scary, right?" Olivia laughed, "It feels like she was just born yesterday"

"Do you remember how she used to keep you up all night?" Abby laughed, thinking back to when Lynsey had been an infant.

"Oh my god, if I tried to do anything, she would lose it. The second Jake walked into the room though, no more tears, she would just fall right to sleep when she was in his arms" Olivia smiled, "She was a great kid though"

"She still is" Abby assured her.

xxxx

"You should open it" Fitz's voice came from behind her as she stood, staring out her bedroom window towards the back door of the house.

"I know" Olivia didn't even turn to look at him, "But it will hurt"

"You're right" Fitz agreed, walking to her bedside table where the box was sitting, "But you can't not feel" he told her as he picked it up and walked towards her, "You look beautiful" he told her as he approached her at the window.

"Thank you" Olivia swallowed the lump that was in her throat, "It's weird...having you here"

"I know" Fitz laughed, "I haven't been here in a long time" he told her, it was true, since becoming the President, he hadn't stepped foot in her house, he had missed parties and dinners and everything else. "It looks good" he told her as he took the bag and set it down on the bedside table closer to where she was standing.

"You should come over more often then" Olivia turned to face him, "You look handsome" she told him.

"Thank you" he smiled as she fixed his tie like she always did when they were together.

"Do you think you can handle this much party?" Olivia smiled, "I mean, you haven't been in years, and in case you forgot, it gets pretty rowdy"

"I am the President" Fitz told her with a playful grin, "I know how to party"

"You should go get a drink while I finish getting ready" Olivia told him.

"Open it" Fitz told her.

"You know what it is, don't you?" she looked at him as he walked towards the door.

"He loved you, Liv, more than anything in this world, Jake loved you"

She looked at her watch as he walked out the door, she had 15 minutes before the guests would start to arrive, there would be a security screening on the way in to make sure that no one had guns, or bombs, which Olivia found to be a little bit ridiculous given that these were herfriends, not political adversaries. She walked to the bedside table where Fitz had set the box from Jake and picked it up. She couldn't help but smile at how he had pre-planned this, how he had known he would be away, and wanted to celebrate regardless. She untied the white ribbon which was holding the blue Tiffany's bag together and pulled out the small box, she could tell that it was a ring box. As she opened it there was a small card, just a simple white card with Jake's handwriting on it.

**_To my darling Olivia, I love you more than words can say, and I am sorry that I am not with you to celebrate. I hope that you love your gift, and have an amazing day. _**

**_All my love, Jake_**

Olivia felt the tears begin to drop down her cheek as she read the card, it was enough to send her over the edge, she couldn't believe that she was spending her birthday without him. As she opened the ring box she smiled, it was the ring she had been eyeing as a replacement for her original engagement ring. A beautiful 2 carat modified cushion cut diamond, surrounded by 2 rows of bead-set diamonds and a beautiful diamond band, needless to say it was magnificent. Olivia didn't even think he had noticed the day she had jokingly tried it on when they were out shopping. She should have known better, Jake was always paying attention to the little things. She slowly slid the ring onto her finger, it fit perfectly, it was perfect.

xxxx

"Holy shit where did you get that sparkler?" Abby grabbed her friends left hand and began inspecting it as Olivia made her way into the backyard.

"It was my birthday gift" Olivia told her, "From Jake, he picked it out before he left"

"Liv" Abby hugged her, "It's beautiful, you are beautiful"

"Thank you" Olivia smiled, embracing Stephen after Abby released her, "So I don't see a gift in your hand, nor do I see a drink in my hand...so something must be wrong because it is my birthday, and this is not how we celebrate" she laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well I have a gift" Stephen playfully handed her a box, "Do you want to open it now, or gift table?" he asked as he grabbed a glass of champagne, "And I also have a drink for you"

"Well you certainly are the perfect man" Olivia laughed, "Gift table though please" she told him as she took the champagne glass and handed him back the box. "Thank you both for coming, I really appreciate it"

"We love you Liv" Abby told her, "I'm going to go find Harrison"

"He brought a date" Olivia smiled as she was left with just Stephen.

"How are you doing beautiful?" Stephen gently draped his arm around her shoulder, "It looks like a smashing party, and you look beautiful"

"You are such a charmer" Olivia laughed, taking a sip of her champagne while she greeted the arriving guests. "Thank you for coming" she kissed a former colleague on the cheek, "It is so good to see you"

Olivia grabbed another drink as she watched the party begin, she could see her friends drinking, and mingling and dancing. There were only two things missing, Mellie, who was always her sidekick and partner in crime, and she was missing Jake. She looked at the ring on her finger and couldn't help but think about how lucky she was, that even long after he was gone, he was still surprising her.

"So do you dance at this party normally?" Fitz came from behind her.

"I have rules about dancing at this party" Olivia smiled as she turned to face him, "The first is a requirement of a left foot, and a right foot"

"You know" Fitz took the champagne flute from her hand, "I feel like all those years ago, I was given a bad reputation, for no reason, one bad dance and I was blacklisted" he took her other hand and began to take her towards the dance floor.

"Oh? You think this has all been a slight to you for the past decade?" Olivia laughed as she put one arm on his shoulder and the other hand in his hand.

"I think it has" Fitz laughed, one hand settling on her lower back and the other squeezed her fingers, "Are you having fun?"

"As much as I can" Olivia assured him.

"So tell me" Fitz whispered in her ear as they continued to dance, "What happens next? After the party?"

"Well" Olivia laughed, "First we do shots, lots and lots of shots, and then normally someone ends up naked, and Mellie and I would have pillow fights" she joked.

"So was the naked part true at least?" Fitz smirked.

"Not even close" Olivia told him, "The shots part, that is true, and then normally we end up passed out on the couch, and in the morning, we order Chinese for breakfast" she laughed.

"Well that sounds like a tradition that we will have to uphold" Fitz smiled as the song slowed.

"You know" Olivia smiled as they pulled apart, "All these years, and maybe you were right, maybe you weren't _that _bad a dancer"

"Well thank you" Fitz laughed.

"So where is my present?"

"Present? My being here isn't enough?" Fitz joked.

"Not even close, Mel always got me the best present"

"It is on the gift table" Fitz assured her, "When do you open presents?"

"Tomorrow" Olivia told him, "We open the presents while we recover from the hangover"

"So let's do shots" Fitz told her, breaking apart and walking towards the bar. "Tequila" he told the bartender, "4 shots please"

"4 shots?" Olivia raised her eyebrow at him.

"Come on Pope, have some fun" he told her as they each took a tequila shot.

"DAVID!" Olivia shouted as she turned around and saw her old friend, or her friends ex husband as he called himself.

"Olivia" David smiled as he gave her a hug, "Great party"

"Thank you" Olivia giggled, "You know Fitz...you two've met, right?"

"Mr President" David shook his hand, "It's nice to meet you"

"You too" Fitz nodded, "I...I don't think we've met before, call me Fitz, or Fitzgerald, anything but Mr. President"

"Well that certainly is weird" David laughed, "I mean...I'm at a party with my ex wife, and the president"

Fitz laughed as he took ordered another round of tequila and gave David a shot, "Well, lets make it un-weird" he laughed. "Here's to ex wives, and Olivia's birthday" Fitz raised his glass before tossing the shot into his mouth.

"David" Abby appeared from behind them, her red hair pulled tightly back into a bun, "So glad you could make it" she kissed his cheek gently.

"It's good to see you Abby" David told her, "Where's Stephen?"

"Oh he's around" Abby told him, "Did you bring a date?"

"No" David shook his head, "Can I get a scotch please?" he nodded to the bartender who happily complied, "No date for me" he took a sip of his drink.

"Well it is really great that you could come" Abby smiled awkwardly.

"Well this is weird...awkward...weird and awkward" Olivia drunkenly interjected, "You two used to be married!" she laughed.

"Liv" Fitz whispered protectively into her ear, "Cool it" he warned.

"Sorry" Olivia laughed, "Drunk!"

"No, no" David smiled, "It's not awkward, we're all adults" he tried to make it seem slightly more comfortable.

"Well, I'm going to go...find Stephen" Abby told them, "David it was really great to see you" she smiled.

"You" Olivia poked David's chest with her index finger, "Need to find a lady"

"Olivia" Fitz laughed before looking at David, "I'm sorry, she's my best friend, but right about now she has no filter"

"Don't worry" David laughed, "I remember"

"CYRUS!" Olivia grinned as she saw Cyrus and his husband, James, entering through the patio door. "I'm going to go say hi" she told the men before grabbing yet another flute of champagne.

"So you're one of Gerry's teachers, right?" Fitz nodded to David, "And Abby's ex husband"

"I prefer Gerry's teacher" David laughed, "Yeah, he's a great kid, and so is your daughter"

"Thanks" Fitz smiled, "They've been through a lot, him and his sister, but they enjoy school, so I should probably appreciate the little things"

"Olivia is a big part of their life?" David nodded to Olivia.

"Liv and Mellie, my wife, they were best friends" Fitz explained, "We were all best friends, Livvy, Mel, Jake and I, we did everything together, and those two girls, they loved each other more than anything. Honestly, I think they would have married each other if they could have"

"I remember" David laughed, "When...when Abby and I were married, the 3 of them would have girls nights and girls weekends and everything possible to do together" he explained, "Who's she talking to?" David nodded to the man that Olivia was talking to.

"I think they worked together" Fitz shrugged, "He's from the hospital"

xxxx

"Thank you for coming, Edison" Olivia smiled at her former co-worker, he was a doctor, a neurosurgeon, so they had rarely worked together on cases, but they saw each other often enough.

"Well we miss you at the hospital" Edison told her, "Happy birthday"

"Thank you" Olivia smiled.

"So, is your daughter back in town?"

"No daughter talk" Olivia laughed, "I'm drunk, and it makes me feel like a bad Mom when I talk about her when I'm drunk"

"Well then how about dinner?" Edison suggested.

"Dinner?" she repeated cautiously.

"Dinner, you, me, a meal, wine, candles"

"Can I get back to you?" Olivia felt herself sobering up slightly at the question, "I...my friend...Fitz...he...uhhh. I need to go say hi" she told him.

"Call me in a couple of days" Edison suggested, "We'll set something up"

xxxx

It took 6 shots of tequila before Olivia was down for the count. She was drunk, there was nothing else to say about her, she was absolutely drunk.

"Come on" Fitz smiled as he tried to pull her off of the couch, he had had about as much to drink as she had, but Olivia had ended up far more drunk than Fitz. "Bedtime beautiful" he told her. He had requested that his security detail wait outside, he knew they were safe inside her house and all of the guests were gone.

"I don't want to go to bed" Olivia pouted, she was drunk, her hair was falling apart and out of place and she had taken off her shoes earlier in the night. "Tell me how it would have been different. Tell me what you wanted to do after that night? Did you want her, or did you think about me?"

"Did I think about you" Fitz repeated cautiously, obviously he was more drunk than he thought given that he was willing to entertain this conversation. Willing to entertain all of the thoughts he had spent 2 decades trying to hold back.

"After the night we spent together" Olivia leaned back, closing her eyes as her head rested against the couch.

"I used to think about it" Fitz admitted, "I thought about it a lot, but I mean...you didn't want it"

"What do you mean I didn't want it?" Olivia's head shot up from the couch.

"You practically threw me at Mellie" Fitz challenged her, "And I loved Mellie with everything I had, but Liv, you wanted Mellie and I together"

"I wanted you two together?!" Olivia glared at him, "I wanted you to notice me, maybe when I waltzed over to you that night, I wanted you to flirt with me, to pay attention to me!" she drunkenly spat at him, "You barely seemed to see me"

"I saw you Olivia" Fitz told her, "Don't try to throw it in my face that you practically threw Mellie at me"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore" Olivia pouted slightly, "Birthday wish, no more discussion. This conversation never took place"

"Liv" he sighed, knowing that she was so drunk that she probably wouldn't remember a single word of this conversation in the morning, unfortunately, he knew he would remember every word. Just like he remembered every moment of the night they had shared together. Fitz never regretted marrying Mellie, or being with Mellie, but he had always thought that maybe there was something special between him and Olivia, maybe they would have been good as more than friends. He knew he was attracted to her, that much was obvious, but he had no idea how he could deal with his feelings for her, feelings he had managed to supress for 20 years.

"Please?" Olivia asked him quietly.

"Of course" Fitz agreed, "But we need to go to bed"

"No"

"Livvy" Fitz successfully pulled her off the couch and into his arms, "Am I going to need to carry you?" he asked as she slumped in his arms, a mixture of exhausted, drunk, and sad.

"Yes please" Olivia giggled against his chest.

"Alright" Fitz laughed as he quickly lifted her over his shoulder, "I feel like we've done this before Livvy"

"I was in college" Olivia laughed as Fitz carried her up the stairs.

"I believe it also happened after Mellie's bachelorette party" Fitz laughed, referring to how they had gone on a group trip to Vegas just before the wedding, and Mellie and Olivia had gotten so drunk that they could barely stand, and so when hotel security had called and requested that someone come pick the girls up.

"Shut up" Olivia slurred as he more or less tossed her on the bed, "I'll get you a bottle of water, and a vitamin C"

"Thank you" she laughed as she grabbed a pillow and curled up next to it.

By the time Fitz returned, Olivia had managed to get herself out of her dress and had instead put on an oversized Navy t-shirt as she curled up underneath the blankets.

"Livvy" Fitz sighed as he sat down on the bed next to her. Fortunately he had spent enough time over the years with her that being in bed together wasn't particularly uncomfortable for either of them.

"Come to bed" she told him with a sigh.

"Drink some water first" he suggested, handing her the bottle of water and vitamin C.

"I don't want to be alone" she whispered as she took a long swig of water.

"I know" Fitz sighed, kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket, dress shirt and belt, "Come here sweetheart" he pulled Olivia close to his chest, "Happy birthday"

"Thank you" Olivia sighed.

"Did you make a birthday wish?" he asked her.

"Yes"

"What was it?" Fitz smiled as he rubbed circles on her back.

"If I tell you, it won't come true" Olivia slurred.

"Well I hope it comes true" Fitz told her, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

xxxx

When Olivia woke, for the first time in many years of hosting her birthday party, she did not have a hangover. She also noticed that there was a pair of strong, warm arms around her. Instinctively she felt herself cuddling up against the body beside her as she kept her eyes closed, trying not to ruin the moment.

"Livvy" he murmured, she could feel his hot breath against her neck.

"Shhh" Olivia sighed, "I just want to feel normal for a few more minutes"

"Hal ordered the Chinese"

"How did you know where to order it from?" Olivia asked him, he could tell she was probably pouting just by the sound of her voice.

"The menu in the menu drawer" Fitz laughed, "I looked for it last night"

Olivia rolled over so that she was facing him, even though it was weird, not waking up with Jake on her birthday, she felt safe.

"Do you...what are you going to do?" Olivia asked him sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" Fitz moved a stray hair out of her eyes.

"I mean...you're a man, you have needs" Olivia felt herself blushing, "You are also the president, so it's not like you can just date, or hire an escort"

"An escort?" Fitz laughed, "Olivia Pope are you asking me about my sex life?"

"I'm just...we are adults, we have...I don't know, I don't know how I will ever start dating after Jake. I just..."

"Livvy" Fitz smiled, "You don't have to start dating right away" he told her, "You get to ease back into it, slowly, eventually it hurts less, and once it hurts less, you'll be okay, but you don't need to start right away" he sat up, untangling himself from her body as he stood up, "And as for my needs" he laughed, "Don't worry"

"No hookers, Grant" Olivia warned him, not completely sure what direction she had been trying to take the conversation.

"I promise, no hookers"

"A guy asked me out last night" Olivia told him.

"Asked you out?" Fitz looked at her, slightly surprised that someone had the chance to talk to her when he wasn't around. Olivia nodded self consciously as she sat up from the bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. "As in a date?"

"I think so" Olivia told him as she tried to get her hair into a controllable ponytail.

"Who?"

"This guy" Olivia told him, "Edison, we used to work together"

"Does he know your husband just died?" Fitz asked her harshly, "Seems kind of...forward if you ask me"

"It was" Olivia admitted, "But I can't just sit around alone" she told him.

"And this guy...Edison, he's your only option?" Fitz found himself asking her jealously, "I mean he didn't seem that great, and you've never even talked about him"

"So because I haven't told you about someone it means they somehow aren't worthy?"

"No" Fitz challenged her, "That is not what I said, but Liv, your husband just died, do you really want to jump into it with some random guy from work?"

"Who should I jump into it with Fitz? Who is good enough? Who in your books can replace my husband?" she challenged him.

"I'm not saying that I get to choose who you end up with" Fitz told her, "But come on Liv, this guy...is he better than Jake? Does he make your heart pound in your chest, or does he make you laugh?"

"I don't know how to find anyone better than Jake" Olivia admitted, "How do I find someone who is a better man than Jake?"

"I have something for you" Fitz told her, "And it is going to hurt for you to get it, but I have to give it to you because Jake asked me to"

"Jake asked you to?" Olivia repeated as Fitz handed her the tablet that Jake had left in his bedside table drawer. "What are you doing?"

"Before he left, Jake made something for you. He said if anything happened to him, I had to wait until the right moment, and then give it to you, I don't know what it is, or what it says, but he says its there, and that I need to let you have it"

"Fitz" Olivia looked at him with fear in her eyes, "I can't take seeing him again, I can't take losing him again"

"If he left this for you, for after he was gone, then he had a plan" Fitz told her, "He wouldn't have wanted you to hurt, he would have given you this gift to try to help you"

"I don't want to hurt" Olivia repeated, trying to turn on the Ipad.

"I'm going to wait downstairs, start plating the Chinese, and getting the gifts ready to open"

"Ok" Olivia nodded, sitting back down on the bed as she selected the icon on the tablet that was labelled for her.

His face immediately popped onto the screen and it was the worst thing she had ever seen. He was smiling, it was like he was smiling directly at her.

"Hey Livvy, I guess, if you're seeing his, Fitz gave it to you. He's the only one who knew about this, and I suppose I owe you an apology, because if you are watching this, then chances are I am dead" he paused for a moment, his eyes were becoming glassy with tears that would likely fall, "I'm sorry Olivia, I really hope you never have to see this but in case you do, there are a few things I want you to know. First of all, make sure that you spend the rest of your life being happy. You can spend a little while being sad, but for you, and for our daughter, you need to be happy. You need to know that I lived an amazing life, full of love, and happiness and I couldn't ever ask for anything more. You were the most amazing wife I could have ever asked for. You were honest and faithful and you pushed me to be the best person that I could be, I can only hope that I did the same for you"

Jake took a moment to pause, she could see that he was playing with his platinum wedding band as he tried to keep his voice from quivering, "Olivia Pope, I want you to move on, and to be happy, and you should also know" he began to laugh quietly, "I knew about you and Fitz, and even though it was a million years ago, and I know you were happy with me, maybe that is something you should explore, if you want to. Don't think I'm suggesting it, or pimping you out to him or anything else like that, but Liv, I want you to be happy, and I want him to be happy, so don't think by some misguided sense of loyalty you can't be with him. You should also know that he doesn't know that I know" he paused for a moment, Olivia continued watching, in shock. She couldn't believe that after all of these years, he had known. How could he have possibly known?

"So I know you well enough to know that you are wondering how on earth I knew about you and Fitz, the truth is, no one told me, but when Fitz came home after the night you spent together in college and told me about this amazing woman he had met, and then when I met you later, I knew it had been you. You were, and you are, so captivating, and amazing, and kind. Olivia, I'm sorry that I ever had to make this video, and I'm sorry that you are watching it, but thank you for giving me the most amazing life, and the most amazing daughter. I'll love you forever, but I hope that by watching this, you know that I am letting you go, I want you to be happy Livvy. I love you" he had tears streaming down his cheeks by this point in the video and as the screen went black Olivia also had tears streaming down her cheeks.

**A/N 2: So, we have progress, we have Jake letting Olivia go, even if he is gone, he is encouraging her to be happy. Will she follow his advice and be happy with Fitz? As for how he knew, I think that when you are in a relationship, and especially if you've ever been in an incestuous group of friends, even when things are never spoken, you know when things have gone on. It doesn't mean you aren't happy with where you ended up, or who you ended up with, it just means that you know, and in this case, I think that is what it is with Jake. He knew Olivia loved him, and he knew that Fitz loved Mellie, but he also knew that Olivia and Fitz had something. I wanted to have this chapter up earlier today, and originally I basically had Olivia throw herself at Fitz, but that is not our Olivia, Olivia is stronger than that, so I re-wrote the chapter! As for Edison, don't worry, he is a fleeting byline, barely makes a blip in the story! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - I apologize for the delay, unfortunately my life has not quite gone as planned this last week, between fights with friends, and wedding plans, and work, and generally being sick, the week has sucked! Anyway, please, enjoy, we have quite the wrench thrown in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal **

**Chapter 6- Just One Minute**

_"I...do you...would you like to..." Jake fumbled over his words as they stood awkwardly watching their respective best friends laugh at the bar. "_

_"Yes" Olivia answered with a smile, not even giving him the chance to finish the sentence._

_"Yes?" Jake repeated._

_"I would love for you to take me out for dinner," Olivia continued, "That is what you were going to ask, right?"_

_"Yes", Jake laughed, "I just...you're beautiful, and I don't usually ask such beautiful women out"_

_"Well, thank you, for the compliment, and dinner would be great. But I have a rule" Olivia explained._

_"A rule?" Jake repeated cautiously._

_"No pasta," Olivia continued, "I don't go on dates to places where the entire meal would have cost three dollars"_

_"That should be something I can do"_

_"And don't wear jeans," Olivia smiled as she took a sip of her drink, "Impress me" she challenged him._

_"I promise you," Jake smiled, "I will make it a date you will remember"_

"Did you tell him?" Olivia asked after she had managed to stop crying, leave the bedroom to head down to the kitchen.

"Did I tell him about what?" Fitz looked at her as he poured a cup of coffee.

"Did you tell him that we slept together?" Olivia repeated, "Did you tell my husband that you and I had sex?"

"Where is this coming from, Olivia?" Fitz asked her as he opened a takeout box and pushed a plate towards her at the kitchen island.

"Just answer the damn question _Fitzgerald," _she took a seat and immediately began eating the chicken fried rice in front of her.

"No," Fitz told her, "I never told my best friend that I had slept with his girlfriend just before he started dating you. Just like whenever he asked about the night that I mysteriously vanished when I was supposed to meet up with him, the night that you and I met, I never told him a thing about you"

"Then why did my dead husband just tell me in a video he recorded that he knew"

"Liv," Fitz looked at her with confusion, "Jake did not know"

"He knew," Olivia repeated, "He just told me that he knew, he never doubted me, but he always knew that I was yours first"

"It was one night, Livvy," Fitz told her, "Then everything changed"

"One night," Olivia repeated, thinking back on how their lives had unfolded, "But he knew"

_"Are you alright?" Fitz asked her as he adjusted his jacket underneath them on the grass, they were using it as a pillow._

_Olivia nodded as she gently rested her head on his chest. His top three buttons were undone and he had a satisfied grin on his face. "Why do you want to be a lawyer?" _

_"Pardon?" Fitz looked at her, brushing the loose hairs away from her face, no one had ever asked him why he wanted to be a lawyer, they just took what he said and agreed to it._

_"Why do you want to be a lawyer? Do you want to save the world? Do you want to make lots of money?" Olivia pressed the question further._

_"I already have lots of money", Fitz smirked, "I want to be President" _

_"You want to be President, so that's why you're becoming a lawyer?" Olivia asked, only to receive a nod from Fitz. "I think you would make a great President" _

_"Oh really?" Fitz asked, propping himself up on his elbows, which caused Olivia to look up at him._

_"Uh huh", Olivia nodded before pressing her lips against his in what was meant to be a gentle kiss. Much like their tryst however, there was nothing particularly gentle about it as Fitz pulled her onto his lap and pushed his tongue against her lips in order to gain entry to her mouth._

"He knew because we had chemistry Liv," Fitz told her, "He could see that there was spark, Cyrus could see that there was spark, but he also knew you loved him, so spark or no spark, you and Jake were meant to be"

"He let me go," Olivia sighed, "He didn't want me to wait around for him, he wanted me to live a life after him, for me, and for Lyn"

"Do you want to open presents?" Fitz asked, he couldn't stand the thought that Jake had known about them. It made him somehow feel like a horrible friend, like the kind of man who didn't love his wife, or his family.

"I think so," Olivia agreed, relishing in the idea that this conversation could be over.

"What first?" Fitz asked, glancing at the array of gifts. He could tell by the bags that they were all expensive.

"Well, I see Hermes. So I am thinking first off, that it is from either you or Cyrus, or maybe Stephen, so why don't we start with Hermes?" Olivia grinned.

"In the spirit of honest, I should probably tell you that I had Sophie pick this out," Fitz told her, referring to his assistant.

"I don't care about the spirit of honesty," Olivia laughed, tearing the wrapping open.

"If you don't like it, we can return it," Fitz told her as she pulled the camel coloured Birkin bag out of the box.

"You're kidding me, right?" Olivia laughed as she launched towards Fitz to hug him.

"So you like it?"

"Like it? I love it. Thank you, this is truly amazing," Olivia smiled as she clutched the bag to her body. She loved it, she had dreamed of buying one for years but at the end of the day she never had because of how expensive they were. Mellie had probably owned a half dozen that Olivia would borrow, but now those would be Karen's purses.

"How about a hug?" Fitz smiled.

"Of course," Olivia agreed, standing and tentatively giving him a warm hug. It was nice that he was around, otherwise she truly would have been alone on her birthday, all of the traditions she had ever had as an adult surrounding her birthday would be gone now that Mellie and Jake were both gone.

xxxx

It had been two weeks since Olivia had watched the video Jake had left for her. She still couldn't really fathom the thought that for all those years he had known exactly what went on with them but he had never said a word. Olivia had spent the weeks after her birthday purging Jake's things from their house. Trying to get rid of all of his clothing and the things that he would never use again. She kept his toothbrush and shaving kit exactly where he had left them. Despite hanging on to some items, she had gotten rid of most of his clothes, keeping only his favourites, or the things that she had loved seeing him in the most. She had kept his favourite pair of jeans, the ones he would wear when they were just spending an evening in, or when they went to the grocery store. Olivia had learned to cherish the memories when they weren't out, when they weren't being a high power couple, and when they were just being a family, those were the moments that mattered most.

"Hey!" Olivia smiled as she saw Huck walk into the walk in closet which had become a great deal more empty, "Want to help?"

"What can I do?" Huck gave her a half shrug.

"Well these," Olivia pointed to the suits that were all hanging up, "Go to charity. There is an organization at the White House that gives suits and interview or job attire to people who need help, so I figure Armani isn't doing me any good in the closet, it might help people"

"I can have them picked up," Huck assured her as he grabbed the suits from their spot on the rack and began to head down to the garage where they were storing everything in the donate pile.

"Hey Huck?" Olivia called as she followed him down the stairs with a pile of other clothes.

"Yes?"

"I have a date, do you...do you come with me on dates?" Olivia asked him cautiously.

"I would, yes," Huck nodded.

"Oh...well, could we keep this a secret? I mean you sit a few tables away, or do your thing, but this stays between us? Things have been a little bit off between Fitz and I lately," Olivia explained, things had been somewhat awkward since the party, mainly on Olivia's side, Fitz didn't seem to know what was wrong, which is why he had been calling her daily, and she would respond only once every few days. Now that the secret was out, Olivia wasn't completely sure how to handle it.

"Where is the date?"

"A restaurant," Olivia answered cautiously.

"Olivia, you need to tell me where the date is and you need to tell me who the date is because I need to run checks on this person. When the First Lady died and you started spending a great deal of time with her children, it became necessary to watch what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. This is the cost of that relationship," Huck told her simply, the tone of his voice almost made it seem as though she was asking a question, or giving him an option, but Olivia had come to know him better than that.

"His name is Alexander Grayson," Olivia sighed, defeated.

"The lawyer?" Finn asked her, getting a nod in response, "He works with Harrison, right?"

"Yes," Olivia responded quickly, she hated feeling as though her life, and her choices were up for discussion, but if she was going to help Fitz with Teddy and the kids, this was what her life would be.

"He doesn't really seem like your type," Huck told her honestly. Their relationship had become much more friendly over the weeks they had spent together, Huck was a constant companion, a confidante, Olivia trusted him.

"How does he not seem like my type? More importantly, what do you think my type is?" Olivia tried to pretend she was insulted, but the truth was, she knew he was right, but she just needed something to feel normal, and going on a date would help her to feel just a little bit normal.

"Jake was strong," Huck explained, "This guy...Alexander, he hides behind a suit and a fancy car. He isn't strong, he isn't good enough for you," he told her honestly.

It surprised them both when the doorbell rang, "You aren't expecting anyone, are you?" Huck asked her as he looked at the door.

"No," Olivia shook her head as she began to walk towards it.

"Liv you can't-" he began to protest before she opened the door.

"Kar?" Olivia was surprised to see the teenager standing at her door, "Honey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Karen told her, Olivia could see the Secret Service detail behind her.

"Come in," Olivia suggested, "All of you I guess" she stepped aside to let everyone in, "Karen you know Huck, he is my detail. We are just getting rid of some of Uncle Jake's things"

"That must be hard," Karen sighed, taking a seat on the couch and waiting for Olivia to follow her.

"Can we have some privacy please?" Olivia smiled as she took a seat, waiting until all of the security had disappeared from their line of sight. "What's up Karen?"

"Dad asked me to come by. He said you haven't been returning his calls?" Karen began, "And he assumes that you aren't returning his calls because you are mad at me for how I treated you when we went shopping"

"I'm not mad at you, Karen," Olivia smiled, "You're a kid, you have mood swings, you get upset. Your Mom died, and here I am trying to help, and I understand that it is probably really hard, and you lashed out. It is fine"

"It's not fine, Mom and Dad did not raise us to act like that, which you know as well as anyone. I shouldn't have been so rude. Will you please come back?"

"Honey," Olivia wrapped Karen in a hug, "I love you, and I have been around since the day you were born, and I can assure you that I am not mad at you, don't worry about anything, and tell your Dad that I will come see him this week, ok?"

"You're sure you're not mad?" Karen mumbled as she hugged her tightly.

"I am positive"

_"Liv, she said she hated me!" Mellie sighed into the phone from the campaign trail, they were somewhere on the road between Boca Raton and the next stop in Orlando, Florida, and Karen had just stormed around the bus in a huff explaining how her parents were ruining her life._

_"She doesn't hate you, Mel," Olivia laughed as she stirred the pasta sauce she was cooking. "She is a kid, she is acting out, but that is a phase"_

_"How is your princess Lynsey doing? She probably isn't accusing you of being the worst human being alive"_

_"Karen said the words 'worst human being alive'?" Olivia laughed._

_"Well no, I guess she didn't, but it was implied!" Mellie let out a long sigh._

_"Mel, relax, in a few years you will be living in the White House, and your kids will be happy, and love their lives and everything will be great. Just exhale Mellie, it is all going to be okay", Olivia told her calmly._

_"You always know what to say Liv," Mellie smiled as she watched Gerry play on his computer. "Thank you"_

_"I love you Mel, give the kids my love and Fitz too"_

_"Thanks Livvy, tell Jake the same and Lynsey"_

"Well, I should go," Karen stood up, bringing Olivia out of her thoughts.

"Of course" Olivia stood beside her and gave her another quick hug.

"But we're okay?" Karen looked tentatively towards Olivia.

"Karen, we are fine, everything is fine. Don't worry about grown up problems," Olivia smiled, "Something you need to understand about grownups is that sometimes things get messy, and complicated, but that doesn't mean that we don't love you. I love you regardless of any mean thing you could say, and regardless of if your Dad and I are mad at each other, which we aren't. The point is, from the day you were born I have loved you, and I promised your Mom that I would love you and take care of you, so that is never going to change"

"So you'll be over?" Karen asked as her security detail emerged from the kitchen.

"You'll be ready to get rid of me soon," Olivia assured her.

xxxx

"You went on a date," Fitz looked Olivia up and down as she walked into his office.

"Huck told you?" Olivia laughed as she walked in with her red Herve Leger bandage dress and sky high Louboutin heels.

"Of course he told me," Fitz laughed, "Did you really think you could hide it from me for that long?"

"Well I was hoping for a little bit of normalcy," Olivia shrugged as she took a seat.

"So tell me about the date then?"

"He was nice," Olivia told him as she took a seat on the couch and pulled her shoes off, "Alexander is his name"

"Alexander," Fitz repeated as he stood up from his desk and walked towards the couch.

"Alex, is what he told me to call him," she laughed as Fitz sat beside her, "Anyway, we went to this cute place downtown, and had pasta"

"Pasta?" Fitz chuckled, "You hate going out for pasta"

"I do not hate going out for pasta," Olivia defended herself with a laugh, resting her head gently against Fitz's shoulder.

"You do too. I remember you used to tell Jake that it wasn't a date if it was something that cost three dollars to cook at home," Fitz recalled.

"You might be right," Olivia continued to laugh, "Anyway, it was nice, it was relaxing, we had a nice time, he was a gentleman"

"Livvy," Fitz whispered in her ear, his voice sounded husky as she felt the hair on her neck stand up, "You don't like a gentleman"

"Fitzgerald," Olivia laughed, "Anyway, we had dinner, it was nice, maybe we'll go out again, but for now, I am spent" she told him as she put her heels back on and stood up, "You need to get out of this office soon" she warned.

"I shouldn't be up much longer," he stood up to walk her to the door, putting his hand on the small of her back.

"I'm going to take Teddy to the zoo tomorrow," Olivia told him as they stood, Fitz hovering about 12 inches away from her.

"That will be fun," Fitz told her, "For both of you"

"Are you okay with it?" Olivia took a small step backwards, putting more space between them.

"Am I okay with you taking Teddy to the zoo?" Fitz nodded with a grin playing over his lips.

"No, with me dating, are you okay, with me dating this guy? I mean, we're kind of the only family each other has left. So if it isn't..." Olivia began to fumble over her words in a way she only did when she was nervous.

"I want you to be happy, Liv," Fitz told her honestly.

"Happy?" Olivia repeated with a half smile before taking a step towards him, "Just...don't say anything, for one minute"

"One minute," Fitz repeated before Olivia's lips came crashing down on his. She took advantage of the fact that her high heels put them practically at the same level as her right hand found the nape of his neck and her left hand kept her steady against his shoulder. She stepped tentatively towards his body as his hands found the small of her back. As Olivia intensified the kiss she found their bodies stumbling back towards the wall, it was the crash of their bodies against the built in book case that brought them out of their moment. "Liv" Fitz pulled away, keeping his hands where they were in an effort to keep their bodies connected.

"I can't ... I" Olivia began to stumble over words to apologize for the choice she had just made.

"One minute," Fitz repeated as he kissed her again, this time the kiss was less full of passion and more tender as he continued to kiss her. His lips eventually trailed to her neck and collarbone, "Livvy" he cooed as he paused for a moment to hold her body against his.

"I-" Olivia began again before his lips pressed against hers once more.

"Twenty," Fitz kissed her neck, "Five" he moved his lips to her shoulder where he slid the red strap of her dress out of his way, "Years" he continued as his need for her remained pressed against her thigh. "I have been waiting 25 years Olivia"

"Y-you're all that I have left," Olivia leaned her head back against the bookshelf, allowing him more access to her neck as her fingers found their way through his hair.

"So have me," Fitz told her as he took a moment to allow their eyes to meet. Olivia cautiously loosened his tie, much like she had many times when they had been married to other people, while they had been best friends. She made quick work of the buttons on his shirt while their lips fused together once more.

Olivia wasn't sure what she was doing when her hands found his belt and his fingers made quick word of her panties all the while pulling up the skirt of her tight fitting dress. As her lifted her into the air, pushing her back once more into the bookshelf they were leaning against, he quickly carried her to his desk, which was empty, save for a stack of papers which despite being of national importance, seemed so inconsequential as he shoved them off of the desk, all while keeping his lips pressed against hers.

xxx

"I...we..." Olivia searched the office for her panties which had been discarded hours before. It was nearly 3 in the morning, an hour which was unheard of to her since becoming a mother. "We just..."

"Liv," Fitz gave her a weak smile as he buttoned his shirt, "Take a breath"

"I...I had sex, with my husbands best friend," Olivia practically collapsed onto the couch and cradled her head in her hands. "He gave me permission, he let me go, he said to be with you, and I did it"

"I'm sorry, what?" Fitz looked at her as he took a seat beside her, putting his hand on her back, rubbing calming circles that were incredibly different than the finger prints that he knew were bruising slightly on her lower back from where he had been gripping her hips just a half hour earlier.

"Jake...his video," Olivia let out a long, exasperated breath as she turned her head to look at him, all while keeping it in her hands, "He said to be with you, he thought we would work, that if we were both left with no one, just our kids, that we could work"

"Liv," Fitz sighed.

"He knew me so well that even after he was dead, he knew where I would go, and he knew that I needed to be safe"

"You're safe," Fitz assured her, "You will always be safe with me"

"This was wrong," Olivia told him as she sat up.

"Livvy it wasn't wrong...things are different now. We are different now, our lives are different," Fitz told her as they both heard the door open behind them.

"Mr. President," Cyrus walked into the office, "Olivia, hi?" he looked at her quizzically.

"Cyrus," Olivia stood up, thankful for the fact that she had managed to put all of her clothing back on. "I just...I had a bad date, and I came to talk it out with Fitz" she lied.

"No more lawyers," Fitz stood up and smiled, "What's up Cy?"

"We have a situation, sir" Cyrus told him, clutching a file folder to his chest.

"I will talk to you later," Olivia smiled awkwardly at the men as she let herself out of the room, leaving the two men to talk.

"What is it Cy?" Fitz stood up and poured himself a drink.

"Did I interrupt something there?" Cyrus nodded to the door.

"No," Fitz assured him, "We were just...catching up, I haven't really seen her much lately with work and the kids. You didn't come to see me in the wee hours of the morning to talk about my friendship with Olivia" he carefully chose the word friendship as not to cause any alarm.

"You're right," Cyrus agreed, "Here," he handed him a file, "Read it"

"Cyrus," Fitz began flipping through the highly classified pages, "Tell me this isn't possible, this is not possible"

"Sir, it appears...it appears that we have made mistakes"

"Mistakes?" Fitz boomed, "Cyrus these are peoples LIVES, we can't make mistakes with peoples lives!"

"Mr. President," Cyrus continued, "We have sent teams in, to confirm the validity of this information, but we need to...we need a plan, if this is true, we need a plan to deal with this"

"A plan?" Fitz repeated, "You wanted to have a little brainstorming session to talk about this? We told families these people were DEAD! We had funerals! Olivia! We told Olivia Jake DIED and now you are standing in front of me with a folder telling me that oops, we may have fucked it all up!?"

"It is incredibly unlikely," Cyrus tried to keep his voice calm in the face of the anger in front of him, "This could be nothing"

"Bullshit!" Fitz shouted, "If this was nothing, if this was a slight possibility it wouldn't be happening right now. We wouldn't be having this talk. You need to fix this, you need to get me an answer!"

"Mr President, I don't know what to tell you, we are looking into it, we are going to confirm the information," Cyrus continued.

"Great," Fitz nodded, "You confirm whether or not HUNDREDS of American soldiers are in fact dead," he began pacing, "And in the meantime, not a word, I do not want Olivia hearing a word of this, it would kill her, it would absolutely kill her"

xxxx

"Stephen!" Olivia shouted as she burst into her friends house at 5 in the morning.

"Liv?" Stephen padded into the foyer from the kitchen where he was preparing for his morning run, "What the hell are you doing here? Is everything okay? Abby is out of town, you know that, right?"

"I need...I...I can't believe what I just did," Olivia stared at him, "I just...is it too early for wine? Or too late? Can I have wine?"

"No," Stephen told her, quickly handing her a large cup of coffee, "Sit down, talk to me, what is going on?"

"You can't judge me for what I'm about to tell you," Olivia began, Stephen nodded as if to assure her that he would keep it between them, "No, I need you to say it, I need you to promise, this stays between us. We have been friends for a long time, I need you to still be my friend after I tell you this"

"Olivia, did you kill someone?" Stephen gave her a half smile and a gentle pat on the shoulder, "I promise you, nothing you say is going to get rid of me, so tell me what it is, and I can fix it"

"I slept with Fitz,"

"I'm sorry," Stephen shook his head, "I thought I just heard you say you slept with Fitzgerald Grant, the President of the United States, one of your oldest friends?"

"I did" Olivia looked at him sheepishly.

"Liv," Stephen took a seat at the island, "What the hell?"

"I went out last night, with that guy, Alex from Harrison's office," Olivia explained, "And I had told Karen I would go to the White House because I haven't been around as much lately, we were talking and I don't know, isn't it normal...to want to sleep with someone you've known for that long? You hadn't ever thought about sleeping with Mellie? Or another one of Abby's friends?" she tried to explain her decision.

"Livvy, this isn't about wanting to sleep with someone. This is about who you slept with," Stephen took a sip of coffee, "Olivia, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Stephen," Olivia tried to assure him, "I just...for one night, is it so wrong that I wanted to feel loved? To feel safe? My husband is gone, his wife is gone, is there really something wrong with this?"

"Of course not," Stephen smiled, trying to make her feel better about the situation, he knew that she was worried about his reaction, but he could also see that she felt safe, "Livvy, Fitz would never hurt you, we all know that, so as long as you feel safe"

"You can't tell anyone," Olivia gave him a pleading look, "Not even Abby"

"I won't tell a soul," Stephen promised her, "I'm here if you need me"

"Thank you," Olivia raised her coffee mug to him, "I don't know what I would do without you, and without Abby"

"You'll never need to know," Stephen assured her with his usual charming smile.

xxx

"Do you have any information?" Fitz ran his hands through his hair as Cyrus entered the oval.

"I do," Cyrus nodded, handing him an envelope, "There were mistakes, about 200"

"200? We told 200 people that their loved ones were dead, and we aren't sure?"

"We still don't know how many are alive, but at least...at least 200 were not dead at the time when they were buried," Cyrus explained, "And we haven't been through all of hte information yet"

"Jesus Cy," Fitz groaned, "What is the plan? What are we going to do?"

"We are sending members of the staff to the families, they will notify them, some people will be brought home, others...others are still dead Mr. President, even though they weren't when we thought, they have been confirmed killed in action"

"Jake?"

"We don't know sir, based on all of the information we have at this time, Jake Ballard was killed in action, we have no reason to believe that he is alive," Cyrus told him.

Fitz felt relief, if only because he didn't want to have to tell Olivia any of this, especially given what had happened between them, "This does not get back to Liv," Fitz glared at him knowingly before he stood up, "I need to sleep, I'll call you later"

xxxx

"Are you going to do it again?" Stephen asked as he peaked his eyes up from over the top of the newspaper.

"Do what again?" Olivia played dumb as she read the health section, "I do think I am going to start looking for a new job, or maybe my old job, but I need a job"

"Fitz," Stephen stated cleanly, "Are you going to _do _Fitz again?"

"Stephen," Olivia rolled her eyes, "I don't want to talk about this"

"Liv, you came here, to talk to me about it," Stephen told her, "And you need a plan. Did you just have a one night stand with him, or are you interested in him?"

"I have Lynsey to consider, and Gerry, Karen and Teddy, I can't make a decision about what I want," Olivia let out a long exasperated sigh.

"If you could," Stephen challenged her, "If you could make a choice that was all about you, and Fitz, would you?"

"We have chemistry," Olivia admitted, "Fitz and I have this chemistry, and I don't know, we're single, why not? Why don't we get a chance?"

"You need to talk to him about it," Stephen glanced at his watch, "And I need to go to work, and you need to go pick up Teddy"

xxxx

"He's in the residence," Cyrus explained as Olivia stood outside of the door to the oval, "If you need him, I mean"

"Oh," Olivia nodded, her hand clutching her chest as his voice surprised her for some reason. "Thank's, I'll go," she smiled as she turned and quickly walked towards the residence. As she looked through the various different rooms that she would normally find him in, she knocked gently on the door to his bedroom before opening the door, "Hey," she smiled as she saw him staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Hey yourself," Fitz smiled as he lifted his head ever so slightly so that he could see her, "You alright?"

"I am," Olivia smiled as she walked towards him, "I just wanted to let you know that I am taking Teddy to the zoo. If that's still alright with you"

"Liv, do we need to talk?" Fitz asked her, obviously referring to their tryst.

"Fitz it happened, obviously it wasn't planned, it just...it happened," Olivia shrugged, giving him a half smile as she did so, "This doesn't have to change things between us"

She could see Fitz's expression change from one of excitement to slight disappointment as she spoke, "What if I want things to change Liv?" he asked as he stood up off of the bed and walked towards her, "What if I want to give us a try? We're free Liv, we can try, and we won't hurt anyone. Can we please just try?"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- So to begin I owe everyone an apology. I have been super sick, and stressed and a whole whack load of other things that does not excuse my poor updating! I thank all of you who sent me PM's encouraging me, and those of you who reviewed and encouraged me further. We have a little bit of progress today, moving forward. I will try to have another update up later this week. **

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal**

**Chapter 7 - We Can't Think About Us**

"Fitz, we don't get to make choices about us," Olivia told him as she swallowed the lump appearing in her throat.

"God, Olivia," Fitz sighed, he was obviously frustrated, "Why is it that I am supposedly the leader of the free world, but I can't date who I want, I can't do what I wan't, I have no power over myself, but I run the world?"

"This is about our kids, Fitz," Olivia continued, "They have been through enough heartbreak, enough torment in the last few months to last them a lifetime"

"So what if this is good?" Fitz countered, "What if we make each other happy, and we can make our kids whole again. We can't make the loss go away, we can't bring back Mellie, or Jake, if we could then sure, I would do that, I would bring them back, but we can't Liv. Don't we deserve to be happy?"

"I'm taking Teddy to the zoo," Olivia shrugged, "I also think a playdate would be good for him, with other kids his age. So I'm going to take him to Abby and Stephen's, and he can play with Christian and Olivia" Olivia told him, referring to Abby and Stephen's 5 year old twins.

"You can't ignore this Liv," Fitz told her as she turned to the door.

"I am doing what is best for everyone," Olivia assured him, "We can talk later"

xxxx

"And you tell Stephen what you saw at the zoo" Olivia smiled as she handed Teddy a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"I saw," Teddy lifted his hands way over his head, "a giant ELEPHANT!" he giggled.

"An elephant?" Stephen played along as they ate dinner, "That is unreal, was it a friendly elephant?"

"Dad," Olivia, Stephen's daughter, and Olivia's namesake rolled her eyes as she looked at her father, "We know that elephants can't talk, so how would we know if it was a friendly elephant?"

"Exactly" Teddy agreed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You kids are just too smart for your own good now aren't you?" Olivia Pope laughed, "Finish this slice and then you can go pick a movie. Dad and I are going to talk in here" Olivia laughed as she watched the kids run out of the room, "That one," she nodded to Olivia, "She is much too much like me, it is far more than a namesake!"

"No kidding," Stephen laughed, "How are you feeling about all of it now?" he asked, referring to the previous evening with Fitz.

"I mean, if Abby, god forbid ever died, would you ever consider sleeping with one of her friends?" Olivia took a sip of wine.

"I don't know," Stephen told her honestly, "I'm not judging you Liv, I am worried about you. Those are two different things. Have you spoken to him?"

"I probably should," Olivia sighed, "Shouldn't I?"

"You go, Teddy can stay here, you need to work this out before you ruin the new normal for those kids," Stephen told her, "And I would suggest you cover up that hickey," he poked at Olivia's neck.

"You're kidding me!?" Olivia began frantically patting at her neck in hopes that Stephen had just been kidding.

"Not even close, you go," Stephen stood up and kissed her on the cheek, "I'll be super man tonight. You just get to be Olivia"

xxxx

Fitz was exhausted by the time he left the Oval that night, all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and go to sleep. He wished his wife was still alive, and he wished that his best friend wasn't dead, and he wished that Olivia hadn't been ignoring him for most of the day. The last update he had received from Secret Service was that she had gone to Stephen and Abby's house. He knew that was good, for everyone, especially Teddy to have some normal relationships, but he still felt alone.

"Of all of the places," Olivia smirked as she let herself into the bedroom, "I did not expect to find you here this early."

"Long day." Fitz shrugged, not wanting to let on to anything that had happened that day, he didn't want her to ask, because he didn't want to have to lie to her.

"Can I sit?" Olivia asked as she walked tentatively towards the edge of the bed, "We should probably talk."

"I," Fitz sat up with a smile on his lips before kissing her bare shoulder, "Do not want to talk to you right now, Livvy." he purred her name into her ear as she felt a smile playing along her lips.

"Fitz," Olivia breathed as she placed her hand gently on his cheek, "Are you sure about this?" she asked him.

"I think we deserve to be happy. Don't you want to be happy?" Fitz asked as his kisses made their way up her neck and to her cheekbone.

Olivia nodded as she brought her lips onto his and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was amazing how quickly she could find herself lost in the moment with him. How one moment could string into an hour where they could just be together. She had never given a relationship between them much thought when she was married to Jake. She had just gotten used to the idea that she and Jake were meant to be, just like Mellie and Fitz were.

"Liv," Fitz breathed as his hand found the small of her back, pulling her shirt up so he could touch her warm skin. "I won't do this, if you want me to stop, just say stop." he told her honestly.

"Don't," Olivia breathed as she nipped at his ear lobe and let her hands find their way to the buttons on his shirt. "I don't want to be alone anymore." she told him quietly.

xxx

"Olivia," Cyrus looked at the woman who had become his friend over the years he had known him, "I'm worried about you."

"You're worried about your President, you are worried about your job." Olivia corrected him sternly as she sat in his office like a child being brought to see the principal.

"Olivia he is one of your oldest friends, he was married to your best friend, you were married to his best friend, your children are friends. Is this really worth it? Is a romp in the sack really worth it?" Cyrus asked her boldly.

"Cyrus, this is not about sex," Olivia told her clearly, "I am not a child, I am not a reporter you can pacify, I don't need you to hold my hand. I am sleeping with a man I have known for a long time. This is not uncommon in any part of life, much less Washington. Fitz and I will be discreet until a time comes when there is a need to address anything or anyone. I am not marrying the guy tomorrow, we are seeing each other. Let's not make a mountain out of a mole hill. We have only been seeing each other for a few weeks. Why don't we just see how this goes?"

"What about the kids?" Cyrus asked, knowing she had a soft spot for the children.

"The kids will be fine." Olivia assured him, "The kids will always have me, and they will always have Fitz. We do not need to worry about the kids, but nice try." she smiled as she stood up.

"He's in the Oval." Cyrus told her as he let out a long, defeated sigh. He knew this was a battle he was not going to win.

"I won't hurt him Cy, I promise, you can count on me." she told him as she turned and headed towards Fitz's office. "Is he in?" Olivia asked his secretary.

"He's in a private meeting Ms. Pope," she told her with a smile, "I can tell him you were here if you would like?"

"Will he be long?" Olivia asked, noticing that her responses were slightly more curt than usual.

"I don't know, he has a large piece of time blocked off. I will let him know you came." she told her, essentially dismissing her.

Olivia could tell as she walked through the halls and eventually out of the White House. She needed to go to work, she needed to focus on something else, something that wouldn't leave her feeling empty, and worried.

"He's working," Huck's voice came from behind her as he jogged to keep up. He used to keep a distance when he was following her. But since they had more or less become friends, they normally just walked together, it let them talk. "He isn't ignoring you."

"Sure felt like it," Olivia quickened her pace, "I mean, I just don't get it. He wanted this, he pushed for it Huck, and now I am the one who is left feeling like trash."

"You aren't trash," Huck assured her, "You just need to remember that he is the President first, a father second, and your boyfriend third."

"I was always Jake's number one priority." Olivia stated simply. She tried not to think about Jake, she tried not to let him into her thoughts because it only made her sad. She often found herself wondering what they would be doing if he were still alive. Would Lynsey be home from boarding school? Would everything be perfect like it always was. She felt petty thinking about her boyfriend and wishing he had more time for her, but she couldn't help it. She was a secret as it was, a decision that she and Fitz had made together, they didn't want to hurt each other, or their kids, or his chances at re-election if they were to be together, and then break up in the future.

xxxx

"I need an answer," Fitz glared at his staff, his eyes practically bulging out of his head, "I need to know if Jake Ballard is dead or alive."

"We don't know, sir." the man looked towards the ground, he knew that Fitz would be upset over his lack of ability to give a definitive answer, the same way he had been for weeks, but the answer was that no one knew whether or not Jake was dead or alive.

"When the _hell _will you find out?" Fitz glared.

"As soon as possible, sir." he told him.

"This is your top priority, you are to focus on this, and only this, and you are to tell no one. Do you understand me?"

"Of course," the man nodded.

"You can go," Fitz told him as he put his head in his hands. It was too much, it was too much to imagine that he was sleeping with his best friends wife, while his best friend could be alive. All Fitz wanted to do was know, once and for all whether or not Jake Ballard was in fact dead, he wanted to put all of this to rest, he wanted to move forward, he wanted to move forward with Olivia.

_"Come on man, we're both parents now, what are we supposed to do if we can't bitch about our wives and kids to each other?" Fitz laughed as he sipped a scotch with his oldest friend._

_"I have nothing to complain about," Jake countered as he took a swig of his drink as well, "I have the perfect wife, and the perfect kid, and my best friend is the President of the United States."_

_"Well when you put it that way, you're right, you do live a semi-charmed life." Fitz laughed._

_"So, what was it like...when you and Mel decided to have a second kid? Or hell, even Teddy for that matter?" Jake asked as he relaxed his head over the couch._

_"Why do you ask?" Fitz shot back, surprised that Jake was asking. Olivia and Jake had never given any suggestion that they would have a second child. As far as Fitz could see, they were happy with Lynsey and had no real desire to change the little life they had created. _

_"Well, Liv and I were talking last night, and I mean, there is no reason not to have another kid. We love each other, we are financially secure, we have good jobs, and we make really attractive kids." Jake laughed._

_"Well, it is hard. I mean, we were lucky, our first two were so close together, but there is always the jealousy factor, I mean you need to know how to balance your time. Each kid requires attention and love and support, but your wife will also require the same."_

_"Don't you worry about me keeping Olivia happy." Jake grinned._

_"Well, I say do it. You're right, and you only live once," Fitz gave his nod of approval to his friend, "Mellie would love another baby around, you know how she loves babies."_

_"Well they are adorable," Jake laughed as he finished his drink and stood up, "I should go though. Start making that baby."_

The conversation about having children had occurred over a year before Jake had died. Fitz remembered sitting in that very office laughing, and talking about their futures. If Jake and Olivia had gotten pregnant, she would have just had a baby, and Jake would have never been sent overseas because he would have been at home on paternity leave. If everything had gone the way they had all hoped, Mellie would still be alive, and Jake would be a new father again. Instead of sneaking around in the back halls of the White House, Olivia would probably be running around with Mellie and a baby.

Fitz let out a long sigh as he picked up his phone, "Secure line," he requested quickly before he began dialing the familiar number, "Hello Livvy." he smiled as he heard her voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hello, Mr. President." Olivia smiled into the phone.

"Where are you?" Fitz asked her as he twirled the telephone cord around his finger, trying aimlessly to get his thoughts of Jake out of his mind.

"I'm just headed back to my house after work," Olivia told him, "Probably going to order a pizza and relax. My daughter is at your house for the night." she explained.

"Well, are you up for company? Or have you got a date or something?" Fitz grinned as he spoke huskily into the phone.

"Well, I think my date for the night is my remote control and a bottle of merlot," Olivia told him, "Not that we're exclusive." she challenged him. They hadn't exactly defined the relationship, they had simply jumped into it as they found a way to keep each other happy amidst so much pain.

"Well, Olivia Pope-Ballard," Fitz laughed, "Are you asking me to label us?"

"Olivia Pope." she corrected him, ignoring his comment.

"Livvy, you will always be Pope-Ballard, you know that," he told her, not trying to remind her of Jake, but he would never push her to forget him. "And as for exclusive, I think it would be fair to say that we are as exclusive. At least I am exclusive, I don't want anything else, anyone else."

"I have to order my pizza, Mr. President." Olivia told him softly.

"Goodnight, Livvy."

xxxx

The knock on her door startled her as she set the slice of pizza down on the plate. Her food had just arrived and she had poured herself a glass of wine to enjoy by herself. She had to admit, there was something calming about being alone and giving herself time to think. As she stood up and walked towards the front door, she couldn't help but notice that she hadn't gotten a call, or a text from Huck, letting her know who was at the door in advance.

"Well this is a surprise," Olivia smiled as she opened the door and saw Fitz standing in front of her. He was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a dark blue Burberry polo shirt, "Come in." she stood out of the way to let him into the house, looking to the street to see if anyone seemed to be behind him.

"I just have my detail," Fitz told her, "They are up the street, and Tom is just at the door." he explained.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked as she returned to the kitchen, knowing that he would follow her.

"Well, after you said you were ordering pizza, I couldn't help but think that I haven't had pizza in what seems like forever. And the thought of spending the night in, enjoying pizza, with you," he smiled as he grabbed himself a wine glass and poured a glass for himself, "It was too much to pass up."

"Well, I don't know if I ordered enough for both of us," Olivia laughed as she took a large bite of the pepperoni slice in front of her, "I mean, this is damn good pizza."

"Well I'm sure we can share," Fitz countered as he sat down, "Or I can just stay with you. We can just...be...together?"

"That sounds perfect," Olivia smiled as she pushed the pizza box towards him, "Eat up."

Fitz smiled as he took a slice of pizza and enjoyed the bite. He tried to remember the last time had enjoyed just a simple date night. The decade of his life, if not more, had been spent at State Dinners, parties, fundraisers and events, he hadn't enjoyed many nights in. He could recall just a few where he had stayed in with his wife, or with his kids, but they certainly were few and far between.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Olivia interrupted his thoughts, receiving a nod in response, "Well, maybe it is something you...or we," she smiled, "Should try to do more often?"

"That would be perfect," Fitz smiled, taking a sip of his wine, "Do you think you're going to stay here? Or are you going to sell?"

"I could never sell it," she told him as she stood up and put her plate in the sink, "This is where Jake and I wanted to raise Lynsey, this place is where we were happy, where we were a family. I don't know if I will keep living here, I mean, we'll see where we end up, but I will always keep it, even if its just for Lyns." Olivia explained, "Should we...go watch a show?"

"That would be nice," Fitz finished his slice of pizza before standing up and grabbing his glass of wine, as well as the bottle, "This feels...normal." he lamented.

"I know," Olivia smiled as she sat down on the couch, curling her body up next to Fitz's, "This is nice."

"I agree," Fitz kissed her forehead gently as she flipped on the television, it immediately landed on CNN, "Seriously? I can't get away from foreign policy when I'm at _home, _now you want me to watch it here too?" he joked.

"What would you rather watch?" Olivia smiled as she looked up at him. His grey eyes were focused on her, darker than normal as his smile grew to match hers. She could see a few more grey hairs than he had before, but she couldn't help but notice how attracted she was to him. This man she had known for decades, who had been here friend, was one of the most attractive people she had ever met, "You are so handsome." she whispered shyly.

"Handsome?" Fitz repeated as he put his glass of wine down, "Well, thank you Liv," he smiled as he put one hand on each side of her face, "You are stunning," he told her as he kissed her temple, his kisses trailing down her cheek, "You are smart," he kissed her nose, "and sexy," his kisses found their way to her lips as she struggled to put her wine glass on a flat surface, "and amazing." he told her before kissing her once more with more passion.

"Fitz." Olivia purred as she wrapped her arm around his neck. There was an amazing chemistry she found his hands at the small of her back, struggling to pull her closer.

Fitz smiled against her lips as he began pulling her shirt over her head. It was amazing how they could suddenly fall into this pattern where they were like teenagers who had only just met. They parted just for a moment for Fitz to pull her shirt over her head, it also allowed each of them to catch their breath for a moment before Olivia began making quick work of his polo shirt. "Liv," he murmured as her body made its way on top of his. "Olivia," he sighed as he pushed her gently away, he could feel his cellphone vibrating in his pocket. He had never been so unimpressed with a piece of technology before. He had fought when he got into office to be _allowed _to have a cellphone, and now here it was, basically putting a damper on any plans he could have had for the evening, "I'm sorry." he gave her a sorry look and a quick peck on the lips before he answered his phone, "Yes?" he barked into the phone as Olivia awkwardly stood up and wrapped her shirt back around her body, "I understand...yes...absolutely...thank you," he spoke into the phone, "No, stay in the office, I will be right there...keep him there too please." he hung up the phone and gave Olivia a heavy sigh.

"You have to go." she stated simply.

"I will make it up to you," Fitz assured her as he stood up, kissing her softly, "It's Gerry." he explained.

"Is everything alright?!" Olivia immediately shot into panic mode, concerned that something had happened to one of the children she had vowed to protect.

"He is fine." Fitz promised, "He just...made a bad choice, and I need to go be Dad for a little while."

"Call me later?" Olivia smiled, trying to hide her disappointment as he fixed his shirt.

"I think this might take a while," Fitz told her, giving her a longing kiss, "I will talk to you tomorrow."

Olivia nodded as he made his way to the door, the second the door closed, she found herself feeling alone, and sad. She tried not to think about all of the nights she had spent in that house with Jake, and Lynsey, and now she was trying to make memories with Fitz, but it seemed like at every turn something was in there way.

As Olivia walked into the kitchen, she quickly put the wine glasses in the dishwasher and cleaned up the small mess which had been created when Fitz had been over. As she put the cork back in the bottle, she quickly flipped off the lights and made her way upstairs. Just like every other night, she texted Huck to let him know what she was doing, she knew that by now the evening detail was in place, but she felt safer knowing that Huck was aware of what she was doing. She quickly made her way to her bedroom, not a lot had changed in the months since Jake had left, or the months since he had died. She had cleared out most of his clothing, it had been donated, but his personal effects were just where they had been left. The photo from their wedding, and the photos of them as a family all remained exactly as they had been before. When she found herself looking at the pictures, even if it was just for a moment, she felt like maybe he wasn't gone, like they still had a future, because when she looked at those pictures, she could still see the future they had dreamed of all those years ago.

_"You're sure?" Jake laughed as he looked at the EPT sitting on the counter in the bathroom of the loft they had just finished renovating._

_"I think the stick says it all," Olivia smiled, "And I took blood tests at work."_

_"We're having a baby?" Jake grinned as he practically ran towards her._

_"I am pregnant." Olivia nodded as she laughed and embraced him._

_"This is... I mean, we weren't even trying, and now we have a baby, when are you due? How far along are you? When do we get to know the gender?" Jake began firing questions off at her._

_"Jake," Olivia laughed, "We don't know the gender, I am due in June we think, we have to narrow down the exact dates of when he or she was conceived, but we are going to be parents!"_

_"Thank you," Jake kissed her once more, "This is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me." _

Olivia shook her head at the memory. She remembered the day she had told Jake that she was pregnant like it was yesterday. She remembered the joy and the happiness they had felt when they had decided to move, and buy a house. The house she was standing in at that very moment was the house they had planned to live in forever, and planned to raise their baby in. And now, here she was, almost 15 years later and she was hoping for a way to make a relationship work with someone else, and not just anyone else, the President of the United States, her husbands best friend.

xxxx

"FITZGERALD GRANT!" Fitz boomed as he slammed the door to the Oval behind him, "What in the HELL were you thinking?"

"Dad," Gerry shuffled awkwardly on his feet, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," Fitz repeated, "You are sorry that you got caught, or you are sorry that you were caught smoking pot and drinking?"

"Both." Gerry told him.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Fitz sat down across from his son.

"I just...I never get to do this stuff Dad," Gerry explained, "The kids, they just always said that I would never do things that were fun because you were the President, I was just trying to fit in."

"Pot is how you fit in? You couldn't have just stuck with a beer?" Fitz sighed, "Buddy, what am I supposed to do here? This is not acceptable. Not to mention stupid, drugs are a bad idea Gerry, you know that. Hasn't Aunt Liv taught you that? I know your mother taught you that."

"This isn't about Mom." Gerry protested.

"I know this isn't about your Mom," Fitz sighed, "But Gerry, you know better, you know what smoking and drinking can do, you know that it isn't healthy, this is just about fitting in? You play sports, you're smart, you have my looks and your mothers charm, I know you are popular Ger, this isn't just about fitting in. Start talking."

"There's nothing more to say." Gerry told him defiantly.

"Fine," Fitz conceded, "If you decide to tell me exactly what is going on, and exactly why you decided to do this, let me know. Until then, you are grounded. You will go to school, and back, you will have an extra detail on you at all times. You will not have a cellphone, or a laptop, or television. You can use the library to research for school, and you can write your papers by hand. I will speak to your teachers so that they understand the situation, and you will continue to live like this until you decide to tell me the truth."

"How do you know I am not telling the truth? You really don't trust me? You're the liar!" Gerry shouted, clearly expressing the teenaged angst that Fitz hadn't really experienced, typically Mellie dealt with the kids when they were acting out. But now he had to do it himself.

"I'm lying?" Fitz looked at his son incredulously.

"You're sleeping with Aunt Liv." Gerry told him somewhat quietly.

"Ger," Fitz sighed. He knew that eventually he would have to tell the kids, but he had not planned on doing it yet. "Aunt Liv and I...we didn't mean for this to happen. But that does not excuse you acting out like this."

"What if it doesn't work out?" Gerry countered, he had always been level headed and sensible, he worried too much, and he always had.

"Ger, if it doesn't work out, everything will go back to the way it was. Olivia will always love you, and your brother, and your sister. Liv and I will never hurt you, or your siblings." Fitz tried to explain it in the best way that he could, "We are two adults who are having fun, I think your Mom would want me to have fun, don't you?"

"What about Lynsey?"

"The same goes for Lynsey, I will always be there for Lynsey, just like I promised Uncle Jake that I would be," Fitz explained, "Did you tell your sister about this?" he asked, causing Gerry to shake his head in response, "Alright buddy, you need to go to bed, and not worry about this. But I need you to smarten up. Your punishment still stands until you decide to tell me what is going on at school. Nice try though, trying to convince me that this was related to Liv." he laughed.

"It was worth a try," Gerry admitted with a small laugh, "I guess I really am a politician's son?"

"Through and through." Fitz embraced his son, "I love you Ger."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Tell Me The Truth**

**A/N: Thank you, as always for the kind reviews and support. I'm going to be honest, and hope for some feedback because I am at a loss for what to do here (and I cannot promise that I will listen to that feedback, but I'll try!), I cannot decide if I want Jake to be dead or alive. If I'm being 100% honest, I really think that Jake and Olivia would be great together and it is SO unexplored in this fiction world, and although I love season 1 Fitz, I wasn't too keen on him this season, I think he was a little bit too possessive of Olivia. So I am asking for opinions, and suggestions, and I can't guarantee you will all get what you want (or maybe I'll just write another story after this!), but I appreciate all of the love and support I get with all of my updates! I am going to also warn a couple of things, 1) I haven't been to a Thanksgiving play in years, so I do not know what goes on at them anymore, so please just take the memory I have from 15 years ago, and pretend it is still what happened, and 2) I wanted to mention this last a/n but forgot, part of the reason for the delay with that chapter was also that I had written the entire chapter, and then scrapped it because I had Olivia and Fitz coming out as a couple about 6 months into the future, and decided I didn't like it, and my last comment, I swear, 3)There are a lot of comments about Fitz not telling Olivia that Jake might be alive, so I wanted to pose this question. What would be worse - Fitz not telling her while he wasn't sure, and Jake turning out to be alive, or Fitz telling her he could be alive and Jake being dead. i can't decide because I really cannot imagine anything worse than someone telling me my fiance/husband was alive, after I thought he was dead, and then he turned out dead. Obviously Fitz would say he "could" be alive, but I think that in a situation with that much grief, you would cling onto the words you wanted to hear...that he could be ALIVE. Anyway, I am looking for thoughts on that one! Thanks again, amazing readers and reviewers!**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal, or any of the characters.**

"How did you find out about Liv?" Fitz asked as he walked Gerry to his room.

"I saw her leaving your room a few mornings ago. I was getting ready to go to school while she left. She didn't see me." Gerry explained.

"Well, I promise you that I will figure this out, and I will tell your sister soon," Fitz put his hand on his son's shoulder, "I love you Ger." he told him again.

"I love you too, Dad." Gerry smiled as he walked into his bedroom.

Fitz let out a long sigh as the door clicked shut. This was something he hadn't been expecting, at least not yet, he had hoped that he would have a few more years before he had to deal with his kids drinking and smoking weed. He also knew this would probably come out, the press would grab ahold of the story and run with his rebellious, 'drug addicted' son who was acting out for some outlandish reason or another.

xxx

"I'm sorry I had to go," Fitz sighed into the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Truthfully?" Olivia chuckled, "I was sleeping," she told him as she sat up and leaned against her padded headboard, "Is everything alright?"

"The Secret Service found Gerry smoking pot and drinking," Fitz let out a small laugh, "Which as you can imagine was a surprise to me."

"Smoking pot," Olivia repeated, trying to contain her own laughter, "Well that is simply unacceptable," she continued, thinking back to the nights that the four of them had spent smoking joints and drinking, when they had been in college, and without a care in the world, "I mean what kind of punishment are you going for?" she continued to laugh.

"This is serious Liv," Fitz told her, trying to make his voice sound stern, "This isn't the same as when we were kids. When we were young, my Dad wasn't the President."

"No, you're right, but he was the Governor of California, so we probably shouldn't have been doing it." Olivia fired back quickly.

"I just didn't expect to be dealing with this now, or ever for that matter. I wanted my kids to be perfect, to never try things that were dangerous, and to always have straight A's, never have sex, never drink." Fitz laughed at the ridiculous statement he had just made.

"Maybe you weren't the right man to have as a father if those were your goals," Olivia joked, "I mean, you used to smoke, you drink, you never got straight A's, and you have an unusually high appetite for sex."

"And are you complaining, Olivia?" Fitz smirked.

"Not at all," Olivia assured him, "Everything else alright? You sound stressed."

"Gerry knows about us," Fitz told her, "He saw you leaving my room a few nights ago."

"Fitz, I'm so sorry." Olivia cringed, she knew, for obvious reasons that he hadn't wanted to tell the kids until they had gotten a little bit further along, and decided exactly what they wanted to do in the future.

"It's alright," Fitz assured her, "I told him nothing would ever change, that you would always love him and Teddy and Karen. I mean, they were bound to find out, so I guess there is no time like the present."

"Are you sure? I don't want him to think I'm trying to replace Mellie."

"He knows you aren't," Fitz assured her.

"Kids are funny, Fitz, sometimes we think that we know what they are thinking but in reality, we don't." Olivia told him as she heard the doorbell ring, she quickly glanced at her watch, surprised that someone would be at the door so late at night, "Can I talk to you tomorrow? It must be Huck at the door."

"Are you sure that it's Huck?" Fitz asked her, his concern showing in his voice due to the late nature of the visit.

"It must be," Olivia promised him, "I will see you on Sunday. I'm on call for the next couple of nights. I have to work sometime!" she told him as she hung up the phone and wrapped a housecoat around her body while she walked down the stairs to the front entrance. It was odd that someone would be knocking on her door so late at night, it was even more odd that she hadn't received a text or a phone call from her detail warning her of who was arriving. "Hi," Olivia looked at him with shock as she opened the door.

"Hey," he smiled, staring at the ground, "Bet you weren't expecting to see me?"

xxx

"You have got to be kidding me!?" Cyrus boomed as he slammed the morning newspaper down on Fitz's desk.

**_President Grant's Son: Caught Smoking Marijuana & Getting Drunk on White House Grounds_**

"He's a kid," Fitz told him simply, "He was not on White House grounds and he and I have spoken about it."

"Spoken about it? You've spoken about it? Oh well in _that _case, I'll just drop it because you and your son have _talked _about it." Cyrus told him sarcastically.

"Cy, this is a family matter." Fitz told him sternly.

"With all due respect sir, nothing you do, is a family matter. Nothing your kids do, is a family matter, no part of your life is private, or family oriented, it is for the masses." Cyrus corrected him.

"I'm President, I'm not God," Fitz rolled his eyes but then realized that he may as well hop on board, "Look, we will do an interview, we will talk about it with the public, Gerry will explain how he made a poor decision based on going through a tough time in his life, he will apologize for his poor decisions, and we will move forward. These are my kids Cyrus, not your political pawns, they will mess up, and they need support. You are to stay away from him, do you understand me?"

"Sir-" Cyrus began to defend himself.

"That is it, Cy. I will deal with my children."

xxx

"So," Fitz looked at each of his children, "We will be giving an interview." he told them.

"About what?" Karen looked at her father with confusion.

"Well, your brother decided to test out pot this past week," Fitz looked at his son, "And we are going to, as a family, discuss the consequences of this, and discuss the fact that drugs are not good, obviously. We will discuss the importance of communication, open communication. We are an important family, and we have a platform. There are people in the world with real problems, and although this year has been very hard for all of us, I know losing Mom was nearly impossible, but we need to be responsible and appreciate all of the luxuries we have." he told them sternly.

"I didn't do pot." Karen stated simply.

"I know you didn't." Fitz agreed.

"Then why do I have to be at the interview?" Karen shot back.

"Because it is your brother, and I am your father, and we are a family." Fitz told her firmly, "We have a responsibility to this country, and we are going to fulfill it."

"Sometimes I wish I was Lynsey, if I were Lynsey, it wouldn't matter that my 'Uncle' was President, I could still be normal, but I would get all the freakin' benefits!" Karen spat like a typical teenaged girl. "I'm going to my room!"

"Interview is tomorrow afternoon, when you guys get back from school you will need to be ready to go," Fitz called as Lynsey headed towards the door, "Jeans and an appropriate top please!"

"You shouldn't make her do it," Gerry looked at his father, "I mean she's right, I'm the one who took a hit."

"Took a hit?" Fitz raised his eyebrows at his son.

"A hit, a toke, I smoked the joint, Dad." Gerry rolled his eyes, obviously thinking about how uncool his father was in this moment.

"I know what a hit is, Gerry," Fitz scoffed, "I have smoked pot before, many times."

"Many times?" Gerry let out a laugh which was a mix of surprise and awe, "Did...did Mom too?"

"Your mother and I are from a different time than you. We did things without fear of it ending up online, or on the internet, so yes, we smoked weed when we were younger. That doesn't make it acceptable though Ger, you know the health consequences, and you know that everything in our lives eventually gets out to the press."

"You and Mom...weed!?" Gerry let the grin spread on his face as his father nodded in response, "That is so cool."

"It is not cool." Fitz corrected him sternly.

"Alright, alright," Gerry dismissed him, "I will go and start working on my apology," he obviously knew what his father was going to tell him next, "Tell Cyrus there is no need to have a heart attack over this, and I will give it to a staffer to read before I bring it to you to approve, before tomorrow."

"Thank you." Fitz smiled knowingly.

"Can I use a computer? Or is that punishment still in effect?" Gerry mused as he stood up.

"Pen and paper buddy, you are doing this the old fashioned way," Fitz told him as he watched Gerry walk out of his office with a certain amount of bounce in his step. As much as Fitz wanted to truly be angry with his son, it was difficult. Gerry was a teenager, he was trying to experience new things like a regular teenager, but unfortunately his life wasn't regular. Because the information had gotten out, and newspapers had caught wind of his experimentation, there was a certain responsibility on the White House, and the Grant family to address it. Fitz knew he had made the right decision, he knew he had made the choice that Mellie would have made if she had still been alive. As he walked to one of the many conference rooms to be briefed on the situation in regards to the soldiers who had been presumed dead, he quickly looked at his phone, the screensaver for which was still a shot of himself and Mellie on a lazy Sunday morning at the ranch in Santa Barbara. Mellie's hair was long and wavy, and she was wearing no makeup, but they had been laughing in bed when Fitz had decided to capture the moment on his cellphone. Mellie had been furious, she never liked being photographed in anything other than a perfect light, even before the cancer, but Fitz thought it was the most beautiful picture in the world.

_"And did you see?" Mellie practically snorted as she tried to contain her laughter, "They had our daughter dressed up as a turkey!"_

_"It was quite the Thanksgiving play," Fitz laughed as he kissed Mellie passionately on the lips, "I'm glad we came." _

_Mellie gave him a thousand watt smile as she kissed the tip of his nose, they had fought about what they would do for Thanksgiving, would they spend his first Thanksgiving in the White House with a traditional fancy dinner, or would they go home where they could spend real, quality time with their kids. Ultimately they had decided that spending time with their growing children was more important than any political dynasty, and ultimately it was a choice that would garner support from family and community minded organizations. Going to Santa Barbara for Thanksgiving was a good political choice. "You are the President! I am the First Lady, and our little girl was the First Turkey!" Mellie howled at the thought of the play they had attended at school the night before where a barely 12 year old Karen had played the turkey which was shared by the Pilgrims and Native Americans for dinner._

_"You told her you thought she did a great job," Fitz laughed, "And she did, she was a beautiful turkey."_

_"You are absolutely right," Mellie nodded, letting out one final laugh, "What are we going to do today?" she asked, the kids had one more day of school, and Teddy was still asleep. She hoped that they could spend a day together, just having fun and being a couple, keeping the political world out, even if just for a day. They could have a photo-op tomorrow, but for one day, she just wanted to be with her husband._

_"Well, I was thinking," Fitz rolled over to face her, the sheet draping over his waist so that his bare chest was visible. He put his body weight on his elbow and propped his head up with his hand, "We could lay in bed all day," he leaned forward to kiss her gently, "And Teddy could go with his nanny to the beach, or the mall, or anywhere but here," he smiled suggestively, "And you and I, well, thankfully, our house is so secluded that getting a photo of us in the pool would be nearly impossible." _

_"You want to go swimming?" Mellie gave him a slightly confused smile._

_"No," Fitz kissed her once more, with slightly more passion than his last kiss had been, "I want to skinny dip."_

_"Fitzgerald!" Mellie laughed, "It is 9 in the morning."_

_"All the more reason to make a day of it," Fitz told her, "Come on Mel, this is where we get to be carefree, and have fun. I don't know when we'll get to do this again, be carefree again."_

_"Well then," Mellie slowly peeled the blankets off of her body, "Race you?"_

Fitz smiled at the memory as he took a seat in the conference room, he had been right. They would never have a moment like that again, it was the last time they would step away from the spotlight to enjoy time to themselves. That memory was almost 3 years earlier, and he regretted every single day that they hadn't taken more candid photos and enjoyed more leisurely days in bed.

"So," Fitz looked at the men and women sitting in front of him, staring intently at him as though they were trying to read him, "What have you got for me?" he nodded to Captain Hornsby, the man he had put in charge of the situation.

"We have found an additional 4 men," he began as he shuffled his papers in front of him, trying to keep his composure as he spoke to the President, "They were found alive, being held in a bunker in Northern Iraq. They had been presumed dead based on an ambush, but it increasingly appears that an Iraqi woman and her family took them in and aided them back to health." Hornsby explained, "This woman is being questioned now."

"Do you have her in custody?" Fitz demanded, he was beyond angry. How had these men been assumed dead when in fact they were alive this entire time. How had someone told their loved ones that they were dead, when in fact they were being nursed back to health in Iraq.

"No," Hornsby shook his head, "We have her in for questioning, on her own accord, she is speaking to us willingly. It appears that she was trying to help sir, this doesn't seem to be a malicious act."

"Not a malicious act?" Fitz scoffed, his face becoming tense as he spoke, "We told the world that these soldiers were dead, and now we are just supposed to say 'our bad, they were just with some adorable Iraqi lady'?!"

"Sir, I just think that we need to understand, from the intel we have, if she had left them out, they would have died. The information she is providing suggests that she is not the only one. We are getting locations, we are trying to see how many more there are, but these people were trying to help us, they were not acting as our enemies."

"I think," Cyrus stood up, trying to calm the situation. He knew why Fitz was mad, he knew that Fitz had the idea running through his head that he was sleeping with Jake's wife, while Jake was still alive, and that was too much for Fitz to bare, "We all need to calm down, we need to come up with a plan to get everyone out, and we need to return these people to their families. Can we all agree on that?" he asked, receiving a nod from Fitz, "Alright then, tell me people, what is the plan?"

"About 7 men have been brought back to the States, they all arrived about 3 days ago, they are undergoing psychiatric and medical evaluations before they are reunited with their families." Hornsby stated.

"I want to meet with them, and their families, before the press finds out about this, we need to do damage control instead of looking like this administration is incompetent." Fitz stated simply.

"Of course," Hornsby noted something on a piece of paper, "We are airlifting another 4 tonight, and they will arrive in Germany on the weekend. Did you want to meet them in Germany?"

"Get Air Force One ready," Fitz nodded, "We will tape the 20/20 interview with the kids in the afternoon, and then I will go meet these people. I want to see the ones in Washington today."

"Yes, sir," Hornsby nodded. "I think, Mr. Baines has the rest of the brief." he told them, obviously glad that his portion of the presentation was over.

"Well sir, as Captain Hornsby stated, there are thought to be other safe houses where people are being kept, safely, and brought back to health. It appears that the original goal was to nurse these soldiers back to health and then let them go, but that obviously was too dangerous, which is why they are contacting officials as to where these men and women are being dropped off and let go. There are about 50 soldiers total who we believe might be alive."

"Is there a list?" Fitz asked, only to receive silence in response, "Is. There. A. List." Fitz repeated firmly.

"Yes sir," Hornsby piped in. "I can have it on your desk in an hour."

"You have 5 minutes." Fitz stood up and walked out of the room. He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe that they had gotten this wrong, even though his immediate thoughts were about Olivia, what if Jake were on this list, he also thought of all of the other people who had been given incorrect information, who had been told that husbands, wives, daughters, and sons were dead, when in fact they were alive. He couldn't help but fear that he would lose Olivia, and once again he would be alone. They hadn't been seeing each other for long, but when he was with Olivia, he felt safe, he felt like everything might be alright. As he sat down at his desk, he put his head in his hands, and as much as he realized that it made him an awful person, he hoped that his friend was in fact dead. He hoped that he hadn't unnecessarily told a dear friend that she was a widow. He hoped that even though they had both lost so much, they would be able to continue on, mourning, and moving forward together.

"Here you go, sir." Cyrus passed him the list.

"Is he...?" Fitz sighed as he took the papers.

"I haven't looked," Cyrus told him honestly, "What are you going to do if he is?"

"I don't know," Fitz sighed, "Has Gerry dropped off his apology?"

"Yes," Cyrus tapped his finger on a hand written stack of papers, "Maybe you should read that first?"

"I think so." Fitz agreed, he normally didn't ignore work that was pressing, or of such importance, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for this kind of news yet. It would kill him to find out that he had been wrong about this. Instead, he picked up the paper that his son had written and began to review it, making sure that it gave the right message.

"They start setting up in about 20 minutes," Cyrus told him, "So you can probably get away with taking a break, doing the interview, and then going to the hospital."

xxxx

"This is Abigail Moffatt with ABC News, and I am sitting down with the First Family today, as we reported earlier this week, Fitgerald 'Gerry' Grant was caught smoking marijuana and drinking. Gerry Grant is only 16 years old, and this comes as a shock to those affiliated with the family. So we are here now, sitting down with Gerry, Karen, Teddy and President Grant to discuss the challenges they have faced since the family matriarch, Mellie Grant died earlier this year," the reporter smiled as she sat across from the family, "So let me start by asking, how are you all doing?"

"We're doing well," Fitz spoke first, just as he had rehearsed with the kids, "That isn't to say that we don't have struggles, obviously, but I have incredibly strong children," he kept his arms loosely wrapped around teddy, who was sitting on his lap, "We falter sometimes, but we will always persevere."

"And how do you feel about reports that your son, who is obviously underage, was smoking marijuana and drinking?"

"Well," Fitz looked at Gerry who had flushed slightly with embarrassment, "Obviously Mellie and I didn't raise our son to believe that this kind of behaviour was acceptable, but Gerry is a teenager, and sometimes teenagers, no matter who their parents are, make mistakes. As a family, we feel that it is important to have open dialogue, and obviously in this particular instance, I failed, but I hope that moving forward Gerry, and Karen, and one day Teddy, will feel comfortable talking to me about these things."

"And Gerry," Abigail turned towards the boy, "How do you respond to people who say this is just another example of the over-privileged youth in America?"

Fitz could feel his breath hitch as he tried to keep a neutral expression on his face, this had not been a question they had particularly rehearsed, this had not been a question that had been pre-submitted.

"Well, I...," Gerry began, "I made a mistake," he stated firmly, "I can't change that, it was a poor decision, and unfortunately I was trying to fit in with some people. I should have known better, I was brought up to know better. My mother would be very upset with me if she were alive, but she would also understand that sometimes, as kids, we make mistakes. I think that the question you have just asked me is a really big generalization," he told her confidently, "I am fortunate to have a very successful father, and nice things, but I also live in a bubble. Most other kids are able to experiment without experiencing media scrutiny, and while that is not a justification of my actions, I also do not believe that one dalliance with marijuana means that I am a pot-head, or an addict." Gerry took a breath, "So I don't think this is about privilege, I think this situation is about the youth, and the generation I am a part of. What people need to understand is that drugs are addictive, even if it is something you don't think you can become addicted to after doing just once, it is possible, so I hope to use the platform that I am fortunate enough to have, to advocate against teen drug use and underage drinking."

"So you have decided to become an advocate?"

"I think, if you don't mind," Fitz answered and looked at his son, who nodded to give his approval, "What Gerry is trying to say, is that he did something that was unrelated to being the son of the President, he did something that a lot of teenagers experiment with, but because he is the President's son, he is going to use this opportunity to inform people of the dangers of drug use."

"Well that is a very noble cause. Have you faced any punishment for your actions?"

"I can't watch television, or use the computer. My Dad took away my cellphone," Gerry laughed slightly as he looked at his father, "and I can't use the internet, even for school, I have to just use library books."

"For how long?"

"Until my Dad says it's done," Gerry continued, "But I'm hoping it will only be a week or so?" he looked at his father.

"We'll see," Fitz smiled, "I also called his school to let them know he was not allowed to use computers."

"What do you think of that punishment, Karen?"

"Well," Karen smiled confidently, "I think that my brother made a mistake, and that our Dad has every right to punish him. I just hope I don't get my cellphone taken away." she laughed.

"And how have you been doing? Since losing your mother, how difficult has that been?"

"It's been hard," Karen answered honestly, "I mean, I come home from school and there will be something that I want to tell my Mom, but I can't, and that is hard," she smiled, her eyes were becoming glassy as she spoke, "But we still have our Dad, and we have the memories of our Mom. That is really what makes me sad though, we at least have memories, Teddy probably won't remember her."

"Is there anyone who has stepped up? Do you like your new nannies?"

"We don't spend a lot of time with nannies," Gerry interjected, "Our Mom's best friend has really stepped up, she helps a lot, and that is nice."

"Is this Olivia Pope-Ballard?"

"Yes," Gerry nodded carefully, "She is our godmother, and she has always been a part of our life, so she comes around, and we have dinner, and if we ever want to talk about our Mom, or do something that regular kids get to do, Aunt Olivia will help us out." he explained.

Fitz smiled, he knew that his kids could handle the media, but this interview was showing the world that he had normal kids, with somewhat normal lives, who missed their mother and sometimes made mistakes, "Before Mellie died, she wanted to know that the kids would be alright, and so Olivia was her person. Olivia has stepped up to the plate, because as much as I try to be around as much as possible," Fitz explained, "I have a country to run. Tonight I will be heading to Germany for the evening, so Olivia and her daughter will be staying here to be with the kids."

"And what do you say to people who find it odd that Mrs. Pope-Ballard has a security detail?"

"I say that she is around my kids a lot, and she is around the family a lot," Fitz chose his words very carefully as he spoke, "And so unfortunately the result of that friendship is that sometimes Olivia finds herself in difficult situations for which additional security is necessary."

xxx

"The interview was great," Olivia smiled into the phone, she was surprised that he had called. "You're going to Germany?"

"For a few days, yes," Fitz told her, "Do you want to come?"

"I have work," Olivia lied as she looked at the man sitting on the couch across from her, "Is everything okay?" she asked, "You sound worried."

"Everything is fine, Livy," he told her as he walked down the lawn to the waiting helicopter, "Are you not staying with the kids?"

"No," Olivia answered, "I had an unexpected guest stop by today, but I'll see you soon." she told him, "Travel safe." she smiled as she hung up the phone.

"Why didn't you tell him that i was here?" his voice was smooth as he spoke calmly to her.

"Does he know you're alive?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Promise Me You'll Stay Calm**

**A/N: Guys, don't be so quick on the 'Jake is alive' bandwagon, we never said who this guy is! And we are about to find out, I really appreciate the feedback and I know which way I am going to go! We also learn in this chapter whether or not Jake is alive, so that is put to bed! I also want to let you guys know what happened sooner, rather than later, so hopefully 3 updates in as many days makes up for my recent absence. I have also learned 2 important life lessons, 1. Do not catch your knuckle in a cheese grater while making tacos, it hurts a lot, and 2. Typing with a giant band-aid because you don't have any reasonable sized ones is incredibly annoying! Read, review, enjoy! Thank you all for your support and suggestions, hopefully I make you all happy.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal.**

"John, you're his brother," Olivia sighed as she looked at John Grant, the man she had known for many years but who had dropped off of the face of the earth shortly after Fitz's election, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I know," John shook his head, he looked an awful lot like his brother, but throw in some substance abuse problems and a lot more hair. John was 3 years younger than Fitz, and he was not a part of the family legacy, he never had been, and he never would be. "But once I heard about Mellie, I didn't know how to come back."

"Are you alright?" Olivia asked him, she had to admit, even though he looked like hell, she was glad to see him, Fitz worried about him, Mellie had worried about him, thankfully due to his track record, no one had worried too much when he had vanished. He still had access to his trust from that had been left to him by Big Gerry, and he always managed to survive.

"I'm sober." he told her, which in and of itself was remarkable.

"I have to tell him," Olivia stated simply, "things are different now, with Mellie gone, I can't lie to him, he has to know."

"How are things different?" John asked.

"They just are," Olivia told him, "Jake is gone, Mellie is gone, I have to look out for him, part of looking out for him is telling him that his brother showed up at my doorstep last night."

"I didn't know where else to go." he told her honestly.

"You need to go, have a shower," she told him, "quite frankly, you smell. Then you can change, if you go into the basement I have a box of Jake's old clothes, something should fit. I work nights tonight, I can't stay and babysit you, but you are to stay here, do you understand me?" she asked as she took a $50 bill out of her wallet and handed it to him, "You can order takeout, and here is my number. I have to go, please do not disappear and do not do anything stupid."

"Oh ye of little faith," John smirked as he took the business card and the money, "I'm assuming there is a detail out front that has not quite figured out who I am? I mean if they had figured out who I was, they would have probably called Fitz, and he would be here by now, right?"

"They know who you are, and they are ignoring it, at my request." Olivia explained as she grabbed her medical bag.

"At your request?" John nodded suspiciously.

"Goodbye." she told him clearly as she headed quickly out the door. She needed to get to work, if for no reason other than to think about what she was going to do. She couldn't lie to Fitz, he didn't let on very much that he was worried about his brother, but she knew he was always worrying about John, when he would turn up, how he would be. At least in this instance John was sober, and didn't look like someone had just beat the shit out of him.

xxxx

"He isn't on the list." Fitz looked at Cyrus as he put the envelope down in front of him while they rode in the limo to the German hospital they were visiting.

"I know, sir." Cyrus nodded, he had already read the list, he knew that Jake was gone. "He is however on another list," Cyrus explained, "There is a list of bodies which were recovered via this operation."

"At least he's coming home." Fitz sighed, running his hands through his hair. He couldn't help but think that it was wrong that he was happy to hear that his best friend was in fact dead, but there was nothing he dreaded more than the idea of telling Olivia, the woman who with each passing day, he was falling more, and more in love with, that her husband could in fact be alive. He dreaded the thought that he would have to put her through the wheel of emotions which she would certainly go through if she were ever given a notion that possibly her husband was in fact alive. He knew that she would hate herself for 'moving on', if Jake was alive, even if there had been no way to prove it.

"You're relieved, I assume?" Cyrus asked him, "This clears up the...Olivia situation."

"I'm relieved that I don't have to tell a lifelong friend that her husband _could _be alive. I am relieved that I don't need to consider the idea that my best friend could be alive."

"And you are relieved that you can continue sleeping with her without any remorse?" Cyrus asked him bluntly.

"Cy, we aren't hurting anyone. Can you please let this be?" Fitz rolled his eyes as the car came to a stop, "We can talk about this later." he stated simply as he waited a moment for the door to be opened.

xxxx

"Olivia, you cannot make me tell him," John told her, she could see that he was irritated, "it is my choice."

"You knocked on my door," Olivia stated, "in the middle of the night you knocked on my door and asked me for a place to stay, I of course let you in. I always have your back Johnny, always have, always will. But things have changed, I am no longer the one who sweet talks Mellie about whatever stupid thing you have done, and tries to convince her that you are the lovable Uncle to her kids. Mellie is dead, I am not your ally, I look after Fitz, part of looking after Fitz means making sure he isn't blindsided by this, that is isn't blindsided by you!"

_"Mellie he isn't that bad." Olivia sighed as she watched Mellie pace back and forth through the kitchen while they both watched the birthday party going on on the patio for a 9 year old Gerry._

_"He is high!" Mellie told her through gritted teeth, "He is at his nephew's birthday party, and he is high, and that woman! That woman he is here with looks like she is a bloody stripper!"_

_"Mellie, take a breath," Olivia suggested, "In, and out," she smiled as Mellie followed her leave, "John is here for 3 days. You have to smile, and be the amazing woman that you are, for 3 days. During those 3 days, I am here, Jake is here, Lynsey is here, your mom is here, Stephen and Abby are here, you are surrounded by people who love you, and you do not have to even talk to him alone."_

_"Promise?" Mellie glared._

_"I promise you Mellie, you keep me by your side, and you will never be left alone in a room with your brother in law." Olivia stated with a reassuring smile._

_"Good," Mellie agreed, letting out a long breath, "Because so help me god, I might kill him!"_

_"Might kill who, Mommy?" Gerry looked at her from the patio door._

_"It is a figure of speech sweetheart," Mellie smiled as she walked towards him, Olivia following closely behind as she kissed him on the head, "Now come on, let's enjoy this party!"_

"Mellie hated me no matter what I did." John sighed.

"Mellie hated you because she had given you far too many chances, and you kept screwing it up. Do not do it again, is it really worth it? I'm sure you've worked hard for your sobriety, and you obviously came back here to see your brother, so get it together, and keep it together." Olivia challenged him.

"You sure do drive a hard bargain," John laughed as he nodded as if to say he agreed, "What are the chances I can see my niece and nephews?"

"Slim to none, unless you tell me what your plan is." Olivia countered.

"I am here to stay," John assured her, "I am 428 days sober, I went to rehab, I have worked through my demons, I am ready to be a contributing member of this family."

"Good," Olivia told him as she stood up and grabbed her phone, "You can see your niece and nephew after you have seen your brother, who I am calling now," she could see him tense up, "Breath in, and out John, I promise you it will be fine."

"What is going on with you and him? You were always the Mellie whisperer, not as much so the Fitzgerald whisperer." John stated.

"Nothing is going on, but now that Mellie is gone, and Jake is gone, we just understand each other," Olivia shrugged, trying not to let on about the relationship. Even though she was hoping for the best when it came to John, she knew that she could never really be sure. "We are able to help each other out."

"You're the girl." John looked at her, squinting slightly.

"I'm the what?" Olivia scoffed, "I don't think anyone has ever called me anyone's girl."

"Don't play dumb Olivia. I can see it, I can see it in your eyes, the way you talk about him so protectively. You were her, you were the girl who won his heart before Mellie."

"John, don't be ridiculous, you don't need to create drama just because you are back. You just told me how hard you have worked for your sobriety, and you need to just calm down, and stop throwing around ridiculous accusations. There are consequences for those actions, you know that. Do you really want to start ridiculous rumours about your own brother that will negate any progress you have made since you last dropped off the face of the earth?"

"You certainly are a charmer," John smirked, "You and Jake could probably charm your way out of anything, I'm not here to cause problems Olivia." he tried to pacify her.

"There are no problems to cause Joh, stop being ridiculous," Olivia rolled her eyes, "I'm calling your brother, he will come over here, and we will talk about this like adults."

"What, I don't get a trip to the White House?" John asked.

"Shut up," Olivia rolled her eyes as she quickly dialed Cyrus' number.

"Liv, we just landed, how did you know we were here?" Cyrus was clearly surprised as he answered his phone.

"I need you to bring Fitz to my house. There is someone here, someone who he needs to see." Olivia told him.

"Is everything alright, Liv?" Cyrus asked cautiously.

"Everything is fine," Olivia assured him, "I need Fitz, alone."

"Olivia you are worrying me," Cyrus told her honestly, "What is going on?"

"Cyrus, just trust me, please. Everything is fine, I just need to see him."

xxxx

He hadn't even lifted his hand to knock on the door before Olivia had already opened it, "I need you to just try to stay calm." she told him.

"Livvy, what is going on?" Fitz grinned as he leaned forward to kiss her, only to be stopped by her arms coming into contact with chest and pushing him away.

"I just need you to promise me that you will stay calm," she repeated, "promise me."

"I promise, I will stay calm." Fitz laughed, "You are scaring me." he told her.

"Come with me," she led him by the elbow into the living room. He stopped immediately as he saw who was in front of him, sitting comfortably on the couch, "remember what you promised." she stated as she took a brief step back while the two men stared at each other in shock.

"Hello there, big brother," John smiled as he stood up from the couch, "aren't you happy to see me?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Fitz asked him as the two men stood face to face. John was about an inch taller than Fitz, but with a slightly bigger build, his hair was longer, his skin more worn and tired, less used to spa treatments and exfoliation.

"I'm sorry about Mellie," John told him, there was a trace of honesty in his voice. "Sorry I didn't make it back for the funeral, but I doubt she would have wanted me there."

Fitz only nodded in response as he tried understand why on earth his brother was in Olivia's house, "You're probably right." he agreed.

"Well come on, aren't you glad to see me?" John asked him.

"I'm wondering why you are here, and why you are at Olivia's of all places?"

"I saw your interview, where you and the kids said that you were spending a lot of time with Liv, I figured she was safe bet." John shrugged.

"So you came here," Fitz nodded, "What do you want, Johnny?"

"Johnny? We are going back to the old nickname that you and Dad used for me?" John rolled his eyes.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh, when she had referred to him as Johnny just a few moments earlier, it hadn't bothered him. She knew it was because he saw her as his ally, he knew that she would always do what she could to help him, and he knew that she believed very strongly in family, which meant that she would normally help John when it came to Fitz.

"Sorry, sorry," Fitz glared, "Jonathan? Is that better, or John? Would you rather be called Mr. Grant?"

"I'm sorry, I should probably refer to you as Mr. President? I mean, why forgo all of the pleasantries of family?"

"Hey!" Olivia finally interjected, "That is enough. You two idiots need to at least speak to each other respectfully. Fitz, you love your brother, and John, stop being a dick, you vanished. YOU chose that, your family did not, so let's all act like grown ups, and have a conversation."

"You're right," Fitz looked at Olivia before returning his focus to his brother, "You look good."

"You too," John nodded, "I'm sober, I've been sober for over a year." he continued.

"That's amazing," Fitz smiled, genuinely happy that something good seemed to be happening for his brother, "You went to treatment?"

"For over a year, I was in a lockdown facility. I couldn't go anywhere, I just needed to be away from all of my triggers, and all of the things that made me want to use."

"You needed to be away from me?" Fitz inferred.

"I needed to be away from all of the hooplah." John explained, "I didn't know about Mellie," he admitted, "I only found out last week, and if I had known," his breath hitched, and his eyes were glassy with tears that he hoped wouldn't fall, "if I had known, I would have been there, I would have come, I would have walked on fire and glass and I would have moved mountains to get there. I didn't know, Fitz." he repeated, hoping that his brother would believe him.

"I know," Fitz nodded as he hesitantly embraced his brother, "I know you wouldn't do that on purpose." he told him, and it was the truth. As much as Fitz generally believed that his brother was a selfish man, he didn't believe that his brother was cruel, and he didn't believe that his brother would hurt him, or his children by ignoring their mother's funeral. "Where are you staying?"

"Here?" John looked at Olivia who nodded with a slight smile pursed on her lips.

"You're staying here?" Fitz repeated before directing his attention to Olivia, "I mean, you can stay at the White House, or we can set you up with an apartment, you don't have to stay here."

"I think it's best," Olivia stepped up, "I don't have much experience with drug abuse, I am an oncologist, but I do know that it is important to have support around you, and I think that a stable place for John, is here, where he can be comfortable and I am around sometimes, but he will also have some privacy."

"Alright," Fitz agreed, not wanting to cause anymore waves, "Can I tell the kids that you are here?"

"If you think they can understand," John agreed, "I don't want to hurt them more than they have already been hurt. Losing Mellie and Jake...it must have been nearly impossible for them."

"It was," Olivia agreed before looking at her watch, "John I think there is a car waiting outside for you...to take you.."

"I have an N.A meeting every night," John explained to his brother before heading towards the door, "Can you stick around?" he asked from the entranceway to the room.

"Of course." Fitz agreed as he waited until he heard the door click closed to focus his attention to Olivia. "When did he get here?"

"The night you left for Germany...so 4 days?" Olivia put her hands on her hips, "You can't be mad at me over this, Fitz."

"I'm not mad," Fitz assured her, "I guess...sometimes we both keep secrets." he told her as he took a seat on the couch and gestured for her to join him.

"What?" Olivia asked as she curled up next to him, she was hoping that they would just be able to enjoy some time alone with her boyfriend.

"I need to tell you something, and it might explain why I have been a little bit distant lately," Fitz told her, placing a kiss on her temple. "So I need to know that you can promise me to stay calm?" he repeated her words from earlier.

"I promise to stay calm." Olivia agreed.

"I also need you to let me finish before you say anything, and try not to react, because it might break my heart if you do," Fitz told her, "I received intel a few weeks ago, that several dozen soldiers who we believed were killed in action while in Iraq, were in fact alive," he paused for a moment as he felt Olivia's body tense up and look at him with terror in her eyes. He tried to keep her from shaking as he began to continue the explanation of his actions, "I was worried," he admitted, "that Jake could have been alive, so for the past few weeks I have been getting more information, trying to figure out exactly who was alive, and who was dead. The thought of worrying you," he spoke faster as if to keep her from cutting him off as her entire body shook and tears began streaming down her face, "I didn't want to give you a hope, that Jake could be alive, and then have to take that away. So I went, this weekend, to Germany, to see exactly who the living soldiers were, and I'm sorry, but Jake is dead, and I wish he was alive, because I would love to give him back to you, and to Lynsey, but I needed closure, I needed to be able to tell you, with surety, that my best friend, your husband is in fact dead."

"He's dead," Olivia repeated as she tried to process everything that he had just told her, "You thought...that maybe, he was alive?" she asked, and he nodded, "But he's dead." she repeated.

"We have his body Olivia, I brought him home." Fitz told her, "I made sure he wasn't alone, and his body was treated with respect," Fitz explained as her body eventually calmed and she relaxed, sadly into his arms, "He's home, we can finally put all of this to rest."

"Thank you," Olivia whispered as she kept her eyes closed against his chest, "For not telling me, until you were sure. You were right," she paused for a moment to try to maintain her composure, "I don't think I could have dealt with the uncertainty, the unknowns, I need him to be gone if I am going to move on with my life."

"You're not mad?" Fitz asked her.

"No," Olivia shook her head to assure him, "I'm not mad."

"John is here," Fitz changed the subject, "And you are letting him stay at your house."

"He needs somewhere to stay, someone to make sure he's okay, without coming down on him if he stumbles." Olivia explained her decision.

"He's still John, Liv. You know him, you know his behaviour, you know how Mellie felt about him, and we both know that Mellie was normally right on the money when it came to being a good judge of character." Fitz warned her.

"He needs someone to believe in him," Olivia stood her ground, "But it also means that you really can't be hanging around here too often. He is already suspicious, which I think is mostly just being his normal self, and partially him going out on a limb hoping we will give him some sort of evidence to say we are dating."

"Can't I pay for him to have a sober buddy or something?" Fitz laughed, "I was enjoying the idea that we could pretend to be normal, and have dates here. Now, my brother is living with my girlfriend, which sounds far too weird to actually say in a sentence."

"Your girlfriend?" Olivia smiled as she looked up at him.

"Well... I mean, I think we're seeing each other pretty officially, so calling you my girlfriend seems fair. I don't want any other girlfriend's, and I don't want you to have any other boyfriend's, so yes, you are my girlfriend." Fitz stated simply as he kissed her gently on the lips, letting his teeth pull gently at her bottom lips as he pulled away.

"Well, if you say it, then it must be so," Olivia purred sweetly, "_Mr. President."_

"How can you say that and make it sound so sexy?" Fitz smirked as he pulled her into his lap, "Now, I have been away for a few days," he told her as he kissed her neck and untucked her shirt from her skirt, "and I think it is fair to say, based on this skirt, that you were expecting me?" Fitz grinned as she comfortably straddled him.

"I was at work," Olivia countered quickly as she played with his tie, "John will be home in less than an hour."

"Oh Livvy," Fitz grinned as he buried his head into her neck, "I don't need an hour"

xxx

"Mom?" Lynsey called for her mother as she looked at the man sitting in her living room, "MOM!?" she shouted with more urgency.

"What's up?" Olivia came running to the front of the house before realizing what Lynsey had seen, "Oh, I forgot, sorry. Lynsey, you remember Uncle Fitz's brother, John?"

"Uhm...I guess?" Lynsey nodded as she stared at John, she could definitely see the resemblance, but she wasn't quite sure how that explained what he was doing in her living room.

"You've grown." John smiled awkwardly.

"He is going to be staying here for a bit," Olivia explained, "Just while we get some things sorted out."

"Why can't you stay at the White House with Uncle Fitz?" Lynsey asked suspiciously.

"Lynsey, don't be rude." Olivia scolded her.

"No, it's a fair question," John agreed, "I can't stay at the White House because I don't always get along with my brother, and I definitely didn't get along with Mellie, and your Mom and Dad were kind of on my side no matter what, so I asked to stay here. And I'm a recovering drug addict, just pills and weed, nothing scary. I could never inject myself, it freaks me out," John explained while Olivia grimaced in the corner, not completely believe that he was telling this to her teenaged daughter, "But I'm sober and clean now, so I need somewhere to stay that doesn't have many triggers for me. Unfortunately the stress of being in the White House might be a trigger." he continued.

"You've been gone," Lynsey stated factually as she gave him a once over, "How can it be a trigger for you if you haven't been around since before Uncle Fitz became President?"

"She really is yours," John laughed as he looked at Olivia who nodded in agreement, "It isn't the building itself," he told her, "It is the stresses inside of it, sometimes even though you love someone, it can be hard to be around each other. That is what it is like for Fitz and I."

"He's staying in the basement," Olivia explained, "How was your day at camp?" she asked, referring to the science camp she was attending at the Smithsonian.

"It was fun," Lynsey told her, "I met some kids who will be at my school," she continued as she hesitantly took a seat on the couch beside the quasi-stranger who was now living with them, "I met this one kid, he was weird, but Karen told me sometimes the kids at school are mean to him, so I tried to be nice."

"That is very good of you." Olivia smiled, glad to know that her daughter wasn't a bully.

"Does that mean you're going to school in Washington now? Last I heard, and I mean, this was years ago, but you were in boarding school?" John asked.

"I transferred back at the end of last year," Lynsey told him, "Now I get to be closer to my Mom, and Karen. Karen and I have been best friends forever."

"I remember that much." John laughed as he stood up, "But I should go, my ride should be here. It was good seeing you." he smiled at Karen who waved back as he made his way out the door.

"He seems nice," Lynsey told Olivia as she sat down next to her, "You must really care about him."

"He's an old friend," Olivia told the half truth as she put her arm around her daughter's shoulder, "Are you alright with this?"

"Well, if I'm going to be honest -" she began.

"And I always want you to be honest." Olivia interrupted her.

"Like I was saying," Lynsey laughed, "If I'm going to be honest, it was a bit freaky, I mean, some warning would have been nice. But if he's Uncle Fitz's brother, that kind of makes him family, and it sounds like he needs some help, and you always help family."

Olivia smiled as she nodded at the comment. She was relieved, relieved that she had raised a child who seemed to have a good heart, a compassionate girl who was able to hold her own when she needed. She was glad that the privilege and the fun hadn't turned Lynsey into a monster who only cared about herself. "I need to tell you something," Olivia turned to face her on the couch, "And I'm not sure how you'll take it." she admitted.

"You're dating Uncle Fitz," Lynsey smiled, clearly shocking Olivia, "Or sleeping with him. Gerry said you were sleeping with him, but I never really thought of you as the type of Mom who would just sleep with random men. You're a relationship girl, that is what Dad always used to say. But anyway, you're dating Uncle Fitz." she repeated.

"Gerry told you?" Olivia was clearly shocked as she looked at her daughter. "When?"

"A couple of weeks ago," Lynsey shrugged, "He said he saw you leaving Uncle Fitz's room. I mean it makes sense, and Dad, he used to joke that you two would have made a good couple, so now with Dad and Aunt Mel gone...I mean, we didn't think you were going to become a nun or whatever."

"You are not 14," Olivia stared at her daughter, still shocked, "You are far too mature, and far too smart, and far too beautiful to be 14. You cannot be my daughter." she joked.

"Mommm!" Lynsey laughed. "Are you happy?"

"I am." Olivia nodded, "But if you aren't alright with this, you need to tell me, and we can end this. We don't want to mess up your life any more than it already has been."

"I wish Daddy were alive," Lynsey whispered, returning to the demeanor of a child her own age, rather than the mature girl that Olivia saw a lot of the time, "If he were here, I would want you and him together, but he isn't here, and I don't think he is coming back. So if Uncle Fitz makes you happy, then I think you should at least give it a try. We're already a family."

"You're right," Olivia nodded, leaning forward to kiss the top of Lynsey's head, "And I wish Dad were here too, firstly, because he probably wouldn't have let me take John in," she joked, "And second, because he was the most amazing man in the world."

"He loved you," Lynsey smiled, "he used to tell me every night when we talked, that when I grew up, he wanted me to find someone who would love me as much as he loved you."

"Well, those are some pretty big shoes to fill." Olivia smiled.

"Do you think Uncle Fitz loves you as much as Daddy?"

"Honey, that is such a grown up question." Olivia told her, even if she tried to be as honest as possible with her daughter, it was still a difficult question to answer, "I think that Fitz cares for me in a way that is different than Daddy did, and that is normal, and that is okay, but I never want you to compare my relationship with him to my relationship with your Dad, because at the end of the day, Daddy and I had you, and you are the most amazing thing in my life."

"I still think about him." Lynsey told her, clearly referring to her father.

"There is something else that I need to tell you," Olivia began, "Uncle Fitz went to Germany last week, and he was able to bring home Dad's remains," she explained, "and even though it hurts, and it breaks my heart to think about him as being gone, we know for sure that Daddy died in war, and he died a hero."

"They know that it is him?" Lynsey began to cry. She had been holding on to the tiny sliver of hope that if his body hadn't been found, it mean that he could possibly still come back. However unrealistic that thought was, it was something she prayed for every single night.

"They did the proper tests, and they know that it is him." Olivia assured her, "So we are going to have a proper burial for him, because he deserves that, and we need to honour him."

"Did he hurt?" Lynsey asked as she continued to cry, allowing Olivia to wrap her arms firmly around her.

"They don't think so," Olivia told her the truth as far as she knew it. Fitz had said that it appeared that someone had tried to save him, but his wounds from the improvised explosive device had been too severe, "Someone tried to help him, they tried to save him, but he didn't suffer."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: If I Lay Here, If I Just Lay Here**

**A/N: Well I get the feeling that the lynch mobs over Jake being alive have been called off now that I have put that to rest! Much like you guys, I haven't quite decided how I feel about Fitz's brother, but he adds some more dynamic. We have some lyrics in this chapter, and we move forward a bit of time.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Scandal, nor do I own Snow Patrol & any of their songs/ lyrics (but I do love them)**

"John, come on, you can't do this. Do not throw all of your progress away for a beer or two." Olivia sighed as she left another message on John's voicemail. It had been 3 days since she had last seen him, and she was worried. She was worried that something had triggered him to fall off the wagon. Unfortunately what he would do when he was high or drunk was out of anyone's control. "Just call me when you get this, I want to know that you are alright." she told him.

"Are you going home for the night Dr. Pope-Ballard?" a nurse asked as Olivia shoved the phone in her pocket and looked over a few charts.

"Yes Susan, did you need anything?" Olivia smiled at the nurse she had worked with for about 8 years.

"Uh...this, well, it isn't really my place to say." Susan began hesitantly.

"Whatever you need." Olivia smiled reassuringly, thinking that she would be requesting an extra day off, or coming in late for a shift.

"You should probably look at the news before you go out there," Susan suggested, "I'm so sorry."

"What?" Olivia felt her eyebrows crease as she turned around to face the television reel where she could see the headline.

**_President has a new girlfriend! Dating wife's best friend less than a year after beloved First Lady dies!_**

"Oh. My. God." Olivia gasped as she saw the reports, instantly knowing exactly where they had come from.

"Is there anything I can do?" Susan asked.

"Uhm, no, thank you." Olivia shook her head, "I have to go, I have to get my daughter out of town. Susan, please, just don't comment. No matter what anyone asks, just do not give a comment about what is going on."

"Of course not." the nurse shook her head. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," Olivia sighed before digging in her pockets once more for her cellphone and immediately hitting redial.

"Hey you've reached John, leave me a message." his voice came through.

"John Grant you call me the second you get this message. What in the HELL have you done?! This hurts the kids John, this doesn't just mess with your brother, this hurts me, and your niece and nephew's, and my daughter! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?"

_We'll do it all,_

_on our own,_

_We don't need,_

_anything,_

_or anyone,_

_If I lay here, _

_If I just lay here,_

_Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?_

"This is a nightmare!" Cyrus boomed as he slammed the paper down in front of Fitz. "The world knows, the world know that you are dating your dead best friend's wife! Or should I call her your dead wife's best friend!?"

"This is not the end of the world," Fitz tried to reassure him, "they will love her. She is smart, she is fiery..."

"She is refusing to leave her room," Huck's voice came quietly into the room, "And she kicked your brother out."

"What do you mean?" Fitz stood from his desk, the worry evident in his grey eyes.

"I mean, there is a firestorm of media outside of her house, she is scared, and she knows that your brother is the one who leaked this. The only other people who know have no interest in this getting out." Huck explained, "I have to go, but I needed to apprise you of the situation, and...uhh...if we need to take care of your brother, let me know"

"Taking care of John sounds like a great idea right about now." Cyrus rolled his eyes as he watched yet another headline pass by on the television screen.

"I really have to go." Huck repeated.

"Leave my brother alone," Fitz glared at Cyrus, "I'm coming with you," Fitz told him, as he saw Cyrus' head spin towards him, he was fairly certain that he almost saw a vein in his forehead explode. "If she needs someone, I'm the person she needs, I'm coming with you." he repeated as he put his suit jacket on.

"With all due respect, sir," Huck began speaking before Cyrus had the chance to boom his response, "I think that she needs to be around her friends right now. I don't know that you can help this situation. The newspapers are calling her some pretty awful things, and I don't think patting her head and hugging her is going to make this all better for her."

"What he said!" Cyrus pointed to Huck, incredibly thankful that Huck was looking out for Olivia, even if it mean putting the President of the United States in his place. "This isn't a romance novel, Mr. President, this is real life, this is _your _presidency. You cannot let your legacy be about a woman, no matter who that woman is."

Fitz felt his shoulders tense up as he realized that Huck was probably right, and he also realized that this is why Huck had been given this particular assignment, why he had been assigned to Olivia's detail. Huck was protective, loyal to a fault once he found someone that he was able to connect with. Thankfully, just as Fitz had suspected, Huck had connected with Olivia just the way they had all thought he would. "You should go back to her then, make sure she's alright. Get the reporter's as far away as you can. Keep them off the property. We can't have any more of a presence around there, I think that would only make things worse."

"You're right, sir." Huck nodded as he turned and headed out the door, leaving the two men to their discussion.

"Cyrus, you cannot dictate who I date. My wife is dead. I never cheated on her, not that I ever would have. But I was a loyal husband, and a loyal father and a good man, I am a good man. I deserve to be happy, and as much as I love you Cyrus, and I do love you, like a father, I will date Olivia. I love Olivia, if I want to marry Olivia Pope, I will marry Olivia Pope." Fitz told him sternly.

"Pope-_Ballard,_" Cyrus corrected him, cutting him off before Fitz had the opportunity to utter another word, "No matter what, sir, she will have loved him first. And yes, I know, you _had _her first, you had a beautiful night together, blah blah blah, but she loved him. You will spend your life wondering if she is thinking about him, just like she will spend her life wondering if you are thinking about Mellie."

Fitz hated when Cyrus turned into a political pitbull, only concerned with perception and image as opposed to acting like a human being. Fitz unfortunately was used to this kind of behaviour, it was what Cyrus did when he meant business, when he wanted something, but it wasn't going to work, not this time.

"I love her Cy, not in a little way, not like I love a good glass of scotch after a long night of listening to bullshit. I love her in the kind of way that says I would give all of this up for her," he gestured around his office, "so, with that in mind, I suggest you either get on board, and find a way to make it work, or we may as well start packing our things now."

xxx

_I don't quite know,_

_How to say, _

_How I feel_

_Those three words, _

_Are said too much,_

_They're not enough_

_If I lay here,_

_If I just lay here,_

_Would you lay with me and just forget the world_

"Where is Lynsey?" Olivia looked at Abby as she tried to ignore the hoards of reporters who were camped outside of the house.

"She is in Santa Barbara, with the kids," Abby explained, they had put all of the kids, and a team of nannies and security detail on a private jet that morning, as soon as Olivia had heard the news just as she left the hospital for the end of her shift, she had been working the night shift at the hospital so the media had been waiting for her.

"What do I do?" Olivia looked around in desperation, "Those people, those _animals," _she corrected herself quickly, "they are talking about me like I am a whore, like I did something wrong. My husband is dead, my best friend is dead, am I not allowed to move on? Am I to stay celibate forever? Should I have applied with the general population before I slept with someone? Let them cast a vote? Tell me if it was alright?"

"Liv, don't be ridiculous," Stephen interjected, breaking the silence he had been in for approximately one hour, "you know why they care. You are sleeping with the President. You gave a eulogy for his wife, and now you are screwing him. They are naturally asking the questions that we would have asked had we not already known all of the answers."

"Stephen." Abby warned.

"Abby, she needs to hear it," Stephen glared at his wife, "those reporters want to know if you were screwing him while you were both married. Easy answer, no. They want to know how this happened, how you stumbled into bed with him? Answer, you were spending a lot of time together, and you both had to raise kids without a spouse, it just so happens that you have been friends for years. They don't need to know anything else Liv, no one wants you to outline what positions you do it in more often, or whether or not he is secretly a nymphomaniac or anything ridiculous, but you are dating the President, people want to know how it happened."

"You're right." Olivia agreed as she peered through the curtains once more.

"Olivia you don't have to tell them anything." Abby tried to backpedal for her husband.

"No, he's right. Stephen is right." Harrison's voice joined the mix, "I came on lunch. What do you need, Liv? Those people are like vultures," he commented on the crowd of press that he had to push through to get into the home, "it's nuts."

"You guys are lawyers," Olivia looked at her friends, "3 lawyers are in this room right now. You are going to come outside with me, while I answer questions, and you, Stephen," she nodded towards her friend, "are going to put your hand on my back if you do not want me to answer the questions, otherwise, I am answering the questions."

"Liv," Abby tried once more to put an end to the situation, "we do not have to do this."

"You're right," Olivia agreed, "But we are going to. I am going to change, and we are going to do this. Someone tell Huck when he gets here please."

_Forget what we're told,_

_Before we get too old,_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life,_

_Let's waste time,_

_Chasing cars,_

_Around our heads,_

_I need your grace,_

_To remind me,_

_To find my own,_

"Ms. Pope-Ballard will answer a few questions from the media," Stephen cleared his throat as he addressed the media standing out front of the house, "Please stay calm, give Ms. Pope-Ballard a few moments and we will end this impromptu session whenever we see fit. We'll start with Ryley Cooper, ABC News."

"Ms. Pope-Ballard," the reporter began, "When did your sexual relationship with the President begin?"

"Uh...," Olivia shifted awkwardly on the spot as she stared at all of the flashbulbs and reporters in front of her, "After the First Lady, passed away, and after my husband died in combat, the President and I began a relationship quite some time after those two events."

"Allison Brown, MSNBC." Stephen pointed, he had spent enough time dealing with the press to know who would be easier on Olivia as she answered the question. Stephen also knew that in a few short moments the Secret Service would put an end to the impromptu question period that had begun.

"Do you not feel that this is a slap in the face to your spouses, respectively? You say that you and the First Lady were best friends, is this how you treat a best friend?"

Olivia had to admit, that question stung. It was a fair question, for people who didn't know Olivia and Fitz, or Mellie, or Jake for that matter, they might not understand. The world, the people she was answering to at this very moment, they wouldn't understand how this relationship had come to be. "I think that only the people who knew Jake, and Mellie respectively can have an opinion on how they would take this. In this particular instance, I believe that I knew my husband well enough to know that he would want me to be happy, and Fitz makes me happy."

"Chris Richardson, CNN." Stephen pointed.

"What do you say to people who say that this relationship has gone on for years?"

Olivia could feel Stephen put his hand on the small of her back, a sign that she shouldn't, or needn't answer the question. "I say you don't know what you are talking about, I say that out of respect for myself, as well as the President, our respective children, and also our spouse's who are unfortunately no longer with us. Fitz and I have chosen to try to move forward through this horrible time in our lives, and fortunately we are able to do that together."

"Andrew Reid." Stephen nodded.

"Do you plan on marrying the President? Will you be campaigning with him for re-election next year?"

"I am dating the President, I do not know where we will be in a year, I don't know what he will want from me in a year, so I will refrain from making any sweeping statements regarding what our plans are in the future."

"Follow up?"

"Sure." Olivia nodded.

"Does that mean that you don't see yourself with the President in the future?"

"I think no matter what I say you people are going to read into it," Olivia let out a small laugh, "no offense. But what I am saying is that I don't know, right now we are dating, and we are happy, but I can't make you any promises regarding where we will be in a year, or 2 years or 3 years. I can however guarantee that we will be friends, and we will love and support each other, and our children, regardless of anything else that is going on. That is all for today, thank you very much." Olivia smiled as she turned back towards the house.

Stephen smiled as he followed Olivia into the house, only to hear additional questions being shouted out as they closed the door.

"Phone." Abby stated as she pushed the portable phone towards Olivia, "Cyrus."

"Cyrus, hello." Olivia smiled into the phone, she knew he would be furious over the decision to answer any questions by the press, but it was the decision she needed to make for herself.

"What in the HELL were you thinking!?" Cyrus boomed into the phone.

"Cyrus I needed to say my piece. All of these people are thinking and speaking for me, I needed to say it, for me, and for Lynsey." Olivia explained.

"And you couldn't have done that from the White House? Where we can censor? Where I can brief you?"

"Cyrus, I do not need to be briefed. If Fitz has a problem he knows how to get in touch with me. The fact that you are calling me tells me that you are the one with the problem. I am not going to ruin his presidency, just like I will not allow him to ruin my job. I have to go now Cyrus, there is a public relations firm coming to meet me."

"Public relations?" Cyrus stammered, "What the hell do you need a P.R team for!?"

"To keep situations like this from happening again. I need to protect me, Cy. Your job is to protect Fitz and the kids, and his presidency. Who is protecting me?"

"We will discuss this later." Cyrus assured her.

"Yes, Dad." Olivia rolled her eyes as she ended the call quickly before looking at her friends who were staring at her with shock. "What?"

"Are you sure about this?" Abby asked, concern obvious in her eyes.

"Am I sure about what? It coming out? Or being with Fitz?" Olivia collapsed onto the couch.

"All of the above." Abby smiled as she sat beside her, casually resting her head on Olivia's shoulder, "I worry about you, Liv."

"Thank you," Olivia smiled, "but I'm okay. He is good to me Abby, we are good for each other. I promise you I am not going to be hurt because of this."

"I'll kill him," Stephen stepped in, "President or not, if he hurts you, I will kill him."

"Enough," Olivia looked around at all of her friends, as well as Huck, "We do not threaten to kill the President while we are all sitting with a Secret Service agent, and we do not threaten to kill him in general. I need all of you to be supportive, and we can all try to be a family together, just like we always have been. You don't need to choose between Fitz and I, we are all friends, we have all been friends for a long time, and that doesn't change just because Fitz and I are dating."

xxx

_If I lay here,_

_If i just lay here,_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told,_

_Before we get too old,_

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life,_

"You had a long day," Fitz put his arms loosely around Olivia's waist as they stood in the rose garden, "how are you doing?"

"I'm exhausted," Olivia agreed as she leaned her head gently against his chest, "I'm sorry, for doing those questions and everything, without talking to Cyrus."

"Don't apologize," Fitz laughed, "We are dating, you need to say what you want to say to protect yourself. I know you would never say anything to hurt me, or us. You did a great job, I mean all things considered, you were clear, and concise, and you were honest, which believe it or not is the most important part. When the world can see that someone is speaking truthfully, they are so much kinder. That's why everyone was so ready to jump on Clinton about Monica. He lied, and the world knew it, so they wouldn't forgive him. You told the truth, you can't stay mad at a person who tells the truth."

"Thank you," Olivia murmured into his chest, "Let's go away," Olivia joked, "after all of this ridiculousness, let's just go and get out of this world, and this stress. Let's take the kids, and run."

"Come with me to Europe," Fitz suggested with a laugh, "We'll bring the kids. It's the summer, we can have fun." he told her, kissing the top of her head as he spoke.

"Fitz," Olivia laughed, "We were just outed, by your brother, and you want to just up and go to Europe with the kids? Like the new age, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Brady Bunch?"

"I want to go to Europe with the woman I love, and the kids." Fitz corrected her, shocking even himself at how easily he admitted that he loved her.

"I love you too," Olivia smiled as she placed a chaste kiss on his lips, "I would love to go to Europe together."

_All that I am_

_All that I ever was,_

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see,_

_I don't know where,_

_Confused about how as well,_

_Just know that these things will never change for us at all,_

_If I lay here,_

_If I just lay here,_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

xxx

"You're done." Cyrus handed John an envelope of cash.

"You can't just make me to away Cyrus, I am not my brother, I am not a child." John smirked. "I told the truth, I can't help that my brother doesn't like it."

"Your brother is the President," Cyrus glared, "Your brother is an important man, you threw your brother, and a longtime friend under the bus, for no reason."

"It was the truth." John repeated.

"The truth, do you even know what the truth is anymore? You're sober, you're drunk, you're high, you're high and drunk, you're half sober." Cyrus waved his hands in the air, "You just can't decide what you are, get it together, grow up, act like a big boy! No one is here to save you anymore. Daddy is gone, you need to own your own life, live your own life. Grow up!" Cyrus boomed.

"I am the only member of this family that is a grown up!" John retorted quickly, "You think you have my family figured out. You don't know anything about me! Anything about my brother or my father, none of us!"

"You're off the wagon," Cyrus told him, "I know that you are off the wagon, and you are making waves. As long as you are off the wagon, and making waves, you will leave, and if you refuse to leave, if you won't leave on your own, I will run you out of this town again. Do not test me, John, I know your vices, I know your secrets, and I know that more than anything, you do love your brother. The problem is, you got high, and you told the world about Fitz and Olivia, which means that Fitz is done with you. More importantly than Fitz being done with you, Olivia is done with you. The woman who has always had your back, is done with you."

"Olivia sees the good in people." John told Cyrus honestly.

"You're right, she does see the good in you, she has always seen the good in you. But you know what the best part of all of this? The funny part is that even though Saint Olivia, the woman who has always had your back and told good old Fitzy-poo that he needs to keep you around, she is furious. She is saying to herself, _how can I defend this man? This man who has thrown my daughter into the limelight, thrown me into the limelight, all for my his personal gain. _That is exactly what Olivia is thinking right now, so thank you, Johnny boy, thank you for finally putting the final nail in your own coffin. So get out, take the money, and go."

"I need to see her." John stated simply.

"See who? Olivia? That is not going to happen. You are done with her, you are done with this family." Cyrus told him.

"I need to see her," John repeated, "I need to apologize. I never meant to hurt her." John continued, he almost seemed sincere.

"I know you didn't John," Cyrus sighed, "you wanted to hurt Fitz, but you need to move on, and you are going to have to do that without closure from Olivia."

xxx

"So we're going to Europe..." Lynsey looked at her mother, "With Uncle Fitz and Karen and Gerry?"

"And Teddy," Olivia nodded, putting her arm around her daughter, "won't that be a great way to end the summer?"

"Are we going to be able to hang out too? Just us?" Lynsey asked, "Like when we went to Paris and Spain with Dad?"

"Of course," Olivia agreed, "but honey, we need to remember that Dad isn't coming back."

"I know," Lynsey nodded sadly, "but I miss him."

"I miss him too." Olivia smiled as she thought back to the last time she had been to Europe.

_"Are you ready?" Jake grinned as he kept one arm tightly around Olivia's waist and the other hand over her eyes._

_"Jake I cannot see!" Olivia giggled as she stumbled over her feet while she followed Jake's lead._

_"That is because my hands are over your eyes," Jake laughed as he walked Olivia over the threshold to the patio, "step up." he told her._

_"Are we there yet?!" Olivia laughed as they came to a stop._

_"Alright, ready?" Jake smiled as he settled the two of them against the balcony railing, "You can open your eyes in 3..." he began removing his hand from her eyes, "2..." he put his hand down, "1." he grinned as he looked at Olivia in order to see her reaction to the Eiffel Tower lit up and the balcony of their hotel covered in flowers, with a dinner waiting for them to enjoy."_

_"Jake," Olivia let out a long, relieved sigh as she turned to face him, "I love you so much. This is amazing."_

_"I mean, I didn't built the tower," Jake kissed her gently, "But I did set all of this up while you and Lynsey were out shopping."_

_"It is stunning," Olivia smiled as she returned her focus to the view in front of her, "This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen."_

_"You are the most amazing thing I have ever seen," Jake told her as he moved away to grab them each a glass of wine, "Here." he smiled as he handed her the drink._

_"Thank you," Olivia took a sip as she relaxed against the rails. "For this trip, this is the most amazing anniversary gift I could have ever asked for."_

_"Only the best for you." Jake kissed her sweetly, "Dinner now, or do you just want to enjoy this for a few more minutes?"_

_"Let's just stay like this forever." Olivia suggested._

_"Olivia," Jake smirked, taking a sip of her wine, "if we stay here forever," he kissed the nape of her neck, "we can't spend any time in bed."_

_"Well then," Olivia grinned as she took another long sip of wine, "how long until Lynsey is back?"_

_"She is on another beautifully guided tour for about 2 more hours." Jake told her._

_"Well then let's get down to business." Olivia laughed._

"If you and Uncle Fitz get married," Lynsey interrupted her thoughts of the last time she was in Paris.

"Uncle Fitz." Olivia told her firmly, "No one but Jake Ballard will ever be your father. Just like Aunt Mel will always be Gerry, Karen and Teddy's mom."

"Teddy won't even know her," Lynsey stated simply, "So what if you were to be his Mom?"

"Honey, that is such a big leap you are making. Fitz and I are just dating, we aren't getting married, we aren't engaged. I don't know where things will end up, I don't know how they will change, but we will deal with that when it happens. I will have a big part in Teddy's life now, probably more than I would have if Aunt Mel were alive, but they already have a Mom."

"Would you ever have more kids?" Lynsey continued to press.

"Lynsey why are you asking me all of this?" Olivia sighed, truly confused as to why her teenager was so concerned with her love life.

"I just don't want anyone to get hurt. I lost Dad already, and I don't want to lose someone else."

"You won't," Olivia assured her, "No matter what, Uncle Fitz will always be your Uncle Fitz, regardless of what he and I are doing."

"I should go pack," Lynsey stated simply, "Can we have dinner at home tonight?"

"I don't know," Olivia sighed, ever since the media had become aware of the relationship there had been a parade of press constantly outside of the house. Even though the kids had stayed in Santa Barbara for nearly a week, Olivia still didn't feel safe taking Lynsey there. "There is a lot of press, and it can be a little...much."

"Why doesn't Uncle Fitz address the press about this?"

"Because it isn't anyone else's business except those of us who are in this family. So Fitz doesn't see the need to talk it over with everyone. So I made a statement, and I have a new P.R team who looks after me, but really, it isn't something for the public to dissect. I am still working, I am still being me, but now, because of the press I am doing it from inside the White House walls."

"You're kind of a big deal, Mom." Lynsey smirked.

"Yeah, you too, kid," Olivia rolled her eyes, "Now go start packing."

xxx

"Liv?" Fitz sighed as he held his arms tightly around her tiny frame while they both tried in vain to fall asleep. "You up?"

"Mhm." Olivia nodded without opening her eyes, keeping her body pressed against his.

"Move in." Fitz stated simply, without a care in the world.

"Fitz," Olivia let out a small laugh, "I am just staying here until the press lays off."

"What if you were to stay here for good? Long term," Fitz suggested, "what's the worst that could happen?"

"Fitz, are we...this all seems a little fast, we've only been seeing each other for 6 months." Olivia told him, still not turning to look at him as she felt his hot breath on her neck. She couldn't help but note how his breath sent chills up her spine.

"Liv, I'm serious about this, I'm serious about you. You make me happy, you make me feel balanced, my kids love you, your kid loves me, why can't we just be happy?" Fitz countered quickly, almost in a whine.

"I know, and I love you, and I love the kids, but I don't want them to lose anything else." Olivia explained.

"I want you to consider it," Fitz told her, placing a chaste kiss on her shoulder, "talk to Lynsey, and at least consider it."

"I promise to consider it." Olivia agreed.

"Night Livvy." Fitz smiled as he kissed her shoulder once more.

"I love you." Olivia whispered.

"I love you too."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

**A/N: So I owe another apology, but my wedding invitations needed to be done (we are making them by hand), and then I was away in Montreal for the Grand Prix and also work has been nuts, so I do apologize. I also think you should all know that this serves as a bridge chapter, truthfully I am trying to backtrack a little bit so that I can bring more passion into this! As always I love getting everyones feedback, it is my favourite part of the day (although sometimes I sit at my phone looking at my e-mails going "ahhh what if they hated it?" and then I worry), but anyway, there was a guest review that I think really hit the nail on the head with Fitz - he is always 10 steps ahead, and sometimes that is great, but other times, practicality needs to outweigh his desire to move forward quickly. Anyway, I know some of you aren't the biggest fans of Jake, but as I have always said, I love him, and I did toy with having him be alive and making this Jake-Olivia-centric, obviously I did not do this, but you might see it in a future fic, once this one is done! **

**Disclaimer - I still do not own Scandal**

"This is not what I had in mind when we came back to Europe." Lynsey whispered into her mother's ear as they sat in the limo, driving towards Las Ramblas in Barcelona.

"Honey," Olivia warned, smiling at Fitz as they made eye contact while she continued to talk with her daughter, "we are with the President, it isn't as simple as just walking around."

"Mom, we go in limos with ridiculous guides and security, _everywhere," _Lynsey complained, "Can't we just wander?"

"I'll try to arrange it for tomorrow." Olivia tried to assure her daughter. Although Olivia knew this trip was going to be a little bit more high maintenance than most of her travels, she had to admit, she had also wished they had a little bit more unscheduled free time to enjoy the sights and take in the true nature of the places they were visiting. As she let out a long sigh, she realized that maybe her days of carefree travel were gone.

"Everything alright, ladies?" Fitz smiled as he watched Teddy point to all of the vendors on the street. "We are headed to Parc Guell next."

"That is one of Gaudi's, isn't it?" Karen interjected.

"Yes it is." Lynsey answered quickly, annoyance evident in her tone, "And everything is fine Uncle Fitz, just tired."

"Do you want to go back to the hotel? We can have you dropped off if you aren't feeling well? An agent can stay with you."

"No." Olivia shook her head, "She is fine."

"Actually Uncle Fitz," Lynsey put on her best whine, "I think maybe a nap would be good."

"Lynsey." Olivia warned.

"Mom, you can go," she smiled sweetly, "I'll just take a rest."

Olivia had to admit that her daughter was a manipulator when necessary. She could see Fitz telling an agent to head back to the hotel to drop Lynsey off.

"I'll stay with you Lyn, I wouldn't want you to be alone." Olivia gave her daughter a knowing eye.

"Well will you guys be ready for dinner?" Fitz asked, glancing at his watch, "I think we have reservations at 7 with the US Ambassador."

"I might need some more sleep," Lynsey smiled, "is that alright?"

"Of course," Fitz nodded, "whatever you need."

"We will try to make dinner," Olivia corrected her as she noticed the car approaching the hotel, the hotel was close enough to Las Ramblas that they probably could have walked, "thank you Fitz."

"My pleasure," Fitz kissed her gently as the car came to a complete stop, "keep in touch." he called as Lynsey immediately exited the car.

xxx

"You are a faker." Olivia stated simply as she dropped her purse on the bed of the hotel room which Lynsey and Karen were sharing.

"Am not." Lynsey contested as she collapsed back onto the bed.

"So, what was the objective? What do you want to do?"

"I just want to have a fun day. Just a day where we get to be tourists, even if its just for a little," Lynsey explained, "I don't want to be on a date with the President, I want to be a kid, Mom."

Olivia nodded, she knew that this was going to be the challenge, how could she make this work? Here she was, falling harder and deeper every day for a man, but being with him was incredibly complicated for her child, and for his children as well.

"So let's go have a fun day," Olivia agreed, "but you can't lie, we don't lie, especially not to Uncle Fitz because he has never done anything bad to you."

"Mom, being friend's with Karen is hard enough sometimes, being around him all the time, and going to see ambassador's, and meeting dignitaries, I don't want to. I want to be a kid. Dad would have never made me do that, Dad would have wanted to walk through Europe and pick random restaurants, he wouldn't have a plan, we would wing it!"

"I know that things were different when your Dad was around, and honey, I wish he was still here, but Daddy is dead, and he isn't coming back, and you can't spend your life comparing things to how they used to be when Dad was here. Things are different, like it or not." Olivia told her firmly, "So where do you want to go?"

"Let's go to Montserrat!" Lynsey grinned.

"Lyn that is like an hour away," Olivia sighed, "and how are we going to ditch the suits?"

"Challenge accepted." Lynsey winked at her mother.

xxxx

"What in the hell were you thinking?" Fitz boomed as Olivia let herself into their hotel room. "You left without security, without telling me where you were going? What would make you do something so incredibly stupid?!"

"Fitz," Olivia sighed as she dropped her purse as she entered the room, quickly closing the space between them, "I'm sorry." was all she could muster, she knew that she was wrong to simply leave and not give him any notice, but her responsibility was to Lynsey and making sure that she had a happy, healthy daughter.

"Why would you do that?" Fitz continued to glare, the vain in his forehead throbbing as he spoke.

"Lynsey doesn't want to live this life." Olivia stated simply, and clearly not answering the question he had asked, but instead answering a much larger, much more difficult question.

"What do you mean she doesn't want to live this life? Lynsey loves me, I've known Lynsey since she was born!" Fitz shouted in frustration.

"This isn't about whether or not she loves you Fitz," Olivia sighed, "This is about the fact that my daughter can't handle this life."

"So what does that mean?" Fitz looked at her, pain evident in his eyes.

"It means we tried," Olivia gave him a smile, trying to hold back her tears, "It means that we tried, and that we are two people who might be better off as friends."

"Friends." Fitz repeated.

"Fitz this is what I said," Olivia told him, her lip quivering as she spoke, "when all of this started, we needed to think about the kids and what would happen to them. We should have thought harder, we should have thought more about them."

"Let's talk to the kids again, they said they were fine with all of this."

"That is because the idea of it is fine. The idea of being step sister's is great to them, but they can't deal with it. They can't deal with the fame and the people and the following. Lynsey wants to spend her time walking in Parc Guel and relaxing and walking through D.C without worrying about someone following and taking a picture. Lynsey didn't choose this life." Olivia tried to explain as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"So what are you going to do?" Fitz crossed his arms, trying to shut off any emotional reaction he might have had.

"We're going to fly to Paris, and we are going to do Europe on our own. Fitz, you will always be my best friend, simple as that, and I am always going to be in your life, and I will be there for Gerry, Teddy and Karen, but right now, we can't do this."

"Fine," Fitz nodded, "go."

xxxx

It had been 4 weeks since that day. Since the day that she had walked out of the hotel room and tried to convince herself that she had made the right choice. She had been back in the United States for almost a full week, visiting the kids at the White House but somehow managing to avoid Fitz at almost all costs.

"He's broken." Cyrus told her as he walked into Teddy's nursery.

"Excuse me?" Olivia turned to face the Chief of Staff, holding Teddy on her hip.

"Without you, he's broken. He feels lost, confused, empty." Cyrus explained.

"Well you were right, weren't you?" Olivia countered quickly, "You said we were a bad idea, that this was reckless?" she smiled as she spoke and Teddy put his head on her shoulder. "What are we going to do today Teddy?" Olivia smiled at Cyrus, as if to end the conversation.

"I want to go swimming." Teddy told her.

"Swimming?" Olivia repeated.

"You have a pool." Teddy stated simply.

"You are getting way too smart," Olivia laughed as she put Teddy down, "I will go and talk to your nanny and see if we can go to my house, and maybe you can have a sleepover? We can watch movies? Karen is coming for a sleepover tonight too."

"Yes please!" Teddy grinned as he walked towards his small dresser, "I can pack!"

"Of course you can," Olivia laughed as she bent down and kissed his brown hair, "I'll be right back sweetheart." she told him as she exited his room and went towards the security offices to see if she would be able to take Teddy for the night, or if they could set up a detail which would be able to cover both of the kids at the house for the night.

"You'll have to ask the President." Huck looked at Olivia apologetically.

"Seriously?" Olivia sighed as she stood in the hall facing her former security detail.

"It's the rule."

"The rule for anyone trying to take Teddy off the grounds, or just me?"

"You're the first person to try to take Teddy off the grounds," Huck countered, giving her a half smile. "I'm back on your service as of next week."

"Thank god." Olivia smiled, after her return from Europe, Huck had been temporarily assigned to another project, but Cyrus had assured Olivia that she would have Huck back, because regardless of the fact that she and Fitz had broken up, she still required additional security given the amount of time she spent with the kids.

"Just go ask," Huck told her, "I hear he's been in a decent mood these last few days."

"At least I look hot," Olivia rolled her eyes as she turned on and headed towards the Oval. "Is he in?" she asked, receiving a nod from the secretary as she pushed through the door. "Can Teddy come to my house? For a swim? Maybe a sleepover?"

"Wow, good to see you." Fitz barely looked up from his paperwork.

"That wasn't an answer," Olivia countered as she continued walking to his desk. She was truly thrilled at her choice of a pair of dark blue 7 For All Mankind skinny jeans with a pair of black Christian Louboutin pumps and a black peplum top that made her waist look tiny. "Can I take him, or not?"

"You look good." Fitz smirked as he stood up.

"Thank you," Olivia grinned, feeling herself blush slightly as he spoke. "May I take him?"

"You said we couldn't date," Fitz repeated what she had told him before she left Europe, "and that we would still be friends. But lately, I haven't even seen you. You've been avoiding me."

"We need to re-establish our friendship." Olivia countered as he closed the space between them.

"I," Fitz paused as he continued to walk towards her, taking small but powerful steps, "don't," he continued until he hovered mere inches from her, "want to be friends."

"Fitz," Olivia sighed, knowing what he was doing because she remembered how persistent he was when he had wanted something from Mellie. "This isn't right for our kids, and we got in too deep. I was falling for you, and then my daughter told me that she wasn't happy, and I can't ignore that. She has lost too much to not feel like she has me."

"Do you remember, I mean it was only a few months ago, when we came in here during the State Dinner with the President of France?" Fitz grinned. "No one knew we were together yet, it was simple, it was just us."

"You are simplifying this." Olivia tried to maintain her composure as she spoke. She knew that if she were to give in to what she really wanted, she would admit that she wanted to be with him, and that she wanted to make it work. She couldn't help but notice that the press hadn't picked up on their split yet, likely because Olivia was still a fixture at the White House.

_"You look," Fitz breathed as he pulled her hips towards him while his body still managed to press her against the desk in front of them, "so sexy in this dress," he told her as he pushed her hair off of her shoulders and bit playfully at her neck, "but I think it would look better on the ground." he breathed as he began kissing her neck more passionately as she let a small moan escape her lips._

_"You have dignitaries," Olivia giggled as she turned around and began making quick work of his belt, "and very important," she smiled as he interrupted her with a kiss, "people of the political..." she was once again cut off by a passionate kiss, only this time he did not let her continue her train of thought as he began to lift her dress while she wrapped her arms around his neck._

_"Do you," Fitz grinned as he lifted her up and perched her on the side of his desk, "want to talk about dignitaries, or do you want to make love to me, Livvy?"_

_"No talking." Olivia smiled as he made quick work of the skimpy panties that she had chosen to wear for the occasion._

"I'm not denying that I am attracted to you, that I have feelings for you. I will admit all of that Fitz, but that doesn't mean that we can be together."

"I'll wait," he stated simply, brushing a hair out of her eyes, "I will wait until I'm out of office and we can be together, I will wait for you, I will walk on fire for you, I will fight wars and battles for you Olivia. Just tell me you want me to."

"Fitz," Olivia shook her head, this isn't what she had wanted for him, or for herself, she wanted them to move on, to be clean and clear and learn how to be friends again, without all of the tension, "I can't make you wait for me. I don't want us to stop living our lives for a maybe. We don't know how this will be, we don't know how it will end up, do not hold on to a maybe, or a fantasy. You need to live this moment, and love this moment because you are history Fitz, you are making history!"

"So be a part of it," he challenged her, "who doesn't want to be a part of history?"

"Can Teddy stay at my house?" Olivia returned to the question at hand, letting out a long sigh which was more or less the sound of her heart breaking.

"Do what you want." Fitz nodded as he turned on his heals, returning to his desk, recognizing that any conversation with Olivia might just be a lost cause.

xxxx

"Mom?" Lynsey knocked on her mother's office door.

"Hi?" Olivia smiled as she stood up, "What are you doing here?"

"I came after school," Lynsey told her, "we talked about that this morning, I told you I was coming by..."

"Oh," Olivia nodded, "well what can I help you with?"

"Mom you're walking around like a zombie," Lynsey stated, "are you okay? Is it Dad?"

"No honey, it isn't Dad," Olivia shook her head, "I'm just busy, with work, and life, and you." she smiled.

"Mom I'm a teenager, I don't require that much attention." Lynsey rolled her eyes.

"Oh on the contrary," Olivia laughed, "you require much more attention than ever before."

"Well, are you coming home tonight?" Lynsey asked, knowing that her mother had been spending most nights at the hospital working.

"Yes, I will be home." Olivia promised, "Have you been having fun with Karen?" she asked, knowing that Lynsey was spending a lot of time at the White House, which only fueled rumours that Fitz and Olivia were in fact still together.

"The White House is stuffy," Lynsey shrugged, "but we're having fun. How long do you think you'll be?" she asked, staring at the stack of papers in front of her mother and receiving only a shrug in response to her question, "I guess I'll just wait it out then." Lynsey smiled as she collapsed dramatically on the couch.

"I'm almost done." Olivia assured her as she looked towards the couch.

_"Mellie, the chemo," Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat as she sat on her dark leather couch, holding tightly onto her hand, "it isn't working like we had hoped."_

_"Olivia," Mellie gave her the best smile that she could, "Don't lie to me, don't even think about it, because I can smell it from a mile away. Is the treatment not working like you had hoped, or is it just not working?"_

_"Mellie there are so many different options," Olivia tried to spin the news she had in a positive light, "we can try radiation, we can try another surgery."_

_"But the chemo hasn't worked." Mellie tried to force a grim smile onto her lips._

_"The chemo hasn't worked." Olivia repeated._

_"Don't tell Fitz," Mellie squeezed Olivia's hand, "this will be too hard for him. He needs to focus on his campaign, and we can deal with me dying once he is in office."_

_"Mellie we don't know if you are going to die." Olivia told her, wiping a tear from her cheek as it fell, knowing that she was lying to her patient, and her best friend._

_"We do know, Liv. We both know, and it will be our secret, and we will live all of the time I have left in the best way possible. I will have an amazing life for the next however long I have."_

_"You're too strong," Olivia laughed as she leaned forward and hugged her, "I love you Mel."_

"What are you thinking Mom?" Lynsey interrupted her thoughts.

"I'm thinking about Aunty Mellie," Olivia told her honestly, "I miss her."

"I miss her too," Lynsey admitted, "I think Karen does too."

"Of course Karen does," Olivia nodded, "Just like you miss your Dad."

"Sometimes," Lynsey whispered, "I forget what he looked like, and what he smelled like. Do you ever forget?"

"You know what," Olivia stood, ignoring the question but realizing she owed her daughter a parent who was at least around. "We can talk about Daddy later," she stated, "let's go home. Enough of this office, and this hospital, and these four walls, I need to go home."

"Really?" Lynsey was surprised that she had been willing to leave so quickly.

"Really." Olivia agreed, grabbing her purse so that they could walk towards the door, "Is Huck outside?"

"Yes," Lynsey practically had to run to keep up with her as Huck followed suit while Olivia moved quickly down the halls, "what is up with her?" she asked Huck as they followed behind her.

"She is upset." Huck stated simply, like always, not sugar coating what he saw to be the truth.

"What is she upset about?" Lynsey struggled to understand the complexity of the adult problems which plagued Olivia's life.

"Do you want the truth?" Huck looked at the teenager as they made their way into the parking garage.

"No, please, lie to me. I love it when people lie to me." Lynsey rolled her eyes sarcastically as she heard the car door beep.

"We'll talk about it later," Huck told her as they each took seats in the car.

"What are you two talking about?" Olivia asked as she glanced at Huck in the passenger seat and Lynsey as she buckled her seatbelt in the back.

"Dinner," Lynsey lied, "I want lasagna."

"Do we have one in the freezer? I think I made one last month before Europe and tucked it away."

"Yes." Huck answered simply.

"When we get home," Olivia looked to Lynsey as she pulled out of the parking garage, "you turn the oven on and get it out of the freezer, I am going to go change, and we'll eat in a couple of hours."

"Can Karen come?" Lynsey asked, barely taking her eyes off of her cellphone.

"Not tonight honey," Olivia responded, "Tonight is just about us, about family."

xxx

"She misses Fitz, doesn't she?" Lynsey looked at Huck as she got herself a glass of water from the fridge.

"I think so," Huck nodded, "I don't think she wanted to break up with him."

"But she did it because of me," Lynsey suddenly felt as though she was responsible for the sadness that her mother had been experiencing for the past couple of months. "I told her I didn't want that life anymore."

"Did you mean it?" Huck asked, "Or were you just being a teenaged girl?"

"I don't know," Lynsey admitted, "But I need to fix it. She can't be like this forever."

"Lynsey, don't meddle. Sometimes you need to just let adults make decisions, and live their adult lives."

"I can fix this," Olivia crossed her arms over her chest, "I'm not a baby."

"I know that you aren't a baby," Huck agreed, "and I am not your parent, I am just this weird guy who lives with you most of the time, but you need to just be a kid. Your Mom doesn't want you getting in the middle of all of this."

"But I broke it, I upset her, I made her do something she didn't want to do." Lynsey interjected.

"You didn't break anything kid," Huck explained, "It is more complicated than that, adults are complicated, and you need to take a step back."

"Fine," Lynsey agreed as she saw her mother approaching the kitchen, "I'll finish setting the table."

"Alright, so how long until dinner?" Olivia smiled as she came into the kitchen.

"An hour," Lynsey called from the dining room, "it's just in the oven. Huck are you eating here?"

"If it's alright with your Mom." Huck nodded.

"Of course it's alright." Olivia laughed as she poured herself a glass of red wine.

xxxx

"Sir," Cyrus walked into the Oval, which was really the only place that he ever saw Fitz since his return from Europe, "are you busy?"

"Never too busy for you Cyrus." Fitz took a sip of his scotch. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, sir," Cyrus took a seat, "If I may be blunt?"

"When has my permission or lack there of ever stopped you before?" Fitz smirked.

"Well, sir, I have noticed that you've been distracted, and I know from your security detail that Olivia left Europe early, well, left you to travel Europe with Lynsey."

"Gee, thanks for rubbing it in." Fitz glared at him, setting his pen down, "Are you going somewhere with this Cyrus?"

"I don't mean to intrude, sir, so please, forgive me if this is out of line. But sir, you are unhappy, and I have seen Olivia numerous times, she is also unhappy. So if what is keeping you two separate is your children, or her children, I don't really know which, nor do I care to know, but why not just go around them?"

"Are you encouraging me to be with Olivia?" Fitz gave Cyrus his trademark grin. "Wasn't it just a few weeks ago you were telling me this would ruin my political career?"

"I won't pretend to understand what is going on between you two. But right now, you reek of booze and are barely functioning. If Olivia is what helps you function, then I want you with Olivia. If a hooker is what keeps you functioning, I'll get you a hooker, but I need you to step up, and this is the only way I can see it happening."

"Thank you for your opinion Cyrus," Fitz returned his glance to the paperwork in front of him, "I'll keep it in mind."

"Have a good evening, sir." Cyrus nodded as he began to leave the room, "Don't forget to check on your kids this evening."

xxxx

"The President would like to see you, Mrs. Pope-Ballard," the nanny smiled as she walked into Teddy's bedroom.

"Of course," Olivia smiled, "where is he?"

"He's in the residence, I believe he is somewhere in his sleeping quarters."

"Thank you," Olivia nodded as she walked out of Teddy's room. She had been going through his clothes to see if he needed any new items before his birthday which was approaching. She walked quickly through the halls until she found herself at the familiar door to the bedroom. Rather than knocking she let herself in, and she could hear Fitz in the closet, and she headed towards the open door. "You summoned me?"

"I think summoning might be a stretch. I asked you to come. I wanted to talk to you about Teddy's birthday."

"Of course," Olivia agreed, smiling as she saw Mellie's clothing still in its proper spot. "The party is all taken care of."

"Yes, I know," Fitz nodded as he stood, staring at the wall of suits. "Black or grey?"

"Grey," Olivia smiled, she had always loved Fitz in grey, she thought it was something that made him look softer, more approachable. "You better not be wearing a suit to the party. We have a dunk tank."

"And who is going to go in the dunk tank at my son's birthday party?"

"Well I was hoping you," Olivia laughed, "but I am willing to give it a go too."

"I'll go if you go," Fitz laughed, "the suit is for a press conference I am about to give."

"A press conference about what?" Olivia asked him.

"I'm announcing that we are no longer together. I want to relieve the tension for you, and Lynsey. I mean we're friends, we'll always be friends, but the only way we can move on is if we are all honest."

"I understand," Olivia agreed, swallowing the lump that was appearing in her throat. A surprising reaction given that she had been the one who had broken things off.

"So this is it." Fitz smiled as he removed his shirt. His grin growing as he saw Olivia drink in his somewhat defined abdominal muscles, "Unless you have something else you want to say about it?"

"We can be friends Fitz, we're better off as friends, I think we both know that." Olivia repeated.

"I think you're right." Fitz nodded, buttoning the white dress shirt he had selected to pair with his suit, "Everything was better when were friends, wasn't it? Before this was all out in the open."

"I'll always want you to be happy," Olivia stepped forward and began adjusting his tie, like she had done countless times in the decades they had known each other, "and I will see you tomorrow, for the party." she smiled as she felt butterflies in her stomach.

"Be happy with me," Fitz whispered, "no one needs to know." he suggested as he leaned forward, allowing his lips to brush hers tentatively, he knew not to push too hard as she closed her eyes, allowing the moment to linger between them.

"How long until your press conference?" Olivia whispered, her lips practically brushing against his as she spoke.

"I have an hour," Fitz grinned, "why?"

Olivia didn't answer, instead she put her lips to his, and kissed him hesitantly as she pulled their bodies closer together, smiling as she felt his need, their mutual need for each other. "Just once." she whispered as she deepened the kiss, and pulled him closer to her body.

xxxx

"I called this press conference because I wanted to address something in the media which I know has become a large part of my administration. Firstly, I would like to say that I will not be answering any questions, so please, just listen to what I have to say." Fitz smiled as he addressed the cameras, "Normally, as you all know, I don't address my family or personal life unless I have to, but in this case, I feel it is necessary." he continued, taking a sip of water, "As most of you are aware, Olivia Pope-Ballard and I had been seeing each other, Olivia is a dear friend who I have known for several decades. Olivia is the godmother of my children and was my wife's best friend. We began a romantic relationship, and unfortunately, like many, it didn't work out. I ask the media respect Mrs. Pope-Ballard's privacy, she is a dear friend who will remain a dear friend to myself, and an important part of Gerry, Karen and Teddy's life. I think that is about all for today, so thank you very much." Fitz nodded as he heard the throng of reporter's begin to shout questions towards him as he left the room and returned back to his residence.

"You did it." Olivia grinned as she brought her knees to her chest, sitting in bed with the sheet wrapped tightly around her body.

"I did it," Fitz began pulling his tie off as he walked towards the bed, kicking his shoes off in the process and propping his body up on his forearms so that he was hovering beside Olivia. "The kid's are out for the day, so it is just you and I." he told her, kissing her bare shoulder.

xxx

"So we're just not going to tell anyone?" Olivia asked as she zipped up her skirt.

"I think that we both know, when we went public, things changed." Fitz told her, "So if it means we get to stay together, then I would rather keep it a secret."

"So instead of high profile dinner's and dates, instead we just get to lay low and be in bed?" Olivia grinned.

"Well when you say it like that," Fitz laughed, kissing her gently on the lips, "I think this sounds perfect."

"So we have Teddy's birthday tomorrow," Olivia laughed, pushing a stray hair from her eye, "and you will have to keep your hands to yourself, especially around the kids."

"Well then I better keep my hands all over you for a while." Fitz pulled the sheet off of her body, "Have I ever told you about my super powers?"

"Super powers?" Olivia wiggled her eyebrows.

"You just lay back and relax, I'll show you."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well I can only apologize and keep writing. My muse has not been cooperative lately, or maybe just life in general has not been cooperative lately. I appreciate all of the PM's and support from everyone, life has just been hectic. I swear, the best advice I will give anyone these days who is thinking of getting married: elope!**

**Disclaimer(s): I do not own Scandal. I do not own "Let Her Go" by Passenger.**

**Chapter 12: **

_"Do you remember?" Jake smiled as they stood out looking over the pool at the Grant's estate in Santa Barbara, "When we were all newlyweds? Ready to take on the world."_

_"Seems like so long ago," Olivia took a long sip of her wine. "But they made it, 15 years, and we're all still going strong."_

_"When we met, all those years ago, did you think we would ever last this long?" Jake kissed her cheek as he saw Mellie and Fitz walking towards them, smiling as they moved smoothly through the crowd. A mixture of old friends and political figures who were now a part of all of their lives._

_"Not in a million years." Olivia grinned, "I never did think you could handle me."_

_"Since when do you need to be handled, Dr. Pope-Ballard?" Jake grinned._

_"You'll have to find out when we head to bed." Olivia laughed as she heard Mellie's voice._

_"Oh my god why are you two leaving us alone with all these people? Who invited all of these social climbers!?" Mellie laughed as she hugged Olivia._

_"I don't know, must be some tight asses who are having this party!" Olivia played along as she kissed Fitz's cheek._

_"We should go order pizza and get drunk on cheap beer." Jake raised his glass to his friends._

_"Well here is to 15 amazing years for two of the best friends anyone could ever ask for," Olivia raised her glass, "we love you so much, and we are so happy and blessed to have you two in our lives. Here is to 15 more years!"_

_"To 15 more years." Fitz repeated._

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

"What are you thinking about?" Fitz asked as he traced a circle on Olivia's bare shoulder.

"It's your anniversary tomorrow." Olivia lamented.

"I remember," Fitz nodded, averting his eyes to stare at the ceiling. He had been trying not to think about his anniversary all month, but unfortunately it was a feeling that lingered in the pit of his stomach, one he couldn't quite get rid of.

"What are you going to do?" Olivia sat up on her elbows and looked at him, her hair was a mess and loose tendrils had fallen across her face.

"I was thinking we could all go to the cemetery. Pay our respects?" Fitz told her, "I still can't believe she's gone some days."

"I know," Olivia agreed, wrapping the sheet tightly around her chest, "I feel selfish," she admitted, "I'm in bed with her husband, but I don't feel bad for it, but I feel like she should still be here."

"You shouldn't feel bad for it, Liv." Fitz smiled, "Even though today is hard, and tomorrow will be harder, I don't regret this. This is what I need, what we need."

"We should have a party." Olivia told him, a smile curling over her lips.

"A party? For what?"

"For your anniversary. Like we always would have. Our anniversaries to Mellie, and to Jake, they are always going to hurt. Why can't we just embrace them? Why can't we still celebrate the memories that we have?" Olivia told him, practically jumping out of bed to grab her jeans.

"Liv, it's late." Fitz laughed, he had to admit, the idea was great. Spending a night celebrating his marriage, celebrating the memories they had.

"Fitz think about it, the kids, they are zombies, this might help them. Help them move forward, it will let us have a fun night, we won't have to pretend, we can just unwind and be ourselves with all of our friends. People who have known us for decades." Olivia retorted quickly, pulling her pants on quickly.

"And continue to pretend not to be together?"

"Tomorrow isn't about us. One day Fitz, one day we will be us and we will be public again, but for now, why can't we just spend a day embracing the family we have, and the one we lost?"

"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" Fitz gave her a somewhat goofy smile, he couldn't believe he was agreeing to this. "Where are you hosting this party?"

"At the ranch." Olivia told him.

"Liv, my anniversary is _tomorrow." _he scoffed as he rubbed his hands over his forehead.

"Well then, you better leave the planning to me because I need to get a lot of people to California.

"How are you going to get them there?" Fitz asked her, concerned for a moment that she might suggest Air Force One.

"I will charter something." Olivia countered quickly, "You aren't the only one with money, Fitz."

"I'll see you in California then?" Fitz laughed as Olivia pulled a t-shirt on, "What should I wear?"

"Casual!" Olivia shouted, practically out the door, "You can bring the kids?"

"Of course I can." Fitz leaned back on the bed as he tried to think of what she was going to do, how she was going to pull all of this together in so little time.

xxxx

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,_

_Only hate the road when you're missing home,_

_Only know you love her when you let her go,_

_And you let her go,_

"I'm sorry, I'm going where?" Abby rubbed her eyes as she stared at her friend who had been pounding on the door for about 5 minutes before she answered.

"California. Pack!" Olivia boomed as she saw Stephen appear in the corridor.

"California?" Abby repeated slowly.

"Just get your stuff. We're celebrating, it's Fitz and Mellie's anniversary tomorrow, and we are doing exactly what we would have been doing if Mellie had been alive. We are celebrating." Olivia explained, "Get the kids, get packing, be at the airport in 2 hours, I have a jet ready to go."

"I am too tired to question you right now, but you had better believe once we get on that plane, I will have a shit ton of questions." Abby groaned, knowing better than to fight with her friend. She knew that this was some plan, a piece in the puzzle of dealing with the loss of a spouse. A puzzle that only Olivia and Fitz had to put back together, but that all of their friends were privy to watching them complete.

"2 hours!" Olivia boomed before she walked out the door as quickly as she had come in. She had other people to wake up, other people to prepare, and she had barely managed to secure an event planner who Mellie had used previously to plan the event on ridiculously short notice.

xxx

"Abby already called," Harrison opened the door before Olivia had a chance to knock, "I'm already packed. Can I ride with you?"

"Thank you," Olivia embraced him warmly, "that is exactly what I needed. Someone to not be asking me a million questions."

"Oh, I have a million questions, possibly several million questions. But we can talk about those from the plane, because I feel like there is a story attached to all of this that I need to know about." Harrison told her as he quickly locked the door to his apartment, carrying his small bag with him as they went. "Are you even packed?"

"I have clothes at the ranch," Olivia shrugged, "Mellie would love this."

"The panic of a last minute trip?" Harrison smirked, "Mellie would hate this. She would love tomorrow, but this moment, this would be Mellie Grant's worst nightmare."

"Shut up, Harrison."

xxx

_Staring at the bottom of your glass,_

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last,_

_But dreams come slow and they go fast,_

_You see her when your eyes close,_

_Maybe one day you'll understand why,_

_Everything you touch surely dies,_

"How in the hell did you put all of this together?" Abby looked at her friend. The expansive backyard of the ranch had been completely decorated, draped and covered in small tables and chairs. Even more impressively, the planner had managed to rig a projection screen to play a slideshow against the side of the stucco guest house. An ongoing reel of family photos played in front of the guests, scrapbooks, and memories were systematically laid out all over the house, including a life sized cutout of Mellie and Fitz from the campaign trail.

"This is what we needed." Olivia smiled as she saw her handiwork. She had told people to dress casually, and she was no exception to that rule. She had chosen to wear a navy blue and yellow colour blocked Kate Spade dress, one that had been sitting in the closet for what seemed like eternity. "We need to learn how to move on, while still embracing the past. All of us do." she explained as she saw the kids swimming in the pool.

"You're seeing him again," Abby stated simply, "Fitz. And you're throwing this party so that you can feel like you aren't betraying Mellie. Like you are still honouring her."

"Not now, Abby." Olivia crossed her arms firmly.

"But I'm right, aren't I?" Abby countered. She wasn't mad at her friend. She could understand exactly why she was doing this, she was at a crossroad, an impossible one. One where she had to decide between following her heart, and loving Fitz, or one that meant she would follow a blind sense of loyalty to a dead woman, and live the rest of her life unhappily. "Liv, you can tell me. You can be with him, and I will understand. I know that Mellie would want you both to be happy. I know that you deserve to be happy, both of you. Jake would want you to be happy."

"Abby let's just enjoy the party." Olivia took a long sip of her martini before settling her eyes on the photos as they flipped across the screen. "Do you remember the wedding? How nervous Mel was?"

"You were the only thing that kept her going." Abby laughed at the memories, "Through all of the planning and through all of the freak outs and the meltdowns, you were the only person she needed."

"It's funny because even though I tried so hard to be strong for her and fight her battles with her parents, and Fitz's parents, throughout our entire friendship, she had always been the one fighting battles for me, you know?" Olivia smiled, "I was never the fighter."

"Liv, anyone who can see you right now, here today, they know that you are a fighter. They know that you are holding it together for two families, not just one."

"Mom!" Lynsey ran to them, interrupting the conversation.

"Lynsey don't interrupt Aunt Abby and I, it's rude." Olivia told her as she looked at her daughter, dripping wet from the pool in front of her.

"Sorry mom," Lynsey nodded and turned her attention to Abby, "sorry Aunt Abby."

"Much better, now what can we do for you?" Olivia smiled.

"Karen wants to go to a friends house. Uncle Fitz says it's fine as long as you do. Can we get Tom to drive us?"

"Which friend?" Olivia asked.

"Her friend Brock, we all went to boarding school together." Lynsey explained.

"Brock..." Olivia repeated the name, it sounded familiar, "Will his parents be there?"

"No," Lynsey shook her head, "they are here, his parents are like the Governor of California or something. His nanny will be there though."

"His nanny?" Olivia smirked, she had to admit, it always amazed her peoples willingness to let other people raise the their children while they lived a glamourous political life. "As long as his nanny is there, that is fine, and Tom will drive you and pick you up. You need to be home tonight, no sleepovers."

"Mom we're just going to be hanging out with his little brother." Lynsey rolled her eyes, obviously believing that she was much too old to have her mother tell her what to do.

"Lyns, just humour me, and come home tonight please. You are far too young to be talking back." Olivia kissed her on the forehead, "I love you."

"I love you too." Lynsey shouted as she skipped off to find Karen.

_But you only need the light when its burning low,_

_You only miss the sun when it starts to snow,_

_Only know you love her when you let her go,_

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark,_

_Same old empty feeling in your heart,_

_'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast,_

"It's amazing isn't it?" Abby smiled as she saw Olivia watching her daughter run in the house with Karen behind her.

"What is?" Olivia looked back at her friend, trying to remember the conversation they had just been having.

"You try so hard to protect them, from everything and everyone, but then one day you wake up, and they seem to think they can take care of themselves. I feel like it was yesterday that Karen and Lynsey were little girls who just wanted to play dress up. Now they're teenagers."

"It makes me feel a million years old. At least your two have a few years before they get to independence." Olivia laughed.

xxx

"Thank you for making me do this." Fitz smiled as he watched the last of the guests leave, a fleet of limos taking them to the hotel that Olivia had set up at the last minute for all of the guests. No one would be surprised that Olivia was staying at the ranch, it only seemed normal given how close they had always been.

"It was fun, wasn't it?" Olivia smiled as she pressed the door closed, relishing in the moment of quiet after the whirlwind 24 hours they had.

"It was amazing." Fitz couldn't help but give her a quick kiss on the lips before the sounds of footsteps coming from upstairs interrupted them. "Must be the girls." he lamented.

"Probably," Olivia turned her attention to the stairs, surprised to see Gerry carrying Teddy on his hip, "Ger?"

"Hey," Gerry nodded, flipping his hair out of his eyes, "Teddy couldn't sleep so he wanted to see Karen and Lynsey, but they weren't in Kare's room, so he was scared."

"They weren't in her room?" Fitz turned to Olivia.

"Daddy where's Karey?" Teddy mumbled, he was clearly exhausted, "I had a bad dream."

"Buddy don't you worry about bad dreams," Gerry held his brother close, "we are all here to protect you. Dreams can't hurt you."

"Come here big guy," Fitz took his son from Gerry, "Thank's Ger. You're sure the girls aren't up there?"

"I checked the bedrooms, the media room, they aren't there, Dad." Gerry shrugged.

"They went to Brock's house...the Governor Connor's son." Olivia told him, "Lynsey said Karen had asked you."

"I haven't spoken to Karen since before dinner was served." Fitz got somewhat of a panicked look on his face.

"Hey guys," Karen smiled as she walked in from the backyard, the patio door clicking behind her. "Teddy what are you doing up?"

"Karen where were you?" Fitz immediately felt relief knowing that all of his kids were in the same room.

"I was in the pool house watching a movie." Karen gave her dad a quizzical look, "Where else would I be?"

"Where's Lynsey?" Olivia interrupted, concern getting the best of her.

"Didn't she go to bed? She asked me to borrow a pair of sweatpants because she wasn't feeling well." Karen looked between her father and Olivia, "That's when we went inside, she had just finished telling you that she was going to bed..."

"She told me she was going to Brock Connor's house with you, and that your Dad had said it was alright. Someone was supposed to drive you..." Olivia's voice began to stammer as fear gripped her body. "Tom! Tom was supposed to drive you!"

"I was here, Aunt Liv. I thought she was too." Karen began to look worried herself.

"Gerry take Teddy to the nanny, and get back down here, ok?" Fitz kissed Teddy's head as he handed him to his brother, "Teddy it's time for bed, I will come to tuck you in soon." he promised. "I love you."

"I love you too." Teddy whispered as Gerry quickly took him upstairs.

"I'm going to go find Tom" Fitz stated simply.

"Karen," Olivia took put her hands on Karen's shoulder, "I need you to tell me everything. Who is Brock Connor? What do I need to know?"

"Aunt Liv, I don't know anything. I swear I thought she was going to bed."

"Fine, I believe you, honey, I believe you, but I need to know who this guy is to her. Why would my daughter lie to me and sneak off like this?" Olivia asked her frantically as she noticed Fitz reappear, deep in discussion with Tom who was speaking into his headset.

"He's her boyfriend." Karen whispered, staring at the ground. "He's a senior at our old school."

_Well you see her when you fall asleep,_

_But never to touch, and never to keep,_

_'Cause you loved her too much,_

_And you dived too deep,_

_Well you only need the light when it's burning low,_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,_

_Only know you love her when you let her go,_

"Fitz it's been 4 hours. If she were just at Brock Connor's house, we would have her home by now!" Olivia whispered, trying not to alarm the kids as she dialed Lynsey's cell phone number for what felt like the thousandth time. "This isn't like her, she doesn't do this. My daughter doesn't do this! Jake's daughter doesn't do this!"

"Liv!" Fitz put his hands firmly on her cheek's, "This is going to be fine. This is a misunderstanding. I have to believe, after everything we have all been through this year, that Lynsey has just made a mistake, and that she is fine."

"What if she's not?" Olivia let tears quietly fall from her eyes.

"She will be fine, I promise." Fitz kissed her forehead gently. "Just try to relax."

"Would you?" Olivia asked, dialing the number once more, "If this were Karen, or Gerry, or Teddy. Would you be staying calm? I mean, I'm sitting here doing nothing while my kid is missing, and you think I should just calm down?"

"Liv, you have a team of highly trained federal agent's looking for her. You have the best people in the world looking for her. If you want to get into the car and drive around yourself, then you do it. But there is nothing more that you and I can do right now, and you know that." he told her firmly.

"Fitz she's my baby. I can't live in this world without her," Olivia finally began to sob, "I need her to be here. I need her to be fine!"

"It's going to be okay," Fitz whispered in her ear as he pulled her into a hug, "shhhhh," he cooed, "sweet baby, it's going to be okay."

_Only hate the road when you're missin' home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh)_

_And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh)_

_Well you let her go_

_'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missin' home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low_

_Only miss the sun when it starts to snow_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low_

_Only hate the road when you're missin' home_

_Only know you love her when you let her go_

_And you let her go_


End file.
